Category: Teammates & Coaches

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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What is the best way to deal with people leaving your team? I have talked with a couple of my teammates lately and they have told me that they are not returning to the team this coming fall. I want to be supportive of their decision, but I’m still upset. Any advice?

Honestly? Just accept it and move on. It’s fine to be upset that you won’t get to spend as much time together but it’s not fair to project that on to them because the situation’s not about you. I’ve found that you very rarely ever know the full story as to why someone decided to quit so you kinda just have to accept that this is the decision they’ve made and then go about your business as usual. Personally I think the best way to show your support is to keep any negative feelings to yourself and say “we’ll have to make plans to do something whenever we’re all free” … and then actually make those plans. Things only get awkward when people say they’re gonna hang out and then keep finding reasons/making excuses not to.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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I just got the confirmation that I’ll be coaching Juniors for the fall! I’m so excited, but nervous at the same time. I was wondering if you had any tips on effective coaching (or at least tips on staying patient, which I’m afraid will be my issue)? Thanks so much! Your blog has helped me out quite a bit lately.

There are going to be times when someone you’re coaching (or coaching with) makes you go from zero to rage in two seconds flat and 98% of the time you can’t say a single thing about it (because of parents, your spot on the totem pole, etc.). It’s inevitable. In situations like that, the best thing you can do for yourself is just close your eyes, take a deep breath, rage it out in your head for a few seconds, and then get on with whatever you were doing. Being impatient or getting easily frustrated doesn’t make you a bad coach as long as you’re not going off on people Bobby Knight-style every time something happens.

When I first started coaching, if I had $100 for every time I thought this, made this face, or wanted to do this I would be a very wealthy person. I’m not a patient person at all so having to teach people how to do something and watch them initially do it so poorly despite what I thought were the most basic and simple instructions I could give them made me very frustrated on a pretty consistent basis.

When you hit that point where you’re thinking “I’m gonna lose it on this kid” because he can’t seem to do anything right, take a step back and re-evaluate. There’s a good chance that he’s just as frustrated as you are because he can tell that he’s not doing or understanding what you want. This is the part where you have to remind yourself that you’re most likely not actually frustrated at the kid, you’re frustrated with yourself because what you think should be working … isn’t. That was my problem. I was never actually angry at anyone for not understanding something, rather I was getting progressively more and more frustrated with myself because I wasn’t used to my (pretty solid) communication skills failing me.

Because that was an unfamiliar feeling, I didn’t know what to do and that pissed me off. What I concluded though was that instead of getting mad you have to get creative. For example, I found out that I am really good at coming up with analogies to explain what should be happening at different points in the stroke. That happened completely on the fly one day and I’m pretty sure I had no idea what I was saying as I was explaining it but it worked (about 50 million times better than anything else I’d said up to that point) so that became my go-to fallback for when somebody doesn’t understand something.

Have a plan but keep it flexible. If you’re one of those people that can function on the fly with no prep or schedule or planning … cool. I’m kinda jealous of anybody that can do that. Everybody does things a little differently though and has their own system that keeps them at their “most effective” but even if you’re not the planning type of person, try to sit down at least once or twice a week and come up with a rough idea of what you want to do at practice over the next couple of days. It doesn’t need to be planned out in 10 minute increments or anything like that but you should at least know the drills you want to do throughout the week and why you want to do them (to reinforce something you did the other day, to highlight and work on something you noticed a few people having trouble with yesterday, etc.), as well as the pieces you want to get in so that when someone (your coxswains) says “Hey Mike, what are we doing today…” you can say “X and Y to start [reasons why] and then we’ll finish off with Z [reasons why]” instead of “I donno yet, we’ll see once we get out there”. (As a coxswain, I hate you if you’re that kind of coach. It’s infuriating. If you want your coxswains to be on top of their game, you need to be on top of yours.)

The reason I say keep it flexible is because there are gonna be practices where you wanna change it up a bit based on what you’re seeing so far, what your coxswains have seen the last few days, what you saw last night when you finally had time to sit down and watch last week’s race footage, etc. Deviating from the plan is totally fine as long as it’s done in an organizational manner that doesn’t throw off everyone else (your coxswains). Being too attached to your schedule can result in you doing stuff just to check it off and say it got done instead of you actually spending time coaching the kids through the drills, pieces, etc.

Oh, and if you’re like me and need (and like) to have a plan in order to be your most effective, don’t take shit from anybody who tries to tell you that that’s wrong, stupid, “not how it’s done”, etc. That goes the other way too – if writing stuff down and adhering to a strict schedule makes you over-think things and spend too much time focusing on unnecessary stuff, that’s fine! Feel free to speak up and say that but don’t let anyone tell your way is wrong just because it’s different from theirs. Be flexible and open to trying new ways of doing things but if you find something that works, don’t be afraid to stick with it.

