Category: Teammates & Coaches

How a collegiate coxswain earned her crew’s respect

College Coxing High School How To Novice Teammates & Coaches

How a collegiate coxswain earned her crew’s respect

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After yesterday’s post on respect went up, I got an email yesterday from a coxswain that I wanted to share. I think most of can say “yup, been there…” and relate to what she’s saying. She brings up a lot of excellent points so I hope everyone is able to take something away from reading this and apply it to your own situation.

Related: RESPECT

“Here’s my story on how I gained respect on my team.

I rowed three sprint seasons at an all-girls’ high school prior to becoming a coxswain in college.  When I joined the team, they were so short on coxswains that they bumped me right up to varsity – in the men’s boat.  Now, I realize that my coxing style is definitely one that works best with men’s teams, but when I joined the team, I was a shy first-year student trying to adjust to life in college who only had experience with women’s rowing and sprint races, and who had clocked in only a few hours in the coxswain’s seat previously.  I was terrified, and although I like to think I didn’t show my nervousness to an extreme degree in the boat, I certainly did not sound sure of myself, and that led to a bumpy season with regards to team dynamics.

Later on in the season, we had a really bad race.  The crank that turned my rudder had corroded to a point at which it would not even turn the rudder to port slightly.  Pair that with steering that still was at a novice level, and you get a race that left us all, including myself, even more unsure of my abilities as a coxswain (I won’t go into details – but it was hairy).

That was when I talked to my coach, who told me to meet with my stroke seat to come up with a game plan and a list of goals; my coach’s logic was that if you have one of the rowers on your side, the rest are more likely to follow suit, especially if it’s the stroke seat who naturally assumes a leadership role in the boat.  There, he told me something that has stuck with me.  This particular comment only applies to my situation, but the general sentiment, I think, applies to all crews.  My stroke seat didn’t mince words, looked me straight in the eye, and said:

“We are a boat of eight big, cocky guys who all think we’re better than everyone.  We’re bigger than you, stronger than you, older than you, and we don’t give a shit that you rowed longer than most of us have.  So we’re not going to give you respect; you have to take it from us.”

Let me first say that the guys I coxed that season are not the brand of asshole that you would think after reading that comment. And obviously it wasn’t meant to be – nor was it taken as – an enumeration of my flaws. It was just a glimpse into the mind of a college men’s crew.  But it was exactly what I needed.I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that within a week of having that conversation with my stroke seat, my coxing did a total one-eighty turn.  I started as a timid little freshman and ended as a coxswain who would kick her crew’s ass and push them to their limits. And, more importantly, I finally understood something really important about coxing that I think all novice coxswains have to realize, one way or another: you have to know who you’re coxing.  It’s obvious, and you say that on your blog all the time, but that was when I learned it, and it made all the difference in learning how to deserve and earn the respect I wanted.

In my case, I had to (for lack of a better term) sack the fuck up and be willing to get a little mean, because I was coxing men who respond best to (constructive, not over-the-top) aggressiveness and a no-bullshit coxing style.  In cases like yours, it might be figuring out how to bridge the age-gap, if a coxswain is much younger than his or her crew.  In all cases, it’s a matter of being flexible and letting WHO you’re coxing inform you HOW to cox them.  For me, I gained respect by yanking it away from them and claiming it as my own, making it absolutely clear that I am not to be messed with.  For someone else, it might be totally different.  But the underlying principle is the same no matter what: respect has to be earned, not just given, not because “ree-rah I have the microphone so what I say goes” and not because of some divine right thereto.”

Image via // NBC Olympics
RESPECT

College Coxing High School How To Novice Teammates & Coaches

RESPECT

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I get emails and questions from coxswains all. the. time. that read like lyrics from an Aretha Franklin song.

“All I’m askin’ … is for a little respect.”

They want to know how to get their boat, their coaches, the team, etc. to respect them because they are coxswain, hear them roar. I applaud the tenacity and enthusiasm but there are some things you’ve gotta understand first, starting with the fact that wanting, earning, getting, and deserving respect are four completely different things. You might want respect and feel like you deserve it but you have to earn it before you get it.

I’m not going to say this is a foolproof guide to gaining respect but it’s a start.

Respect is a two-way street

You have to give respect to get it in return. You’re in charge of the rowers but you’re not and they have to obey your commands but at the same time they don’t. It’s a respect and safety thing. It starts out as pure safety and then as you spend more time on the water together it blends to a mix of the two. This is really where it all begins. You get thrown in the boat as a novice after hearing from your coach that the rowers have to listen to you because you’re the coxswain, it’s your job to be in charge, etc. and we instantly develop this Napoleon complex and think we’re the shit because we get to boss people who are bigger than us around. Nope nope nope. If you get in the boat thinking that the rowers are your minions out to do your bidding, you’re setting yourself up for apocalyptic failure.

Related: Words

In the beginning they have to listen to you because they don’t know what they’re doing and by being in your position it’s assumed you do (even when you don’t either). Someone has to tell them what to do and they have to listen because…they just do. As you start coming together as a boat — as a crew — they start listening to you not out of necessity but because they trust you and your judgement (on everything…). In order for this to happen, you have to gain their trust and in order to do that, you have to afford your crew the same level of respect that you desire in return.

