This is incredibly sad – incredibly sad – but in a really passionate, inspiring, kind of way.
College Rowing Teammates & Coaches Video of the Week
Category: Teammates & Coaches
High School Q&A Teammates & Coaches
Question of the Day
Hi (I’m in high school). One of the reasons I’ve always loved rowing is the people and my coaches but both my coaches have left and we’re going to be coached by existing coaches who we’ve already come across. But I feel like the atmosphere will be completely different. I’m planning to give it a trial few weeks and have a decision made by the end of September about continuing, waaay before my school starts racing. Is this a good idea?
I wouldn’t say it’s a bad idea but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea either. I get why you’d be apprehensive about a new coaching staff but if you’re going to give it a trial period, it’s essentially got to be for the whole season, mostly because there are only SO many people that can cox a boat (whereas with rowers, it’s usually not too difficult to find a replacement of adequate skill). Even if the end of September is way before your team starts racing, you’d still have been with them for at least two to three weeks, meaning your coach would have gotten used to you in the boat and your crew would have started getting used to you as well. If you left they’d have to find someone else to put in there and they’d only end up with maybe three weeks with that crew instead of having the same person in there for six to eight weeks.
I’d talk to the people on your team who were coached by these coaches previously and see what they say about them. How was their coaching, what was the atmosphere/culture like with them in charge, etc. Go into it with an open mind and then make a decision after the season ends. The atmosphere probably will be different just because the new coaches are completely different people … that’s not a bad thing so I wouldn’t write them off just because they’re not who you’re used to working with.
College Coxing Q&A Recruiting Rowing Teammates & Coaches
Question of the Day
So I’ve noticed that most recruiting questionnaires ask for your coach’s phone/email. What do college coaches who are talking to your high school coach ask about? I’m not nervous about it cause my coach and I have always had a good relationship, I was just curious.
If you’re a rower: erg scores, boatings, attitude, personality, personal qualities, work ethic, grades, coachability, etc.
If you’re a coxswain: everything I said about rowers (minus erg scores) plus leadership ability, practice management, communication skills, possibly audio, etc.
Basically they’re trying to figure out if you’re a good fit based on your overall attitude, level of commitment, and desire to push yourself. The biggest thing for them is finding people who are ready and willing to go to that next level and really throw themselves into a team environment and doing what is necessary for the good of the team. Having a good work ethic and the ability to be coached is crucial, as is being someone who will put the team and university in the best possible light. All of that stuff they assume your coach knows, so they’ll typically ask them for input and use that as part of their decision as to whether or not to move forward with you.
Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches
Question of the Day
This previous summer I had an ex-cox in the boat and she would tend to take my place and cox the boat … from two seat … every practice. It got really annoying sometimes and the stroke also got really pissed when it contradicted my calls. Albeit she has coxed much longer than me and her way of coxing is different then mine. Now flash forward to today when I found out another ex-cox is in my boat for this fall. How do I stop that from happening again and not having it get in the way of practice or regattas?
Here’s a foolproof test to determine who the coxswain in the boat is (this goes for rowers and coxswains-turned-rowers): if you’re staring at the back of someone’s head instead of looking right at their face … it’s not you. I don’t care if you’re more experienced and/or disagree with what the actual coxswain is doing, you don’t backseat cox. It’s just as annoying as backseat driving.
Do you know the new ex-coxswain well? If you do, I’d suggest talking to her before practice one day and just saying that last year you had a former coxswain in your boat and things didn’t go so well because of XYZ. If they have feedback or advice then obviously you want to hear it but, for the sake of not messing with the chemistry of the boat or undermining your authority, can they wait to share it with you after practice. Just keep it casual and let them know that if they’re willing to help, you’re willing to listen, but that it needs to happen off the water rather than on.
You’re the coxswain which means you need to, for lack of a better term, assert your dominance right off the bat. You have to make it clear that you’re in charge of the boat and that you’re the only person who should be giving instructions and feedback when you’re out. If you give anyone, coxswain or rower, the slightest inkling that you aren’t confident, don’t know what you’re doing, etc. you’re giving them the opportunity to potentially be a backseat coxswain and since you already know how that turns out, it’s something you’ll want to avoid. Be a team player, get feedback from everyone and then incorporate that into your coxing, communicate effectively, carry out the coach’s instructions correctly so you can avoid wasting time, know what you’re asking for when you ask someone to do something, know what to be looking for as far as technique goes, and above all, if there’s something you don’t know…ASK. If you do all of this then hopefully you can avoid being in the same situation you were in before.