Last thing. Every so often when you’re out on the water, take a second for yourself to just enjoy being out there. This job is always going to be frustrating to some extent but for every frustrating thing that pops up, there’s going to be ten things that happen that remind you of why you do it. Those five seconds where you hang back in the launch just to take a deep breath and shake out the tension in your shoulders help keep you sane, especially on the days when it took ten extra minutes to get off the dock, traffic is ridiculous, your coxswain is steering like she closed the bar, and now it’s snowing in September because let’s be honest that’s just how the weather’s been this year. Don’t let all the crazy shit that’s going on make forget why you’re out there.  Enjoy the little moments because at the end-of-the-year banquet, that’s gonna be the stuff you laugh about.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Hey! I’m a High School Cox and I attended a College Crew Camp this week. One of the rowers that was assigned to my boat would deem my coxing as ‘terrible’ and would yell out in the middle of pieces – and not just stuff like “C’mon!” as some girls do, no she tried to call her own power 10s, right after I would call a power 10. Do you know how to interact with rowers like that? I wanna try to be polite and not someone totally rude and mean. I wanted to say something like “If you’re able to talk on the boat you’re not pulling full pressure!”. In case this ever happens again, any tips for dealing with over-bearing rowers who think they should cox?

Honestly? Here’s what I would really love to see a coxswain do in a situation like this, especially if it’s something that’s been a continual issue. Regardless of whatever you’re doing – I don’t care if you’re in the middle of a 1500m piece or doing cut the cake drills – stop. Just weigh enough and check the boat down. If the rower in question isn’t in stroke seat, stand up and get their attention. Look them dead in the eyes and tell them they have two options: one, shut up and focus on the one job they have or two, get up and switch places with you since they seem to think they can call the piece/drill better than you can. Take your mic off and hold it out to them too. I guarantee you, they won’t take you up on it. Give them one last chance and when they don’t take you up on it again, tell them fine, they’ve made their choice. If they have something to say then they can say to you/the boat after practice but until then, the only person making the calls in the boat is you. Then sit back down, let it go, and get on with practice.

Standing up for yourself (as a coxswain, as a person, whatever…) doesn’t mean you puff your chest out and try to act tough by saying something like “if you can talk you’re not pulling hard enough” because that literally has no effect on the offending person. (It’s also the most played out, unoriginal retort in coxing.) Too many (young, female) coxswains think that they have to be this universally nice person otherwise no one will respect them and that’s not how it works. Yes, you should be a kind, respectful person but that doesn’t mean you should be a doormat. Using this situation as an example, if you let this rower get away with yelling things out during pieces and being disrespectful towards you then that’s only going to make the other rowers think it’s OK to do the same thing (or at the very least, that they could get away with it if they did do it because the most you’ll do is say “if you’re talking you’re not rowing hard enough”). Obviously what I suggested at the beginning isn’t something you should be doing on a weekly basis (it’s really only a one-time thing because if delivered properly, one time is all it takes) and obviously you should never resort to personal attacks (do I really even need to say that?) but at some point you’ve got to draw the line and get over the fear that “they might not like me if I say something”.

Nine out of ten rowers (or maybe it should be seven out of eight…) that you cox won’t do stuff like this. In one-off cases where it’s been a frustrating practice or someone showed up to practice wearing their “I’m gonna be an asshole today” hat (for whatever reason), the best way to handle it is to still be firm with them and say “Hey, I get that you’re having a tough day/we’re having a tough practice but don’t take that frustration out on me/the rest of the boat by yelling things out like that. It’s not productive and only distracts people. If you have something to say or want to make a suggestion for how I could call it differently, either wait ’til we stop for a water break or wait ’til practice is over.” Most of the time when this happens, it’s just that person spouting off because they’re pissed about something and you’re an easy target. Just let it go. Well, let them know they need to back off first and then let it go.

What I think a lot of rowers don’t understand is just how frustrating this is for coxswains. The equivalent, to give an example, would be something like this: Imagine you’re on an erg and then all of a sudden your coxswain jumps in out of nowhere and yells “NO! What is this? That’s not how you do it! You’re supposed to do it like this!” and then grabs onto the handle and tries to wrestle it away from you while you’re still erging. You try to keep going but there’s this annoying person preventing you from doing that because for some reason they think they know how to do it better than you do, even though you spend about 10x the amount of time on the erg that they do since that’s your job as a rower. The same goes for coaches that try to yell over the coxswain during pieces – imagine someone sitting in the launch with you and constantly fighting you for custody of the megaphone, right in the middle of you saying something really important to the boat you’re working with. You have to think about it from their point of view and how you’d feel if someone were to do that to do you.

