Category: Rowing

Coxing High School Q&A Rowing Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 7, 2013

So there is one girl on our team who is tinier than the rest of the team and she doesn’t pull as hard. She is pretty committed and went to all of our winter practices and meetings but her scores are a lot lower than other members. I have heard a few of the other rowers saying, “Why doesn’t she just quit?” And I’m the coxswain so it is my job to keep morale up. I just don’t know what to do in this situation. I tried talking to the other girls but nothing has changed.

Ah, been there. I watched a similar situation go down my sophomore year. We had a girl join our team who was enthusiastic, tried hard, was well liked by everyone, etc. but she had trouble keeping up with the other girls on the ergs because she was pretty small. Her technique was good and I think that helped make up for some of the strength deficits but most people only ever looked at her erg times, which weren’t good.

I was sitting with my friend who was the senior coxswain after practice one day and we overheard some of the varsity girls say the same thing – “Why doesn’t she just quit?” and my friend stepped in and said “Let me ask you a question. Would you rather have a teammate who tries but might not be as strong as you or a teammate who goes around talking about other people behind their back?”.

That ended up causing a huge argument which our coach ended up dealing with by basically telling the girls that they can either be supportive of their teammate who shows up (on time, everyday), gives 100% whenever she’s asked, is excited to be here, and does fine on the water or they can quit, because we don’t want or need rowers (let alone varsity rowers) who are willing to take whatever opportunity they find to talk down about another rower. If they don’t think she’s rowing like they think she should be, why aren’t they helping her? Why aren’t they giving her advice, sitting on the erg with her, etc.?

I would pose those questions to your teammates. I’d rather have a smaller rower who I know I can throw in the bow of nearly any boat than have a rower who thinks it’s OK to talk like that about a teammate.

Coxing Drills Q&A Rowing Technique

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 7, 2013

I say “catch 1, 2” a lot to keep ratio but after the catch when they’re on the recovery, why do I want them sliding back slowly? Shouldn’t that be the quick part when they’re actually taking the stroke? Or maybe my coach likes me to say that just because she still wants us taking it slow?

After the catch … you mean the drive? The drive is when where they’re taking the stroke and the recovery is when the blade is out of the water and they’re sliding forward into the catch. You wouldn’t count out “catch 1, 2…” on the drive though because that’s “fast” part of the stroke when the blade is in the water. Ratio is always 2:1 or 3:1, meaning that the recovery is two to three times longer than the drive.

When you take it slow like that, are you rowing with any kind of pressure? The only time I can think where I’ve had an exaggerated drive instead of an exaggerated recovery is when we’ve done rushed-recovery drills. They work on having quick catches because you’re taking no time on the recovery. The drive, on the other hand, is slow and there’s no pressure on the stroke – you’re basically reversing the ratio, so instead of it being 3:1 it’s now 1:3. Does that sounds like what you’re doing? If that’s not it, then I’m not sure what your coach is having you do. I’d definitely ask for clarification though so you’re sure you’re communicating the right stuff to the crew.

Ergs Rowing Training & Nutrition

Splits vs. Watts: What’s the difference?

By readyallrow March 7, 2013

A few questions have come up recently about splits, watts, and the difference between the two so that’s what I’m gonna go over today.

Splits

Typically the standard unit of measurement on the erg. Splits tell you your speed by displaying the amount of time (in minutes and seconds) it will take for you to row 500m at the pace you’re currently going.

Watts

Measures the amount of pure power you are producing.

Watts, as mentioned above, measures the amount of power you produce on each stroke and can also be an indicator of fitness and efficiency. High watts are often correlated to low splits but the relationship between the two isn’t always one being the product of the other. An example of this is comparing someone who does CrossFit to an elite rower. Both have a lot of strength so theoretically they’d both be able to produce the same low splits. What this doesn’t take into consideration though is their technique, which obviously plays a big part in how efficiently the power you’re generating is applied to moving the boat.

If you want to get an idea of the watts you’re producing, check out Concept 2’s watts calculator. It lets you put in your average split and in turn it calculates how many watts you produce. You can also use it the other way around and determine your pace from your watts. You can also use this watts/pace chart (the second tab under “indoor rowing”) to calculate and see the relationship between the two.