Question of the Day
I feel like I can’t really relate to any of the other girls on my team. I know that crew itself is really close-knit, but I can’t help but feel like there’s a huge separation from me and the rest of the rest of the team where I don’t really know how to associate with them and they don’t really know how to associate with me just because I’m friends with an entirely different group of people than they are. Any advice?
That’s how I felt in college (which was the exact opposite of how it was in high school). Syracuse had a program called SummerStart where you could start taking classes as a freshman in July, so by the time the actual school year started I’d already built a solid group of friends over the past month and a half. There were a couple people on the team who I became good friends with because we were in the same major and took classes together but for the most part I wasn’t friends with the majority of them. It didn’t really bother me that much but it did play a small part in why I quit. One of my friends on the team told me several times how my roommate would tell the other girls not to invite any of the girls who had non-crew friends to anything (breakfast, parties, etc.) because we didn’t exclusively associate with the other rowers and coxswains, which, if I’d cared to hang out with them in the first place probably would have annoyed me, but at the time the effort they put into excluding us was nothing more than a source of amusement.
Looking back, sure, I’ll take partial responsibility for not making as much of an effort on my end to get to know them, regardless of whether I planned to occasionally hang out with them or invite them to every major life event over the years or not. As teammates who are theoretically going to row together for four years, you should at least know each other on a basic level. Part of the reason why I think the two groups never really approached each other is because our majors were all totally different (which is dumb because in college everyone’s major is most likely totally different from the next person…) so we didn’t know each other that well outside of crew and because no one really knew how to initiate the conversation. It’s actually a little funny and a little sad how different it is trying to “make friends” when you’re 18+ compared to when you’re 5. When you’re little you just want to be friends with whoever has the 64 pack of Crayola crayons.
Knowing what I know now I’d just talk to them like you’d talk to anyone else – ask them about their major (if you’re in college), why they chose it, what they want to do, what colleges they’re looking at (if you’re in HS), what they’re thinking about majoring in, how classes are so far, how was practice, how was their boat, did they go to the game last night, what’d they think of the latest episode of Dexter/Breaking Bad/Top Gear/whatever TV show is applicable, are they going to see Macklemore/Jay Z & JT/Maroon 5/whatever artist is applicable when they come to town, what’d they do over the summer, did they travel anywhere, did they go to Club Nationals, Henley, etc., etc. Unintentional eavesdropping is also a great conversation starter. If you walk by and hear them talking about sloths, ask them if they’ve seen Kristen Bell’s epic meltdown on Ellen (of course they have but who cares, ask anyways) and then proceed to talk about all the sloth videos on YouTube.
Another thing you could do that helped my friends and I in high school get closer was the boat dinners we had every week. Sometimes I’d be coxing a boat with people from two or three different grades in it, meaning we most likely didn’t know each other that well, but through boat dinners the night before a regatta we all became really good friends and really close as a crew. We’d also make t-shirts to wear when we traveled that usually had our nicknames or some inside joke on them, which was also a great way to spend time together. You have no idea the bonding that occurs when you put a group of girls in a car together and send them to Wal-Mart to get puffy paint and plain white t-shirts.
Don’t wait for them to start the conversation and then blame them in the end for not making an effort to get to know you if they don’t. They’re probably thinking the same thing about you. Nobody likes being the awkward person who thinks they come off as trying too hard but sometimes you’ve gotta suck it up and put yourself out there. It very rarely turns out as poorly as people think it will. I think we all think we’re a lot more awkward and weird than we actually are, which is what tends to hold people back from starting conversations because we don’t want other people to notice and judge us on our awkwardness, regardless of whether it’s real or perceived. I’m definitely guilty of that depending on the group of people I’m with. You might not lose anything by not speaking up but you certainly don’t gain anything either.
To answer your question, my advice would be to just strike up a casual conversation, try to keep it going without forcing anything, and just see where things go from there. See if you can find something in common with your teammates (other than crew) and use that as your building block(s).
Question of the Day
All the girls on my team are pretty good about the no crewcest thing, except this one girl, who keeps hooking up with many of the guys on the team and the team is slowly dying as a result. I’ve told her this would happen, but she doesn’t seem to care. The coach can’t really do anything, as its always after practice hours. Also, I feel for her, the team is more of a place to get guys than to actually improve her rowing and get faster. Any advice?
If the team really is being affected by her “extracurricular activities” then the coaches should say something. If she was doing this outside of practice with no effect on the atmosphere at practice then whatever but that doesn’t sound like it’s the case. Granted, if they do know what’s going on then they might not have any idea how to bring it up to her, especially if they’re men and especially if you’re in high school, so I guess I wouldn’t exactly blame them for not addressing it.
