Category: Teammates & Coaches

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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What do you think about coxswain – coxswain romantic relationships?

The same as any other crew relationship – probably not the smartest idea (especially if you’re on the same team) but if you’re mature about it, obviously I’m sure you can make it work.

Related: Relationships tag

The same drama that comes up with other relationships can arise if things end poorly and in the end, it’s a distraction that no one wants to deal with. It’s even tougher with coxswains because we’ve gotta be able to work together and communicate on/off the water – if something inhibits that then it effects everyone else on the team. Plus, if you’re on the same team and competing for the same boats, that can also cause unnecessary tension. It’s your call obviously but whatever you decide to do, maturity has to win out over everything else.

Coxing Novice Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Help! I was told by our head coach that I was head coxswain because I was most experienced and all of the others were novices. But he’s kicked me out of the position for some girl who coxed for two months at a ‘top rowing school’ at the end of last year and had never even coxed a regatta before last weekend! She also has no idea how to race cox and never makes the right calls in a boat and almost all of her boats performed badly at the regatta. What do I do?

I don’t think you should do anything. Keep doing what you’re doing while still doing all the usual stuff you would do to ensure that you’re actively making improvements. Unless you’ve been specifically told to “do this differently/better/more effectively”, change nothing. Sometimes coaches make really … interesting … decisions for absolutely no reason whatsoever and they only realize how bad of an idea it was when it blows up in their face.

The one thing you shouldn’t do is give up or slack off. Act like nothing has changed so that when your coach sees you coxing pieces on the water and hears from other coaches that your practice went great, he’ll question his decision and if two months at a “top rowing school” (with less than favorable results thus far) was really enough to warrant kicking an experienced coxswain out of the boat.

Related: This is probably going to sound really stuck up but I promise you I am not intending it to be that way. I’m the only coxswain my team has. I’ve coxed them through every race and I love coxing so much and I love my team, but one of my rowers now says she wants to be a coxswain and there’s only enough girls for one boat. I’m honestly terrified she’s going to try and take my spot and I want it way more than she does, to be quite honest. I’m just really worried and idk what to do.

This whole situation really has less to do with you (and to an extent, the other coxswain) and more to do with the coach. Any coach that puts a coxswain in because of superficial reasons like “she coxed at a top rowing school for two months”, “he weighs 120lbs, the other guy weighs 126lbs”, etc. deserves to suffer through the inevitable consequences of such a dumb decision.

Regardless of what happens, don’t shun the coxswain. Try to at least help her out, give her some pointers, etc. so that she can begin making the necessary improvements. Yea it sucks that she took your spot but it wasn’t her fault or decision so there’s no reason to let her keep doing poorly when there’s clearly info you could share with her, being the most experienced coxswain and all, that can help her get better. You don’t have to give up all your secrets but if you hear or see her doing something blatantly incorrect, talk to her after practice and explain how it should be done.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Hey! I just had a really bad practice and I need some advice. So I have the top eight right now but our coach changes it up all the time. There is a race coming up but I’m not going so naturally I’d be moved down to the boats that aren’t going. Today for practice he kept me on the A boat but I screwed up and steered into another boat and my steering was just bad overall today. He seemed really disappointed and the last time he seemed so disappointed, he moved the A cox down to B. I just really want to make up for today and I’m scared tomorrow I won’t be on A boat. What do I say/do? Also can you link me to the post about what to do after a bad practice? I just really want to make up for today and prove to my coach that even though I’m not going to the next (last) race, I’m still worthy of A boat. Thank you so much.

So this might not be what you want to hear but if you’re not going to the race, don’t worry about not being in the top boat. It’s more important for the coxswain that is going to be in there and you moving down to the B boat for a few days will give you the opportunity to work on the stuff you didn’t do so well with today without the added pressure of prepping for your race.

Related: What do you like to do to cheer yourself up after a lost race or tough practice?