Another thing to think about is weight-adjusted scores. This helps coaches see who is the most efficient at moving their weight. If they put in everyone’s weights and splits into that calculator, they can get weight adjusted splits that they can then put into the watts calculator. This will give them a good idea of how well lighter rowers stack up in terms of power output compared to heavier guys.

Image via // Eigenberg Fotografie

Ready all, row… is on Patreon! If you’d like to support me and what I’m doing with the blog,
click below to check out the campaign.

Coxing Q&A Rowing

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 6, 2013

Under 120lbs, 5’5″ and not the strongest rower – should I switch to coxing if I want to? Thanks.

If you feel like making the switch to coxing would be a good move for you, then by all means talk about it with your coach. You’re about the size of some of my friends who have coxed for men’s teams so definitely ask them if they need a coxswain. I don’t think it’s unusual or that big of an issue to go from rowing to coxing, especially if you have an injury that could be compromised by rowing or you’re just way smaller than your teammates, but outside of those reasons is where I start to get a little annoyed.

If you’re not the strongest rower (not you specifically, just speaking in general), why not … get stronger? Work out on your own, improve your technique, pay attention to your diet, etc. The only way to get stronger is to put in the effort. It bothers me when people want to switch to coxing because I feel like it gives the impression that coxing doesn’t take much work either. Like … I’m not willing to put the work in to get better at rowing so I’ll just switch to coxing since it requires less or no work. I don’t say this because it’s what I assume people think, I say it because I’ve seen people do this on teams I’ve been a part of and that was their main reason. Coxing actually does require a lot of skill that, despite not being physical like rowing is, still takes a lot of effort to achieve.

Comparing rowing to coxing is like comparing apples to oranges – they’re both fruits but that’s pretty much where the similarities end. One is not harder than the other because they’re both equally difficult, just in different ways. It pisses me off when people say that just because we don’t do anything physical, our jobs are easy and/or we don’t do anything useful.

It takes a lot of time to learn how to cox right and even longer to learn how to be a good coxswain. It’s not just something you can/should “switch to” because rowing isn’t panning out the way you wanted. Well, you could, I guess, since most coaches probably look at this issue a lot differently than I do but regardless, I feel like going from being a rower to being a coxswain has to happen for the right reasons. Unless you’ve already put the time, effort, sweat, and hard work into becoming an all around better rower and still can’t keep up with your teammates, I would hold off on making the switch. If your team needs coxswains that slightly changes things but my feelings on the overall issue remain the same.

Q&A Rowing

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 5, 2013

I’m very sensitive to pressure and negativity and being stroke that obviously doesn’t help my boat. Tonight’s outing was horrendous for me but the others said they didn’t even realize I was having such a bad time because they thought it went great. This outing we were chased by another boat and they’ve come dangerously close to us at the last testing so obviously our whole crew, but especially me, is being affected. How do I keep calm, especially when chased?

I’m similar. I’m pretty hard on myself so even when I know our boat had a good practice, I’ll still nitpick everything I could have done differently to make it even better. I don’t mind races because I’m super competitive so I tend to look at every one as a challenge. That’s my suggestion to you. If they want to chase you, fine, let them, but be thinking the whole time “just try and catch us, keep trying, whaddaya got…”. Instead of letting the pressure get to you, accept their challenge. If the other boat(s) have come close to you in practice, don’t be intimidated by that. Instead, go out and row your ass off to intimidate them. That was always one of my favorite things when I’d race was to have a crew get close to you one day and let them think they’ve cracked you and then come back the next day and handedly beat them.

Confidence is huge. Communicate with your coxswain, keep the stroke rate steady, and focus. Concentration is key. Let your coxswain worry about the other boats and where they are. Your job is to focus solely on setting the rhythm and pace for the other seven rowers. If you’re spending too much time thinking about the other boat your boat is gonna be the one that suffers. When that happens the other boat wins, regardless of whether or not they came in first because psychologically, they’ve got you. Before each practice, piece, race, etc., take a deep breath and think about what you’ve gotta do. If you’re experienced enough to be able to maintain your rhythm and everything with your eyes closed, do that. I had a stroke seat once that would row the middle 1000 of a race with her eyes closed, which forced her to pay attention to only our boat when she couldn’t get herself to do it mentally.