As her teammates you definitely have a right to be annoyed at her for playing a part in messing with the team culture but at the same time, you can’t put all the blame on her. Has anyone told the guys on the team to maybe, oh I donno, stop hooking up with her? It’s a two way street so if something is being said to her, something should also be being said to the guys. If they all want to hook up and cause drama and whatever else, by all means go for it but don’t bring all of that to practice. If that’s what you’re going to do then there’s no place on the team for you, plain and simple. Without getting into the dirty details, that’s really all your coaches need to say. I’d have no problem asking someone to leave the team if they disregarded that rule/request. Everyone else is there to make boats go fast and it’s hard to do that and build camaraderie with each other if everyone is constantly acting weird or giving off that awkward “morning after” attitude.
In the end, everyone is going to do what they want to do. The only thing you can ask of them is to stop bringing all the unnecessary drama to practice and be respectful of their teammates who just want to row. Point out to them how their actions are affecting the team and hope that from there they’ll recognize that they either need to stop or keep whatever’s going on amongst themselves and not the business of everyone else on the team.
Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches
Question of the Day
What would you do if you were a lightweight with a coxswain that’s actually heavier than the rowers? I don’t want to be rude about weight or anything but the mentality of it is just hard because we’re not big ourselves so the stationary person shouldn’t be bigger. Or am I just being a bitch?
No, you’re not being a bitch. Other people might think it’s a petty concern but I’m with you. Weight is a touchy subject but everyone has to be realistic and accept the fact that it’s part of the sport and part of being a coxswain or lightweight rower. Coxswains need to be cognizant of their weight, especially when they’re coxing lightweight crews, because it really doesn’t make sense to have someone who isn’t contributing to the boat’s movement weigh more than the people doing the actual work. It just doesn’t. There’s always been this unspoken rule that a coxswain shouldn’t weigh more than their lightest rower and I have to say that I agree with it.
It’s an awkward situation but it’s not really your or your teammates place to say anything. I totally get that she’s part of your boat and as such you’re going to have an opinion on the issue but you guys saying something will either a) cause a huge problem, b) come off as typical bitchy girl shit with some kind of hidden agenda, or c) just not be taken seriously. If you’re a freshman or sophomore, I wouldn’t worry about it too much because you’re just getting started with rowing so stuff like this isn’t as big a deal at that level but if you’re a junior, senior, or in college, it might be worth bringing up if you truly do think it’s an issue. If you all weigh 115lbs and she weighs 117lbs, yea she weighs more than you but not by anything incredibly substantial that it’s worth potentially igniting something over. If you all weigh 127lbs and she weighs 133lbs then yea, I can see why it’s an issue because that’s 23lbs over the minimum and about 15lbs (ish) over a reasonable “max” for a women’s coxswain.
The real problem is how to bring it up and who to bring it up to. To be honest, if I was coaching a crew that had an issue like this (or felt that it was an issue) I’d rather just have you come to me and say something rather than say something directly to the other person and then leave me to piece together the details and deal with the fallout. You kind of have to judge what your coach’s reaction would be before you do it though because, depending on their coaching style, your relationship with them, your coxswain’s relationship with them, etc., it could end up making you look … not good. Unless you are really good friends with your coxswain (and even then, a little bit…), I’d caution bringing the issue up with her yourself for the reasons I mentioned earlier.
Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches
Question of the Day
How do you deal with a coach who is egotistical and flat out rude sometimes? And it’s not even just that, he compares me to the older coxswains and it just makes me so frustrated. Even if I do every little thing right, he’s always being a jerk and honestly I don’t even want to do the sport if I’m going to be treated this way for the next few years.
I had a coach like this in high school – my senior year, of all years – and I felt the same way. He treated me and my boat like shit and eventually we had a pretty verbally aggressive shouting match after practice one day before eventually apologizing and agreeing to a mutually beneficial truce. I screwed up in that situation by letting the problem become bigger than it needed to – I should have said something from the beginning and not waited to the point where I was thoroughly enraged to finally speak up. Have you tried bringing the issue up to your coach that you’re feeling disrespected by him? I know it’s not exactly a comfortable or easy conversation to have but if you’re really on the verge of quitting, it might be worth doing to see if he at least makes an effort to change his attitude. I wouldn’t necessarily go the route I did and call him an asshole to his face though, no matter how much he deserves it. If going straight to your coach seems a little too intimidating at first, try talking to your assistant coach. Explain the situation to them, get their insight, and see if maybe they could bring the subject up to your coach or at the very least, be there when you bring it up.
