Okay so I just need someone else’s opinion other than my coaches and rowers. So I am a dude coxswain for a girls boat for all 4 years of high school, but now I feel like they don’t respect me anymore. They don’t listen when I say hands on or they complain and talk back. We did awful in our first race and now I don’t know what to do. The guys are begging me to cox them and they are winning races. Do I stick with the girls and finish off my high school career or go for the gold with the guys?

Being a guy that’s coxing girls is tough no matter how long you’ve been doing it. I’m curious why things have suddenly changed in your last season together though. I assume you’ve tried talking with them one-on-one or as a boat to figure out what’s going on … ? If not I’d get on that. You need to figure out what the actual problem is, the part you’re playing in all this, etc. and start fixing it like, ASAP. The problem you’ve got is that with a month and a half (give or take) until the end of the year it would look kinda shitty if you suddenly jumped ship and left them for the guys team. On the flip side though, it’s not worth it for you to keep coxing them if the relationship is beyond repair, so to speak, and you (potentially) have a better shot at having a good season by switching over. (Obviously it’s not fair to the rowers either if things aren’t working out – they deserve a chance at a good season too.)

One thing you have to be careful with (and something that might be alienating you from the women, which is why they’re not listening to you) is getting too caught up in the “grass is greener on the other side” mentality and making it super obvious through your attitude that even though your body is in their boat, you’re not really all there because you’d rather be with the guys. If they hear the guys “begging” you to cox them and you not saying “sorry, I’ve already got a boat” that’s gonna make them question your loyalty and in turn become less loyal towards you.

This is definitely a tough decision but I think the deciding factor is going to come down to you having a conversation with your boat and figuring out whether or not you can all work together to finish out the season. Hopefully everyone is just stressed and there isn’t a bigger issue bubbling away under the surface but you won’t know unless you ask. You also have to consider whether or not there’s a coxswain on the women’s side that can replace you. My guess is if there isn’t and you decide to switch your coach/rowers will be super pissed (which may or may not bother you) for leaving them hanging. If you’re in a position where there’s someone who can easily transition into your boat and after talking with your rowers things don’t look like they’re going to improve, talk it over with your coach and see what your options are. If there isn’t someone that could take your place and cox that boat at an equal or higher level than you currently are then you should really consider sticking with them and working out whatever issues you’re having. Unless you’re planning on coxing in college and really need the time/experience in a boat that runs like a well-oiled machine, I think it’s better to stay with the women. You have to think about what you want out of your last season but you also have to consider what’s best for the team and unfortunately those two things don’t always line up.

Keep in mind, my answer is based only on what I assume is a very small part of much larger story. If I knew all the details my opinion might be completely different. I just think that given the short amount of time that is left in the school year and the fact that you’ve already spent four years together, it just makes sense to work out whatever issues you have so you can make your boat go fast. That doesn’t mean you all have to like each other, just that you have to respect what each person is bringing to the table. If you feel like you’ve lost their respect, figure out why/how and start doing something different.