Day: July 9, 2015

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Hi I am a coxswain, my coach is not afraid to show his disdain for coxswains but the girls in my boat for the most part do make some backhanded comment or when needed, stand up to the coach. That being said I feel like coaches and novices should have some sort of coxswain sensitivity training. Like a portion on being a decent human being in the cheesy safety video. But seriously coaches need to remember that often these PEOPLE are young impressionable girls who will take what you say to heart.

Not just girls – guys too. Granted, I do get more emails about the stuff I talked about today from young women but I do get a handful throughout the year from guys (mostly college ones) too.

Here’s the thing. I don’t think coxswains are a bunch of super special snowflakes that have to be praised every second or are incapable of taking/handling criticism (and if they are, GTFO because this isn’t the role or sport for you). I don’t think they deserve any more or less respect than anyone else on the team either just because they’re a coxswain. What I do think they deserve is an equal amount of respect and it’s pretty clear that that’s not a common practice.

It’s ridiculous that you even have to make the suggestion of “coxswain sensitivity training” because it’s not something that should be necessary in the first place. The whole “being a decent human being” thing should come pretty standard, regardless of whether you’re dealing with a coxswain or another rower. Who it is shouldn’t matter. I know some people will read this and think “OMG suck it up, it’s not that bad” and I get that – there are times when I think coxswains take things way too seriously or personally (note, this isn’t one of those times) and I say the same thing in my head but like the other person who messaged me said, the overall attitude that coxswains don’t do shit and are responsible for everything that goes wrong is way too prevalent. It seems to be more of a thing at the junior level than anywhere else (although it’s not exclusive to them), which makes sense because you’re a teenager and teenagers aren’t the most socially graceful people on the planet but again, that’s why having coaches, captains, and other team leaders not let it get that far in the first place is important.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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I swear to god, with all the shit coxswains have to put up with, ya’ll deserve a whole month of appreciation, not just 1 week. I see the way my coach treats coxswains and basically says he hates coxies in front of them. It sucks because that attitude is too prevalent in the community.

Yea, I agree that that attitude is too prevalent. It’s frustrating but in theory it’s also an attitude/culture that can be changed … it really only takes the leaders on the team saying something and shutting down that behavior as soon as they see or hear about it happening (and obviously not partaking in it themselves). Granted, that can be hard to do when your coach is also involved in it but nobody ever said calling people on their shit was an easy thing to do.

That was something else that the coxswain from today’s post (linked below)said in her emails, that it became clear that the rowers saw the way the coach treated her (in addition to making the weight comments) and got the idea in their heads that it’s OK for them to treat her like that too. It’s not and it shouldn’t take the athletes to point out that everything starts from the top down. The team itself was a relatively new one and the majority of the rowers were total novices, which makes it even more frustrating that the coach would be the one spurring all this on because novices are like babies – they’re sponges. They soak up everything to get a sense for how shit works and if they see you doing something, they’re going to assume they can do it too.

Related: Do you really need that?

I’m all for calling coxswains out when they need to be called out (I think I’ve been pretty vocal about too) but it’s also basic common sense to know when you’re crossing that line and your “feedback/criticism” is crossing over into personal attacks, either blatant ones (telling them you hate them or blaming them for everything that’s going wrong) or subtle ones (making snide remarks about their weight).

“Do you really need that?”

Coxing Teammates & Coaches Training & Nutrition

“Do you really need that?”

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Over the last few days I’ve been emailing with a coxswain who initially wanted some advice on what to do over the summer to make sure they’re in shape for the upcoming fall season. As most of you who have asked me the same or similar questions over the last few weeks know, my response was and has been to just make sure you’re within a healthy range (which gives you plenty of leeway) of your respective racing weight by being smart about your diet and doing something  like running, cycling, etc. a couple times a week. Really simple stuff, nothing too crazy.

Related: I know it’s silly but staying a lightweight is consuming me. Literally every moment of the day I’m thinking of ways to be smaller and I hate myself for even worrying about this so much, like 123 is a FINE weight but at the same time … I hate being like this. It’s really worrying and I’m not eating as much anymore and I just need advice. 

Now, as most of you know, I have zero patience when it comes to coaches and rowers who openly disrespect coxswains and make unnecessary (and often times, pretty hurtful) comments about their weight when their weight isn’t an issue. I totally get being pissed when your coxswain is far, far over the minimum but seriously, speaking in general here, you guys have got to stop doing this. Below are some excerpts of the emails this coxswain sent me after our initial ones where we talked about getting in shape for the fall (shared with their permission).

“…Our coach is generally just impatient with us while we’re on the water and they complain about it more than I do. And to top it off, whenever we went to a meal during races, our coach would scrutinize what I ate and tell me things like. “Hey you need to fit in the seat…” Or “Do you really need that” but then tell me that she would prefer I didn’t starve myself.  She mentioned me losing weight before going into summer and said that “then we can actually go fast”.”

They told me that they’re a vegetarian so a lot of what they eat when they’re traveling is fruit or something else light.

“… I honestly have never had an eating disorder, like EVER. But after being treated like that I have been so vulnerable and not confident and it is so horrible because it made me not confident in other things too, so much that when I came home I asked my mum if I could talk to a therapist about it, like I’ve been struggling to bring myself back to the person I know I am, which yeah, is completely shitty.”

Making comments like that is not cool, it’s not funny, and it’s not appropriate. There’s a difference between playfully ragging on a friend (which you can really only get away with if you have a solid relationship with the person and even then, there are limits…) and being a jerk. I don’t want to get too into this because I’ve talked about all of it numerous times on here before but consider this another reminder/plea to just think before you say anything like what’s posted above to your coxswain(s). You don’t know how it’s going to affect them and if an eating disorder is something they’re already struggling with (which you most likely wouldn’t know about), hearing someone say “you need to find in the seat” or “do you really need that” can be pretty damaging. For more on that you can check out the posts in the link below.

Related: National eating disorder awareness week

I would also stop for a sec and consider this: I get a lot of emails from coxswains and when I find them serious enough to post on here I keep the details as vague as possible so as to not give away who they are or who they cox for. There are obvious reasons for doing that but I also do it because I want everyone who reads this to assume that it was your athlete and your coxswain that emailed me because, for all you know, it was. So … if you’re reading this and are thinking “wow…that sounds like something I said to my coxswain this year…”, this post is probably about you.

Image via // @schurwanzpics