I recently joined a novice girls crew team because they needed a freshman coxswain. This team allows 8th grade rowers from the local middle school to participate as well. When I joined there were already three 8th grades coxswains, but the coaches were so desperate for a freshman cox they were willing to take me, even though I am 5′ 4” or 5′ 5” (but I only weigh 98lbs). The coach has taken a shine to me because I can erg well, do workouts with the rowers, and have picked up coxing very quickly. When we have been doing exercises where our coach puts us in boat groups I have been getting the better rowers. Although the rowers seem to like me, this has generated some resentment from the coxswains. You seemed to have given good advice about winning over rowers and I was wondering how I might win over the other coxswains on my team.

Whenever I hear about a coxswain being resented by his/her fellow coxes I assume it’s because of one of two reasons. One, Coxswain A is doing what’s asked of them (and what isn’t, which is sometimes more important) by the coaches, gets along well with the team, and makes an active effort to learn and get better. Coxswains B, C, and D all show up and do the bare minimum so they think that Coxswain A is sucking up or purposely trying to make them look bad when actually, he/she is doing exactly what they should be doing. The second thing is that Coxswain A does everything I just listed but instead of being… normal … about it, they rub the other coxswains’ faces in it (sometimes subtly, other times blatantly) and act superior about everything. Either of those two things combined with typical 13-17 year old high school behavior and you’ve got a recipe for dramaaa.

As a coxswain, winning over another coxswain is harder than winning over a rower. I don’t know what it is but that just seems to always be the case. Think of it like cats and dogs with rowers being the dogs and coxswains being the cats. Rowers will be your friend and listen to what you say as long as you’re nice, don’t yell, and bring them food on a regular basis. Coxswains, on the other hand, make you work for their affection. They’re cunning, occasionally territorial, not a fan of sudden movements, and most likely plotting some kind of world domination. Like cats, it can take a while for them to warm up to you. Be friendly, interact with them (not just with the rowers) but don’t force the intercation, ask them for help every now and then (even if you don’t need it, say, like when you’re running a circuit or something), invite them to erg or do the workouts with you, etc. It’s not your job/responsibility to make them like you – that’s on them if they choose to do so – but like I’ve said before, you’re all on the same team thus you should at least be cordial with one another, regardless of whether you’re actually friends. If their only reason for disliking you is because you’re doing what the coaches are asking and as a result are getting the top boats because of it, well, maybe they should consider upping their game instead of standing on the sidelines being resentful.