Basically, there are two kinds of assholes – the first kind are the people who know they’re assholes, embrace it, and won’t change for anyone and then there’s the second kind who don’t realize they’re coming off as assholes until they’re called out on it. Let’s assume he’s the first one and brushes off everything you say, turns it around and puts the blame on you, pulls the whole “I’m the coach, I’m in charge, etc.” BS, and then treats you even worse afterwards. No matter how much you love coxing, at some point you’ve gotta decide if dealing with a coach who makes you feel like that is worth it. Are you really going to enjoy being at practice with someone who irritates you so much? Probably not, sooo … why are you there?
Now let’s assume he’s the other kind of asshole who doesn’t realize he’s coming off the way he is. Maybe he’s a young coach or new to this whole coaching thing and thinks that the “look at me, I’m such a badass” thing makes him look authoritative and in control. I would again try to bring the subject up with him and talk things out. Point out specific instances where his behavior has bothered you and why comparing you to the other coxswains the way he is might not be the most effective way to provide you with feedback (assuming that that’s what he’s trying to do). Giving him the benefit of the doubt here, hopefully he’ll listen to what you’re saying and make an effort to do things differently in the future. Don’t expect things to be drastically different immediately but at least show appreciation for the acknowledgment and the effort. As I’ve said a million times before though, he can’t do anything different if he doesn’t know there’s a problem to begin with.
Make sure to take a step back and look at things from his perspective too. Is it possible he always comes off as being pissed because he’s stressed or overwhelmed by something that’s happened/happening at practice? Trust me, I’m not making excuses for him or anything but think about your team, how you act, how your teammates act, etc. and see if you can pinpoint anything that might cause him to act like he does. Is there anything you could do differently or something you could offer to help him out with that might make the situation a little better?
It’s entirely possible that he’s just an asshole and a really shitty coach. I’m definitely not ruling that out but until you’ve made an effort to talk to him and get his side of the issue, don’t do anything drastic. If all else fails but you still want to be on the team, have your parents talk to him. (I’m assuming you’re in high school, which is why I’m suggesting this.) Get over the whole “I don’t want my parents involved, I’m not a kid, blah blah blah…” and bring the issue up with them. At the very least they’ll probably be pissed that they’re spending money on a very expensive, time consuming sport that you’re not getting much out of because your coach’s attitude is making you want to quit. That alone will probably make them want to say something. Plus, it can actually help to have them bring the subject up with your coach because most parents have a knack for tactfulness that teenagers tend to lack. They can usually get across the whole “my kid is unhappy, is considering quitting, this is something they really enjoy, what can be done” spiel in a way that the coach can actually understand (whereas with the kids it can sometimes come off as whiny). Plus, an unwritten part of the job is making sure everyone involved, including the parents, are happy. If that isn’t happening, sooner or later their job will be on the line.
In the end though, it’s your decision. If you genuinely feel like he is set in his ways, won’t make an effort to change, and that you’re not going to enjoy crew because of it, the best choice may very well be to walk away from it. It’s obviously not the optimal choice but it might be the right one.
Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches
Question of the Day
Today I was coxing and I crashed a boat because we were coming in and there are rocks on the bank of the river and I thought we had gone out enough but we hadn’t and crashed into a rock and bent the fin. I feel so bad and I’ve never been responsible for gear breakage before and I apologized 20 million times and the coach said it’s ok but he still looked disappointed and I feel horrible. Sorry, I had to vent somewhere.
If it was your first time being responsible for some kind of equipment breakage, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal, especially if it was an accident (even more so if it was unavoidable). Your coach might have looked disappointed but he was probably just thinking that fixing the boat is something extra he’s got to do on top of his other responsibilities. Make it up to him by offering to help replace the fin or by asking to watch so you can see how to do it in the future.
College Recruiting Teammates & Coaches
Letters of Recommendation
Following up on a question I got yesterday (linked below) and to answer a few other similar ones I’ve gotten recently, today’s post is going to be on letters of recommendation. They’re not usually required like they are with regular college apps but they can help you out during the recruiting process, especially if you’re a little late to the game.
Letters from your coaches essentially follow the same format that ones from your teachers do. The goal is for them to write about their interactions with you, how they’ve watched you grow as a person and athlete during the time they’ve been coaching you, what you’ve brought to your team and what you can bring to your future teams, etc. “Letter” is just the general term too – the vast majority of these will be written and sent off via email, although you can go the snail mail route if you really want to.
There’s some common sense/common courtesy protocol that you should follow but it’s really up to you how you go about doing this. If you’re asking someone to write you a letter you kinda want to go out of your way to make the process as simple and straightforward for them as possible, that way all they have to do is write it and send it off. Plus, it makes you look good. Don’t be a total kiss-ass but don’t just assume that you don’t have/need to be a little more formal than usual just because of the nature of your relationship.