I could go on and on about this topic because it’s one of the ones that makes me go from zero to rage in about ten seconds but I think you get my point.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Hi, I have a problem with my coach. Whenever I cox she asks me to do things (which I proceed to do) before changing her mind without being very clear or even telling me. I find it very annoying as I am doing my best to follow her muddled instructions and she makes me look incompetent. Also during short pieces she shouts at me and says I shouldn’t be saying certain things, even though I asked the rowers what would be most beneficial to them and am focusing on using those things.

Talk to her. That’s the only way this situation is going to be resolved.

I’m one of those people that gets really frustrated when instructions aren’t straightforward and clear from the beginning, mainly because it’s a huge waste of my time (and probably other people’s as well) to think this is what you want me to do but not be 100% sure. It’s particularly frustrating on the water because there is no time to waste and when it is wasted the coxswains are the ones that get blamed (even when the rowers are equally as confused). I don’t blame you for being annoyed because I, and I’m sure many other coxswains, would be too.

Here’s the thing about coaches telling coxswains what they should and shouldn’t say. If a rower asks their coxswain to make a certain call, that is off limits for you to comment on (unless they asked for a “power 10 for cupcakes” because that is stupid; use your common sense here). You cannot tell the coxswain they shouldn’t be saying that and at the same time preach about how important it is to gain the trust of the rowers, get feedback from them, etc. This goes double, maybe even triple, if you were never a coxswain in the first place. If what they’re saying maybe isn’t phrased in the best way then by all means, suggest an alternative way to call it – I’m all for that – but don’t flat out say they shouldn’t say it. In situations like this, loyalty to the rowers (particularly if it’s a close-knit crew) is almost always going to trump the coach telling you to stop doing something. Yelling “stop saying that” during a piece, I mean really, what are you trying to accomplish by doing that? (Related, see today’s VOTW post.)

The best and only way to get this situation taken care of is by (firmly) pointing out to her how difficult it is to do your job when her instructions are unclear and that the reason you’re saying those things is because you were specifically asked by the rowers to say them (for whatever reason). One thing that usually helps when it’s tough to understand what the coach wants you to do is to go over it each day before you go out on the water – like, as soon as you get to the boathouse. That was one of the things I really liked in high school and college was that our coaches would go over the workouts, goals, etc. for the day with us and answer any questions we had while the rowers were changing, getting oars down, etc. It’s important to work something out though because it’s really hard to be an effective coxswain when there’s poor communication between you and your coach and you feel incompetent whenever you do something because it ends up not being what they wanted.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting/needing all the details when you’re being asked to do something (and it’s really annoying when people act like it is – that’s just pure laziness on their part) so if having all of that up front is what you need to be an effective coxswain for your boat, then you should say that. Everybody functions a little bit differently (as we as coxswains know firsthand…) and part of being a good coach is recognizing that and making little adjustments to your style to accommodate that.

College Q&A Recruiting Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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How involved should my coach be in the recruiting process? I know it sounds bad but I haven’t really talked to him at all about this.

Eh, I think they should be as involved as you want them to be. In theory they’d at least know that you’re looking to row in college since a lot of the initial recruiting questionnaires will ask for their contact info. It’s also helpful to have them know what your plans are so that they aren’t totally blindsided if/when you ask them to write you a letter of recommendation.

Related: Letters of Recommendation

If you have a good relationship with your coach then involving them in the process can only help you, especially if they’ve been coaching for awhile or happen to know people in the rowing community. I was pretty close with my two coaches in high school and they were both really helpful when I was looking at colleges. Both knew all the coaches at the schools I was applying to, which was a huge help because they were able to tell me a bit about them before I actually met them, in addition to talking to them on my behalf.

Related: So I’ve noticed that most recruiting questionnaires ask for your coach’s phone/email. What do college coaches who are talking to your high school coach ask about? I’m not nervous about it cause my coach and I have always had a good relationship, I was just curious.

If you don’t have a close relationship with your coach or there’s been a lot of turnover to the point where you haven’t consistently had the same coach for at least two years then I wouldn’t worry about involving them beyond saying “hey, so I’m looking at these schools and was asked to include your contact info on the recruiting forms I filled out”.

College Coxing Q&A Recruiting Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Hi! I’m finishing my junior year in high school and I know it’s quite late for me, but after my past spring season I’ve decided that I want to cox in college. I’m uncertain about a couple things in the process though. First off, I emailed the head coach for my top choice college, and he emailed back that he would share the email with his recruitment coordinator, his assistant coach, to answer all my questions. So when I email coaches from now on, should I just always email the assistant coach? For another college, they don’t have an assistant coach listed, but they have a novice coach. Should I email them over the head coach? And lastly, what are some good things for a coxswain to include in those emails?

These are great questions!

So, for your first question, I think a good thing to do is email whoever is listed as the recruiting coordinator/freshmen coach and then CC the head coach, that way both of them get it but it’s directed at the person who you’ll mainly be corresponding with. After the initial email where you introduce yourself and such you can probably just stick to emailing the assistant coach. You can always ask though – “should I CC [head coach] on the emails going forward” – and they’ll let you know what works best for them.