With regards to your coach, if you feel like he’s disappointed in you, you should make an effort to go up to him before practice starts and acknowledge the mistake(s) you made, apologize (only once – it starts to sound disingenuous and gets annoying after that), and ask if he has any feedback for you (other than to steer better). Having one bad practice doesn’t make you unworthy of the top boats but an unwillingness to acknowledge and/or work on your weaknesses does. It sounds like you might be at the end of your fall season so use the last few practices to really work on your steering and anything else that they’ve said they’d like to see you work on. Throughout the winter, be a leader when you’re at practice and show your coach why you deserve a spot in the A boat.

As I’ve said before, make sure you’re going after the top boat because you actually deserve the top boat and have the skills to back up being there and not because you want to just say “I’m coxing the A boat”. Obviously everyone wants the A boat but there’s nothing wrong with coxing the B boat or the C boat, especially if you’re still developing your skills.

Q&A Rowing Teammates & Coaches

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Hi, I’m debating talking to my coach about why I am not in the first boat. I am not trying to be cocky I just want to know what’s preventing me from being in the top boat. I’ve consistently been within top 5 for both raw scores, and weight adjusted on the ergs. My coaches tell me I have a great attitude and I’m assuming my technique is fine because he has never said otherwise, plus I stroke 2V. When we do pieces at most 1V is a seat ahead of us. Do you think asking could come off as egotistical?

There’s definitely a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it but as long as you’re not coming off as whining and “why am I not getting my way, you have no idea what you’re missing, I’m so much better than this person”, I don’t think there’s any harm in you asking. I would actually encourage you to talk to your coach and see what he/she says. If you truly think you’re on par with the rowers in the 1V and your coach doesn’t give any indication that he/she disagrees, I would ask for a seat race.

If your coach gives you a reason or reasons as to why you’re in the 2V, take it in and make an effort to work on whatever things might be keeping you out of the 1V. It’s possible that there’s nothing keeping you out except for the fact that only eight rowers can fit in the boat (which sounds like that might be the case). As annoying as it is, let that motivate you to work harder so that when it comes time to make lineups your coach says “this guy who’s been stroking the 2V has really been stepping up lately, let’s see what he looks like in the 1V”.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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Hey! I’m a sophomore coxswain in high school and I’m in the 2V. We only have 2 varsity 8s because our team is a bit small. The 1V cox is a junior. (It’s a girls team). A lot of people have been saying that I am good enough to take her place, but I’m not sure if I am! She is a bit full of herself and thinks everyone likes her … but they don’t. She always gets confused but I am always alert and know what I’m doing. She is like my mentor and taught me a lot of the things I know. When I move into her spot (definitely by spring) how should I approach her since I will be the better coxswain? I’m just not sure if she will take it well, and I don’t want to make her angry or upset. This is difficult for me because I don’t want her to be sad that I took her place.

Here’s the thing. I don’t want to say that you shouldn’t care about the other coxswains because they’re your teammates and in most cases also your friends but when it comes to vying for boats … they’re the competition. I don’t give a damn about your feelings. I have a very “dog eat dog” philosophy when it comes to stuff like that. If having the 1V is important to you I expect you to have been working for it from day one just like I have been. If you haven’t been doing that and then end up losing your seat, well, sorry but you shouldn’t have assumed it was safe simply because of seniority or whatever. Keep personal feelings out of it.

If she’s been mentoring you, in theory I would think that she’d be at least a little proud that you’ve taken her advice and make improvements to the point where your coaches consider you skilled enough to handle the 1V. But, since not everything is rainbows and puppies I would suggest this:

Do not assume that you are the “better” coxswain, regardless of whether you are or aren’t. That just sounds stuck up and pretentious. If you act like that you can/will for sure turn her off and lose her as a mentor, which you probably don’t want.

Continue asking her for advice if/when you need it. Again, don’t assume that you have nothing left to learn just because you’re in one of the top boats. When you feel as though have nothing left to learn, that’s when you should quit.

Don’t assume you’re going to get the 1V. Even if it seems like a sure thing at this point, remember the saying that “the only sure things in life are death and taxes”.

Like I said before, if she’s upset, angry, or whatever about losing her seat, assuming your coach makes that decision, then that’s her issue to deal with, not yours. If she treats you like crap afterwards then that should be confirmation enough for your coach to know that they made the right decision by taking her out of the boat. You’ve just got to accept that that’s how she’s acting and move on.