The biggest thing is to just find a way to be motivated instead of intimidated. How you do that is completely up to you but once you get in that boat, all the nerves have gotta disappear. It might seem like a lot of pressure to have seven other rowers relying on you, but ultimately you were put in that seat for a reason. Your coach clearly thinks you have what it takes so just embrace it!

Coxing Novice Rowing

An Introduction to Rigging: How to rig and de-rig a boat

By readyallrow March 5, 2013

Previously: Intro to rigging, spread, and span || Oar length, inboard, and blade profile || Pitch || Rigger height and work through

Rigging is one of those things where I feel like you can just look at the boat and see that “Oh, there are nuts and bolts holding the riggers on … so to de-rig all I need to do is take the nuts and bolts off, sit them somewhere where they won’t be lost, and then put them back on when the rigger is off.” You’d be surprised how many times that has not been the case.

Some coaches put their coxswains in charge of rigging the boats themselves, others go through at the end and quickly make sure everything is tightened up, others just walk around with their wrenches in case anyone needs one. All are fine for you to do but all still require you to still know how to rig the boat, which wrenches to use on which bolts, etc.

How to rig a boat

Check out the video above to see how the riggers are connected to the hull.

Before you get started, make sure that you know the parts of the rigger and what the front stay and back stay are before you rig your boat. Knowing this can help you avoid putting all the riggers on backwards.

Something very important to remember is to not tighten the bolts too much. If you tighten the bolts too much you can crack the ribs that make up the frame of the hull. My coaches have always had the rowers tighten them to finger-tight (as tight as you can get them using just your fingers) and then the coxswains would go around and two-finger tighten them with the wrenches (as tight as you can get them with only your index and middle finger leveraging the wrench). Then they’d go around and make any final adjustments.

Don’t forget to check the top nut on the oarlock either. These need to be locked on pretty tightly (more than two-finger tight) so make sure you go over them when you’re tightening everything else.

How to de-rig a boat

When you take the nuts and bolts off, put them in the shoes or in the tracks. Do not try and hold them in your hand because you’ll probably drop them. If you drop one, obviously look for it but if you can’t find it tell your coach and/or coxswain so they can bring you a spare. The rigger needs all of the nuts and bolts so if you think your coach will be pissed that you dropped one nut and/or bolt, wait until you see him when your entire rigger has come off in the middle of practice and you tell him you knew it was missing one of the pieces.

Last thing, just as a general reminder – when you’re rigging a boat, you’re usually headed out to practice or race immediately after and when you’re de-rigging you probably just got home from a regatta or you’re heading home after practice. Regardless, there’s always somewhere you have to be and you want to get there as quickly as possible. Don’t rush the rigging process to the point where things aren’t done properly but don’t move at a glacial pace either. Rigging an eight should take no more than 10-15 minutes, TOPS. De-rigging should be even quicker.

Once you’re done rigging your seat either help the person beside you or go somewhere else. Personally I like for rowers to go away when they’re done, that way I can see who’s left and how much still needs to be done. If there’s seven people all standing around the boat or one seat or whatever it just makes it hard to maneuver around the boat to check everything. You can help speed up the process by moving out of the way when you’re done so the coxswains and/or coaches can finish up.

Next week: Tools for rigging

Image via // @brianrenesorensen

Coxing Novice Q&A Rowing

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 4, 2013

We have our last big head race this Saturday, and then it’s regatta season. Our crews will probably be mixed up but I don’t know how much. I was wondering what you’d look for in a rower/crew in regatta season as opposed to head season? It’s my first regatta season and I’m loving my crew so I’m in a bit of a pickle.

I think most coaches look for the same things in both the fall and the spring. Technique, strength/power, etc. If you’re asking in terms of lineups, I don’t think coaches have a lineup they race specifically for head race season and one they specifically race for during sprint season, so my guess would be that unless people in your boat(s) made any drastic improvements over the winter that would warrant them being moved up a boat, they’ll stay mostly the same. Best suggestion though is to talk to some of the varsity rowers and/or your coach to get an idea of how they do things in the spring.

Ergs Rowing Technique

Rowing videos for motivation & technique

By readyallrow March 3, 2013

I got a question last night asking me if I had any must-watch videos for motivation and/or technique. Do I ever.