Here are some general tips and guidelines:
Who should write them
Varsity coaches are obviously the best choice because theoretically they’ve been with you the longest but if there’s another coach on the team who you have a good relationship with, have known for at least one year (spring and fall seasons if possible), and can attest to your character and abilities, by all means ask them if they’d be willing to help you out. You want to have the best people possible speaking on your behalf so while the 24 year old super chill assistant coach might be your bro off the water, if you haven’t had much interaction in terms of being coached by them at practice, I’d wouldn’t put them at the top of my list.
I had both of my coaches, who coached me for three years each, write letters for me. From what I was told, one wrote his letter based on my overall contribution to the team, my leadership skills, my success on and off the water, etc. and the other, who was a coxswain himself, wrote a little more specifically about me as a coxswain.
When and how to ask
Privately, obviously, not in the middle of practice or when there’s a million things happening. If they don’t already know that you’re considering rowing or coxing in college, fill them in because you never know what connections they may have than can help you out down the road. Tell them of your intentions, the schools you’re looking at, etc. and then say something along the lines about how you respect them and their opinions and it would mean a lot if they would be willing to write a letter of recommendation on your behalf. Most, if not all, coaches consider it to be an honor to be asked to write something like this so make sure you show your appreciation in return by saying “thank you” and that you’ll give them all the information they’ll need within the next day or two (and then actually get it to them in that time frame).
Put together a list of your accomplishments
Assemble your rowing resume and give it to your coach so they can see your results and accomplishments on paper instead of having to rack their brains to figure out how well you did in the JV 8+ at Stotes your sophomore year. It’s also a good idea to include your most recent report card (or your transcript if you can get a copy) and a copy of your SAT/ACT scores so they can see the kind of student you are in and use that to further promote you in terms of what you’ll bring to the university as well as to the crew team.
Remember, erg scores are great but your grades are what’s going to get you into college. Don’t be stupid and assume otherwise (and yes, that is a stupid assumption). You could also include a brief list of your other extra-curriculars so they can see what all you’re balancing in addition to crew but since you want the letter to mostly speak of your athletic background, try to keep it about rowing for the most part.
Write a brief summary of your plans and goals
This should be at least half a page but no longer than one page. All you’re doing is giving your coaches some insight into what you’re planning to do in the future and how rowing plays a part in that. Include what you’re hoping to major in, what you’d like to do with that (if you know), why you want to row in college, if you have U23 plans, etc. This could also be laid out during a conversation with your coach but some might not have time to do that so writing it out is easier. I did both with my coaches – one I wrote everything out for and the other I had a conversation with after practice.
Give them a timeline of when this needs to be completed by
Coaches are busy people too and most have jobs and lives outside of rowing. It’s very easy for stuff like this to get lost in the fray so for your own piece of mind and for their own organizational purposes, let them know the date that you’d like to have these done by. I asked my coaches if they could have everything done within two weeks from the date that I gave them my stuff and they were great about sticking to that (mostly because I think they knew how important it was to me). If you give them everything today (August 7th) I think it’s pretty reasonable to ask for everything to be completed by August 21st. That’ll give them two weeks to sit down, think of what to write, look over your accomplishments, reminisce about the good times, put together a thoughtful letter, and get it sent out. Any longer than two weeks and you run the risk of it being forgotten about or lost in the shuffle.
Compile the contact info of the coaches/schools you’re talking to
This will give them a chance to do some research on the program and get an idea for how you’d fit in there. As far as contact info goes, include the coach’s name, phone number, and email. Make sure you’re including the coach who’s listed as the recruiting coordinator, not just the head coach since the assistant who handles the recruiting will likely be the one you’ll interact with the most. Most times when you email the head coach they’ll glance at it but just end up forwarding to the coach who’s actually in charge of recruiting.
The other thing to remember is that these letters are confidential between your coach and the coach who reads them. If you feel the need to double check what they say about you to make sure they said something good maybe you should consider choosing someone else to write your letter. You can ask them what they said but a) that’s almost sorta kinda inappropriate and b) they don’t necessarily have to tell you. That’s why it’s important to choose someone ahead of time that you know can and will say positive things about you.
After mine were sent out my coaches asked if I wanted to know what they said and since we had a pretty good relationship I said they could tell me if they wanted but I trusted that they said good stuff. They gave me a general overview (which is how I know that one spoke about me as a coxswain and the other wrote about my contributions to the team, leadership skills, etc.) and that was that.