I would also suggest not letting the rowers talk shit about her (or anyone else) to or around you. Regardless of whether you all get along with her, I don’t think it’s OK to do that to someone you’re on a team with. I’m a little torn on whether or not this is a self-serving ulterior motive or not but you can also make yourself look good in situations like that by shutting that kind of behavior down immediately and telling them to stop if you hear them saying something about her. Obviously you shouldn’t tell them to stop JUST to make yourself look good because that is shitty – I mean it in more of a “kill two birds with one stone” kind of way. In the long run if you’re known as the coxswain/person on the team who doesn’t tolerate stuff like that, you’ll be seen as more of a leader (obviously good for someone who’s a coxswain) and as someone who upholds a high standard of behavior for the people on the team. THAT is the kind of person I want coxing all of my boats, but I would depend on the coxswain in the top boat to be the one setting the example for everyone else. I’m definitely the kind of person that will take stuff like that into consideration when I’m thinking about lineups. Whether or not other coaches do that, that’s up to them, but one thing you should assume is that they are watching you to see how you react to and handle situations like that.

College Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Hi, I am a college freshman, and am in an uncomfortable situation with one of my assistant coaches. I like her and think she is a good coach however other girls have said she’s a bitch. At first I thought they just didn’t like her being a hardass (even though I didn’t even see her as that) but then the other day I found her a walk-on and she said I was her favorite freshman. She also said it to everyone else at practice. At first I was thinking she was joking around but I also see the way she acts around all the other freshmen and she can be pretty mean to them, especially our cox. She also came up to me while we were erg testing and was saying what our top freshman split was and how I was under it and that she wanted me to beat it. She didn’t say much to anyone else. The others have noticed the favoritism and personally I don’t think it’s fair to them because they work just as hard as me. Any advice on handling this situation?

Yikes.

She’s definitely in the wrong here for making it blatantly obvious that she’s playing favorites. My best advice would be to talk with your head coach about this and explain that it’s making you uncomfortable and putting you in an awkward situation with your teammates because it seems like your assistant coach is giving you preferential treatment while being overly-harsh with everyone else. If you’re comfortable saying that to your assistant coach, go for it, but I think it would be better to let the head coach deal with it since I think it’s something they’re better suited to handle. Since they have more authority than a freshman rower, it’s more likely (I would hope) that she’ll listen to them and take things a bit more seriously than if you said something.

Suicide Awareness + Prevention

College Teammates & Coaches

Suicide Awareness + Prevention

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Yesterday morning about midway through practice the lightweight guys did an on-the-water “tribute” for suicide awareness and prevention. The lightweights started doing this last year after they were approached about getting involved with the group that was holding an awareness and prevention walk in the park on the other side of the inlet. They thought it would be cool to do something on the water so they had the middle four rowers take their oars out of the oarlocks and stand up in the boat.

This year they managed to get the bow 7 of the far left boat standing and the middle 6 of the other two. It was really cool to see and so funny to watch as they all carefully removed their oars and stood up. It was about 45-50 degrees outside so there was a lot of motivation to move as gingerly as possible so as to avoid falling in the water. I didn’t notice until we were finished but there was actually a good sized group of people on the shore watching us and clapping for the guys when they got everyone standing up. They all said thank you to those of us in the launches and seemed genuinely grateful for the guys’ contribution.

When I was a freshman at Syracuse in 2006 I think there was something like three suicides at Cornell/in Ithaca in the month of August alone. (The gorges are popular jumping spots.) It was really jarring because as a freshman in college, hearing about so many people taking such extreme measures to rid themselves of their problems made me really nervous about the next few years. Fast forward a few years to 2010 with all the suicides of teenagers and young adults because they were being bullied over their sexual orientation or typical teenage bullshit. Fast forward again just a few months and that was when I started hearing about people my age committing suicide at alarming rates because they were so overwhelmed by student loan debt and being unable to find a decent paying job. I still read articles about this and it scares the shit out of me because I relate to that stuff so hard.

I think the vast majority of people who read this blog are either in high school, are in college, or have just graduated and there’s a lot of shit that goes along with being at each one of those stages in life. If you see or suspect someone is having a hard time, offer your support. All it takes is just letting someone know they can talk to you if they ever need it and then actually being there when they need you.