Motivation

http://youtu.be/UuBPxi9M_lE

http://youtu.be/JjYeREIHCsw

Technique

http://youtu.be/DqFZRks9gOA

Image via // @buchancameron

Novice Q&A Racing Rowing Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 2, 2013

Question (especially for a novice boat): What defines a winning/champion boat and one that comes up short?

Attitude. There are a lot of things that define champions but attitude is the most important.

Related: Words.

You can still be a championship-caliber team if you’ve lost a race. It’s entirely based on how you react immediately after the race ends, how much time you spend reflecting on everything up to that point (training, practicing, and the race itself), and the commitment you make to yourself and your teammates to go back and worker harder. If you give in to defeat, you’ve already lost all your future races. People aren’t kidding when they say champions don’t quit, they never give up, etc. If you lose a race, especially one you knew you could have won or should have one, you’re allowed to be pissed off with yourself but wallowing in self-pity or taking your anger out on someone else (especially the other competitors or your teammates) is unacceptable. Be angry, but use that anger to motivate you the next time you get out on the water. It’s like the saying goes, let your past make you better, not bitter. Don’t let one bad race affect your attitude or the amount of effort you put into training. If anything, your attitude and the amount of effort you put forth should be better and higher than they were before.

Attitude also defines a winning boat. Championships mean nothing if your attitude doesn’t reflect humility and respect. Look at all the gold medalists from the Olympics last year. One of the common threads amongst all of them was that they didn’t just thank their families, coaches, and teammates … they thanked their competitors too. You have to respect your competition enough to bring it 100% every time you go out to race. Following the rules, stuff like that, that’s obvious but going out and racing to your fullest potential while pushing and being pushed by the competition is one of the biggest signs of respect in sports, at least in my opinion.

Related: Words.

You also have to be humble. If you win a big race, like Eastern Sprints in a close race (like say, Brown and Harvard), cheering and whooping it up is always expected but there is a line when it comes to celebrating. Cross it and the quality of your win starts being overshadowed by the way you’re acting. I guarantee you in that race, Brown left the water with a hell of a lot more respect for Harvard than they had going in. If those two crews hadn’t been rowing off each other during the race, it wouldn’t have ended like it did. They were each other’s motivation, they were pushing each other, they were fueling each other and you can’t not have respect for a crew that does that for you.

Champions know that they won’t be champions for long unless they show up for practice every day. They know that they aren’t training to beat their competitors on their best day, they’re training to beat them on their worst. They know that taking one stroke off is a sign of disrespect and that quitting shouldn’t even be in their vocabulary. The team leaders (coxswains, captains, upperclassmen, coaches, etc.) also know that know that attitude reflects leadership.

Coxing Rowing Teammates & Coaches Training & Nutrition

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week: Your experiences

By readyallrow March 1, 2013

Previously: Introduction || Eating disorders defined + explained || Signs + symptoms || Coxswains || Lightweights

When I decided to do the posts highlighting NEDA this week I knew that this post had to be one of the ones I did. Throughout the week I’ve collected a couple of messages and emails from rowers and coxswains who have experienced, are recovered, or are currently dealing with an eating disorder. One of the biggest things that I hope you guys get out of this post is to realize that you’re not alone if you’re experiencing these issues. You aren’t the only one. Other people have faced and overcome them and if they can, so can you.

These emails have made me sad, happy, angry, encouraged, frustrated, uncomfortable, and a whole range of other emotions. It’s saddening to read about this but at the same time I feel a sense of pride for everyone who says they’re recovered, are in recovery, or want to recover.

Thanks to everyone that reached out and was willing to share their experiences.

“I think it’s amazing that you’re doing this so here’s my story. In the summer before 6th grade (I’m in 9th grade now) I stopped eating. I went from my healthy 130lbs to under 90lbs at my worst. I wore baggy clothes and no one even noticed. When I told my best friend finally she just said, “oh yeah sometimes I won’t eat for like 6 hours if I’ve just had a big meal.” She didn’t get it and didn’t help. Then in 8th grade I discovered rowing. The sport pushed me to regain my health and now I’m recovered completely. Rowing saved me from everything and I couldn’t be more appreciative. But I know my story is a lot better than a lot of people’s and I owe it all to the sport that gave me it all. Thanks again so much for doing this.”