For your second question, yes, email the novice coach and do what I said up above. Some coaches aren’t listed as “assistants” and instead are just titled “freshmen coach” or “freshmen/novice coach” on the athletic department websites even though they are assistants to the head coach in the grand scheme of things.

Related: I’m a junior starting to look into the recruiting process. What would a good first email to a coach be formatted as? What should I include? How long should it be?

Regarding emails, check out the post linked above. There are a couple other links in there that might help you out but in addition to that I’d recommend checking out the “recruiting” tag and reading some of the questions that other rowers and coxswains have asked. You might find an answer to a question you didn’t know you had yet.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Hi. First off let me say I love your blog. I completely agree with everything you say. I looked for a question like mine but I can’t really find one that’s exactly like it. I cox a group of guys and most of them are older than me, so of course they’re kind of douchey when someone younger than them is in charge, but it’s kind of gotten out of hand. On and off the water all they do is ridicule me. I have become ostracized from the group of friends that is our boat, and everything I do is constantly under scrutiny by them. There are two guys especially who are the oldest in the boat and everyone follows what they do. They are my stroke pair and no matter the importance of an issue, they constantly correct every single tiny mistake I make. Even sometimes during pieces! I have talked to them multiple times about letting me and my coach deal with it and not them, or at least talk about it on land instead, but they still do it. I.E: During a random 500 that my coach called to get us in after practice, I forgot to call the start and they yelled at me during the piece to correct me. We have regionals coming up and I’m tired of this. What should I do to end it once and for all?

Ugh, the unfortunate thing about this is that you’re completely right about older guys being jerks when the person in charge of them is younger than they are. I think a lot of coxswains who read this question will probably be thinking “wow, that’s exactly how my boat treats me”. It sucks and it’s not right and at some point, you’ve gotta do one of two things. The first is really stand up for yourself. Talking to them multiple times only does so much and to be honest, it’s probably doing more harm than good at this point. You need to flat out, point blank tell them (all of them) in a firm tone that you’re done with their shit and the only people they’re hurting is themselves because they’re focusing more on you than they are on their own rowing. Tell them that the back talking and backseat coxing ends now and from here on out, you’ll be ignoring what they say unless it’s constructive criticism that’s offered in a polite tone during water breaks or normal info that needs to be communicated between the stroke and coxswain during pieces (i.e. stroke rate, rush, etc.).

Remind your stern pair in particular that they are setting a really bad example for the rest of the boat by behaving like they are and you don’t appreciate the constant undermining of your authority that happens as a result of everyone else following their lead. If they spent half as much time scrutinizing their own stroke as they do your coxing, how much faster would you be? Instead, the time they spend getting on your ass about insignificant stuff is seconds and inches that they’re just giving away to the other boats in your race at regionals. I’m not saying that to be dramatic either, that’s exactly what’s happening and that’s what you need to tell them. You need to stand up for yourself and say this stuff (maybe not this exactly but you get my point). Until you solidly put your foot down and assert yourself, they’re going to keep thinking it’s OK to continue walking all over you. If they want to pick on teammates that are younger than them and get away with it, go join football, but until they decide to do that they need to check their egos and adjust their attitudes.

The second thing is to get your coach involved. If it’s progressed past the point of you being able to tolerate/handle the situation on your own then you need to privately say something to your coach and have him/her address it with the boat. This kind of behavior is distracting for you and takes your focus off of what you want/need to be doing, in addition to limiting what the coach can do if the rowers would rather focus on you than themselves. I don’t know a single coach that would stand to hear about or see their rowers criticizing someone else during a piece. If you’ve got that much energy then clearly you should be rowing harder. Regardless, if talking to them isn’t working and their attitudes haven’t changed then it’s time to elevate the situation to the next level and let your coach(es) handle it.

As far as being ostracized from the group, yea, it sucks but it’s truly the least of your problems right now. Like I’ve said many times in the past, you don’t have to be friends with everyone on the team but you do have to respect each other. Earn their respect and then move forward from there. Perform your duties to the best of your ability and try to avoid being that coxswain that lets their underlying Napoleon complex (we all have one) take over during practice. If they’re criticizing you for something, take in what they’re saying, dial back the attitude a couple notches, and consider if maybe they’ve made a point – maybe this certain thing is something you could/should be working on. Just because they’re assholes about it doesn’t mean that they don’t make a valid point now and then. I think that’s the hardest thing to come to terms with in situations like this. There’s always stuff to be working on and improving and as long as you’re making the effort, no one can or should criticize you for that. That’s not letting you off the hook in this situation or saying you’re doing everything right and they’re just being jerks … it’s just some food for thought.