If you see or hear someone bullying someone else, say something. Someone’s personal hardships, who they’re into, what they look like, etc. doesn’t make them cannon fodder. Sometimes people make really shitty decisions when they’re in a dark place – been there, done that  – and more often than not it’s a call for help and having crass remarks directed towards them is not what they need. If you notice any of the warning signs of someone being suicidal, you have a responsibility to tell someone. That someone should be an adult – one of your coaches, a parent, a teacher, a counselor at school, etc. Do not just brush it off as them being dramatic or trying to get attention.

If you’re going through something, regardless of what it is or how big, small, or insignificant it seems, talk to someone. If you don’t think you can talk to a friend, parent, coach, or someone at school, you’re always more than welcome to email me. Sometimes (or most of the time) it’s a lot easier to vent to a stranger about things that are going on than it is to talk to people you know. It can be hard for the people who know you to understand that but I get it so you can always email me if you’ve got something going on and need someone to talk to. I’m available to give advice or just listen. I really hate when people try to solve my problems for me so if you just want to get stuff of your chest and rant, go for it.

This post isn’t entirely related to crew but hopefully you can see how it has a place in our sport. Like eating disorders, it’s something that isn’t talked about enough. That combined with the stigma of mental health issues contributes to a large part of the reason why people don’t ask for help and then the people who knew them lament over how “normal” they seemed because they never came off as sad or depressed. You’d be surprised how easy it is to keep all that stuff hidden if you really wanted to. There’s a lot of pressure with rowing, a lot more than there is with other sports at times, and sometimes it can be overwhelming when combined with everything else we’ve got going on. Suicide is never the answer though. There’s always people willing to help, regardless of whether they’re a friend or a stranger.

Image via // @beantownkmd

College High School Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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As a coach, do you feel that it is ever acceptable to refuse coaching to one specific individual solely on the basis of personal differences? My coach of two years this morning threw me out of his squad, not on the basis that I am a poor rower, that I don’t have potential, or that I don’t train, simply because he finds me difficult to deal with.

I guess my first question is why does he find you difficult to deal with? Coaches don’t normally just decide something like that, it’s usually something they notice and try to deal with over a period of time and then after deciding it’s either not worth their time anymore or is becoming too much of a distraction to your teammates, then they’ll remove you from practice(s) until you … change, for lack of a better word.

In certain situations, I do think it’s acceptable. I don’t think “refusing coaching” is the right term though because I (and most coaches) wouldn’t straight up refuse to coach you but I don’t see a problem with telling you to just go home if I felt like the situation/your attitude warranted it. You could be the best rower or coxswain on the team with a wealth of potential but if I think you’re a pain in the ass because you’re being uncooperative, uncoachable, or are being a distraction to the rest of the crew for whatever reason then yea, I wouldn’t have a problem telling you you’re out of the boat for the day/week.

If I was ever in this position I wouldn’t put you on land, I’d just send you home. I’m not a huge believer in punishing someone by putting them on the erg because I think that sends the wrong message about what the erg’s purpose is. If I find you difficult to deal with for whatever reason, chances are I also think that you’re wasting my time and having some kind of negative impact on your teammates’ ability to train. Why would I “reward” you by giving you the opportunity to continue training, even if it is on land, if you’ve been taking that opportunity away from your teammates for the last few practices? Time on the water is a valuable commodity that I don’t want to waste and if I think you’re wasting people’s time, I’m most certainly going to make you aware of it by taking away your opportunity to train.

After practice was over though or the following day I’d at least make the effort to talk to you to explain my reasoning for taking you out of the boat and try to get your side of the story to see if maybe there’s an underlying issue contributing to things. Basically I’d try to give you an opportunity to take ownership of the situation and recognize that your own actions are probably 99.9% of the reason why you’re on the erg and not in the boat. Doing that is a lot more effective in the long run than just saying “leave” and completely refusing to coach you, at least in my opinion.

On the flip side, if the coach is saying to get out of the boat and that they’re not going to coach you because you voted for this person instead of that person on one of those inane talent shows – those kind of personal differences – then yea, I think that’s unacceptable.