“As a 5’7” rower who isn’t lightweight I felt a lot of pressure to drop weight from my coaches and teammates. “You either need to start eating less or throwing up more.” That’s what my COACH told me to do. Needless to say I have never been more disgusted in my entire life. The saddest part is that at the time, I listened. My coach finally got the message when I passed out just before weighing in. Luckily I’m now being coached under some more level headed people and am happily (and healthily) 10lbs over.”

“I used to row and I was always the smallest on my team (who didn’t race lightweight). My coach used to always tell me to eat heaps to try to gain weight to keep up with the other girls because most of them were 40lbs heavier than me. Now I’ve stopped but I keep over eating and I know I am and it disgusts me and I want to make myself throw up to get rid of the food but that disgusts me too because I should be stronger than that but I’m not. Sorry for telling you all this, I just needed to say it out loud to somebody.”

“I’ve been reading all your posts on eating disorders awareness and I want to tell you about my dick of a coach. Last season we only had one coxswain for 18 rowers so he made this girl who was 60kg (about 130lb I think) cox cause she was the lightest novice and for the first five months he was fine with it. Then about 3 weeks before the biggest regatta of the season for the novices he told her that she was too heavy as another girl (who liked to stir a lot) had been saying that it was the coxswain’s fault that they had been losing because she was overweight (it wasn’t, the girls were just lazy and didn’t have a good attitude). The coach then told the coxswain that she had to lose 10kg (about 20lb) in 3 weeks so she was pretty much starving herself and running in track pants and jerseys every day in an effort to lose weight which didn’t work because she was of a very athletic build due to being a swimmer before and would have struggled to lose weight.

There is also another girl who had to cox for similar reasons the season before that and got similar treatment from the coach but he stopped her from coxing about 2 months before the big regattas because she was “too heavy”. She transferred to rowing where she struggled due to being 6 months behind the other novices in terms of experience. About 3 months into the next season her parents pulled her out of rowing due to the fact that she had developed anorexia and they didn’t think that rowing would be healthy for her. Luckily she is alright now.”

“I rowed for three years before coxing and when I started I was about 116lbs, no muscle, and still growing. By the end of the spring season of my freshman year of high school I was 126lbs and an inch taller. I grew a few more inches, gained some weight, and by my senior year was about 140lbs. When an injury worsened and made me unable to row, I asked to cox. To make weight for my freshman year of college I started eating a meal a day, sometimes a meal every other day. I averaged out eating 400 calories a day. I lost a lot of weight but I think the stress on my body actually prevented me from losing some of the weight I could’ve lost.

It’s sad – part of me only regrets that diet because I could’ve lost more weight if I hadn’t stressed out, not because I acknowledge that it was unhealthy for me. It’s twisted. Even today, I struggle to put enough food on my plate at school and it’s a major lose lose situation: I hate myself if I put enough food on my plate because I think I’m going to gain weight and I hate myself if I don’t put enough because I’m falling back into old habits. Long story short: eating disorders suck. People who encourage unhealthy weight loss habits don’t know what rabbit hole they’re pushing someone into. And once you develop one, I’m pretty sure it will always be with you in one capacity or another.”

“I am a lightweight rower, and, at 5’6”, quite happily have a maintenance weight of around 125lbs. I also am recovering from bulimia. My disordered eating started a few years before rowing, and it was very on and off. It started as throwing up my meals, and varied from that, to starving, to over-exercising, and everything in between. When I got into rowing, and learned about weight categories, I saw no reason to try and recover when simply throwing up was a ‘convenient’ (and soon my main) way of maintaining my weight. Despite believing this, my weight has since ranged from 87lbs to 139lbs!

I started to recover when I was weighed (90.4 lbs) after fainting during training. I was dehydrated, starving, and probably smelled of ketones. My coach took me into his office and had a long talk, because a BMI of <15 is not on, no matter who you are. He knew a bit about EDs, and he saw how mine was destroying my rowing, not to mention my health and body. He offered to help, and I accepted. I won’t pretend it was easy, but I‘m so glad I did!

He started to carefully (but not obsessively) monitor my food, making sure I kept at least a protein shake or some small meal, and moved on from there. He’s not qualified, so he also made me get help from professionals, although personally I hated them. It was important I went, but the real help came from my coach and my team. I know the coach/ therapist situation is NOT the norm, but it works for us!

I‘m happy to say that today I am (mostly) recovered. Yes, the thoughts are there, and probably always will be. Do I slip up sometimes still? Yes. But my coach and I always keep an eye on my weight. If it changes madly, we discuss options. Thanks to my collapsing/ catastrophe and being very open with the crew (who were amazingly supportive, and I love then for that), a male openweight also came forward with disordered eating, and now he’s doing really well with recovery. We are proudly an ED-free crew, and we all know each other well enough that we could come and chat if there was ever a problem, and not just ED related.

EDs have no business ruining anyone’s life, so if you’re ever in doubt, talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be a therapist. Catch your club barman, coxswain, partner, librarian, anyone you can trust. You won’t regret it. I promise.”

“I‘m a rower struggling with an ED right now and I thought I‘d share my story. It seems kind of silly to me, to already have this sort of issue, since I‘ve only completed one season. But the problem with rowing is that it consumes your life. You can’t get away from it so when trouble arises, you’re stuck with it.

For me the concept of being a “lightweight” really threw me off. When I joined the team I kept seeing all these varsity girls at my highly competitive club do weigh ins, we had this tradition of really fast lightweights going to D1 schools and all of a sudden I got this idea in my head that that is the only way I‘m going to get into a school. Currently, I am 124 lbs and 5’9″. The average 5’9″ girl on my team is at least 140.

I‘ve always been very tall and very skinny. When I joined my team, I gained 5 pounds, and that was fairly new for me, considering I‘ve never really put on weight quickly.That added weight and the new stimuli, the new idea of lightweight and weight classes and weight efficiency, it all scared me, I suppose. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I want my muscles more defined, I want my hard work to show, but I still want to be the twiggy little girl I was. But I want to be strong.

The wonderful part of rowing is that even with all the pressure of weight restrictions and good times for heavies or moving up a boat, even with all of that, you still see the beauty of the human body. I joined rowing because I loved how our US Women’s 8+ moved, how they were able to make it look so graceful but at the same time, holy crap, their muscles. The sport has made me love what my body can do, with the weight or without it. And so I want to keep fighting, I want to eat healthy, get good times, feel GOOD about myself, just because I‘m a goddamn rower and I put in so much effort that I deserve as much from myself.

This is really long winded, but my point is that it’s scary, the idea that if you play with the heavies, you need to get times like them, but if you ‘re a lightweight, you need to keep it down. It’s hard to find a good weight and a good time and everything, it torments me all the time, it’s terrifying, it hurts, half the time I hate my body, half the time I hate myself for hating my body.”

“It’s been almost a year since I first started my battle with my eating disorder. It’s tough to be an athlete and have one. I used to run on the treadmill to prepare for soccer season. When I got down to 107 lbs my mom stopped me. She wouldn’t let me leave the house because it was likely I would be going to the gym and on an empty stomach.

My eating disorder has brought me to my knees, especially today. Today was the start of soccer tryouts. Because I purge constantly my lungs tend to act up. In the middle of a drill it happened today. I lack just about every vitamin and mineral that I need. My back does a weird twitch from it. It’s hard to control my movements with spasms running about. Not only has my eating disorder affected my breathing, but it’s also affected my muscles. It’s true when people say you lose muscle from starving. I was never strong to begin with, but it was hard for me to run today; harder than it should have been. My bones have also lost some density and find it difficult to support myself and kick a ball far.

Playing a game on an empty stomach because you just can’t bring yourself to eat is dangerous. Feeling light-headed and faint isn’t something I wanted. This isn’t how I imagined my life to be, which is why I am where I am. I’m not sure if I want recovery. All I know is that I can’t keep this up forever. Thankfully, I’ve gotten a healthy amount of calories today. Maybe this year I’ll recover. I hope so.”

“I saw your post on EDs and lightweights, and I have a little bit of input. I had developed an ED prior to becoming a rower. I swam for several years, and putting a muscular girl into a swim suit does a number on your self esteem. So when I switched to rowing, and I learned about lightweights, I thought about trying to starve myself that much more just to get to 130. That would have killed me. I‘m 5″8, and I should be about 160 lbs, but I‘m 150 because I still have a habit of restricting. So I thought about trying to hit the light weight mark, but after my first practice with restrictions, I nearly passed out. I knew I couldn’t do it. And staying healthy was more important to me than being a lightweight.

In a weird way, rowing actually helped my ED. I couldn’t restrict my intake like I had done while I was swimming. Rowing took more out of me than I had anticipated, and I ended up dropping weight without even trying. So I learned that I was allowed to eat, even if I wasn’t one of the lightest girls on the team.”

“I was in pain for a long time. As is the case in anyone with an eating disorder, or anyone with a mental disorder in general. I was quite underweight – never to the point that I needed to go to the hospital, but I was definitely hurting my body. I didn’t get my period anymore, and I regularly had trouble with my blood glucose levels. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t concentrate, and I couldn’t remember much. How I managed to get a 3.6 GPA by the time I graduated, bearing in my I had been struggling with this for 2/3 of my college years, is still a miracle to me. But I did it, and after an extremely stressful last semester where my ED was the worst of all time, I started feeling peaceful. I don’t know where it came from, but I had ended another chapter of my life, I had achieved my academic goals and had another adventure in front of me. The adventure being moving to another country to go to graduate school. I associated my college town with my disorder, and I associated my hometown with stress and family problems, so I wanted to get away. But I didn’t want to taint my experience abroad with this stupid disorder, I was done with it, I didn’t want it in my life any longer.

There wasn’t a moment where it all clicked. Sometimes you hear that from people, ED survivors, that they went out and did something and suddenly it clicked. Or they went to therapy and had an epiphany. It didn’t work like that for me. I didn’t go to therapy. I didn’t go to the doctor. I wasn’t even diagnosed. As far as I know, no one knew except for the people I told. But I wanted to get better. I started eating more regularly and I felt better. My body image was still very distorted and it was a struggle not to look in the mirror and not to stand on the scale, but at a certain point it became normal not to. It sounds so much easier when I write it down like this, but I promise to anyone who is reading this: it was the fucking hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It is harder than a 2k. It is harder than a 5k, 6k, 10k, power hour, ergathon, anything. But you distract yourself. You find things that make you feel good. Whether that’s a song, or a bath, or knitting, or drawing – anything. YOU KEEP GOING, until it becomes normal.

I was looking at my graduate university’s website and after being sedentary for quite a long time (aside from the occasional yoga and run a bit earlier in my disorder), I wanted to do some exercise. I didn’t know what, until I found information about rowing. I was scared at first, because rowers tend to look quite buff, but I read up on it and I got excited. I watched youtube videos and I got excited. I wanted that connection with people, after being alone in my disorder for so long. At first I thought I would cox, because I was still quite small, but on the open day at the beginning of the academic year I decided I was gonna row. I realised I was only this small because I hadn’t been taking care of myself, and if I would eat normally and work out normally like any other person, I would be too big for coxing, as I am quite tall. I was still scared of the weight gain, but I hadn’t been weighing myself for a long time, and I finally started wanting something more than I wanted to be thin. I wanted to be fast and strong more than I wanted to be thin. I started training with the novices, and although I was obviously out of shape, I caught on quickly and made first novice boat in November. That’s when I decided I was more interested in what my body could do than what it looked like.

It was a struggle, especially during winter training where you pack on the pounds (of muscle, but still) but I got through it. I realised that in order to be a fast rower, you need the calories. You need the food. And if that sometimes means that you have to force yourself to eat, and force yourself to overeat to the point of being uncomfortable every so often, then so be it. I remember vividly the first time I realised that my thighs were touching once more – it’s a silly little thing but for someone with an ED it’s important. It shows your ‘status’. Losing your ‘status’ means failing and failure isn’t fun for anyone. The only way I got over that was by ignoring it. Ignoring it, doing other things, ignoring it some more until it no longer matters. Until you know longer care. Make it angry. Show it who’s boss. I gained the weight and leaped over the lightweight limit over Christmas break, and leaned back down to my normal, pre-ED weight a month and a half later, just within the lightweight zone. But I’m beating PB after PB. I’m winning medals. I’m stronger, and faster, and more determined to move the boat to the finish line as fast as I can, than I ever was to be skinny.”