Be in control of every situation by staying calm and composed

The strongest leaders are the ones who can silence a crowd without raising their voice. Yelling or being loud just to be loud doesn’t mean you’re taking charge — it means you’re straining your vocal cords for no reason.

Show up

Show up physically (never on time or late, always early), emotionally (what happens outside of crew stays outside of crew, don’t start or perpetuate unnecessary drama, etc.), mentally (be ready to do work and get shit done), and spiritually. If you’ve rowed long enough, or maybe if you’ve only rowed for one season, you know what I mean by “spiritually”. It’s that feeling you have when you show up at the boathouse and get on the water that can’t be explained to anyone who’s never experienced it. This quality must be infectious in you — when your crew isn’t feeling it one day, they should be able to look at you and feed off your energy.

Experience “the dark place”

Have you ever seen a rower doing a 2k or looked into your stroke’s eyes during an all out, balls to the wall piece, and been able to see hell in their eyes?That is the place I’m talking about. Soldiers won’t follow a general into battle if the general has never been in their shoes before. It’s not about pulling a certain split or getting a certain time; if your 2:04 split makes you feel the same way your rower feels when pulling a 1:39, so be it. The numbers don’t matter. It’s about the toll being put on your mind and body.

One of the biggest ways to gain the respect of your crew is to never ask them to give more than you could give yourself. Don’t say “I know you’re hurting” if you’ve never experienced what they’re going through. Wherever and whatever the dark place is for you, go there every once in awhile to remind yourself of just how strong your teammates are. Every time you finish I guarantee that you’ll be newly enlightened with an even greater sense of admiration for what they put their bodies through. (Don’t make the fatal mistake of confusing hero worship and respect though.) Remind yourself of that “wow, these guys” feeling every time you call for a power ten or the build into your sprint or “everything you got, put it on the line, right here“.

No matter what the situation is, its never “you” and “them”, it’s “us” and “we”

This can not be emphasized enough. You are not eight rowers and one coxswain. There is not an invisible divide between the stroke seat and the ninth seat. You are ONE crew. That subtle change in linguistics says a lot and it’s something I really pay attention to as a coach. You want your teammates to consider you as part of the crew?Act like one. When talking about your boat, it’s never “they’re doing this”, it’s “we’re doing this”. “They” didn’t row poorly, “we” rowed poorly. “You” don’t want this, “we” want this.

When you say “they”, it’s as though you’re excluding yourself from whatever follows. “They” had a bad race. “They” had a great day on the water. Don’t you think you played a part in that? If you only include yourself in the positive and not the negative, what do you think that says to your teammates? That you only want to be involved in their success but never their failure. On the flip side, if you never include yourself in the positive it gives off the impression that you’re not considering your own contributions, which opens the door for the rowers to not consider them either. I’ll say it again — you are not eight rowers and one coxswain. You are ONE crew.

Always learn from your experiences, positive and negative, on the water and off

Every opportunity is a chance to learn something new or reinforce something you’ve learned previously. You should be soaking it in every chance you get. You can’t do that if you consider yourself anything less than a sponge at any given moment during practice. That glazed over, “kill me now” look in your eyes during winter training? Yea, stop that. Your coach is talking to 3-seat on the water about keeping his inside shoulder relaxed and you’re staring at the group of people picnicking on shore? Yea, stop that too. You can read about technique all you want but reading is only going to take you so far. It’s a book sense vs. street sense kind of thing. You need to be in the boat, in the launch, watching video, etc. Your rowers notice when you’re taking advantages of these opportunities and your coaches absolutely notice when they hear you make a call based off of something they said individually to a rower (or even to the crew as a whole). It shows that you’re invested, engaged, and doing your part to make the boat go fast.

Rowers add meters to their stroke by erging, lifting, etc. You add meters to all of their strokes by filling your brain with useful information that you’ve attained through every avenue possible, not just from reading a blog online (although that’s a good start, if I do say so myself), and then delivering it in the most effective way(s) possible. In a similar vein, don’t coach beyond your level of experience. If you’re a novice coxswain, don’t try to cox like you’ve been doing it for ten years. I understand the intentions but more often times than not it comes off as obnoxious and your coxing ends up being just plain bad. Don’t cox what you don’t understand.

Reaction time is crucial

One of the first things I was taught as a novice was that you have to be able to experience, analyze, and react to situations no less than five seconds before they happen. You have to anticipate everything and anything. Ten different scenarios have to be going through your head at any given time and you’ve got to have a plan for every single one. Something that hurts novice rowers in the earning respect department is having horrible reaction times to what’s happening on the water. This usually occurs more when they’re coxing experienced crews but novice crews can also tell when their coxswain is showing up to the party late (and not in a fashionable way).

Your rowers shouldn’t have to take control of the boat because YOU should already have it under control. If rowers are calling for something to happen or telling you to do/call something, that’s a problem because you should have already done or called it. You earn respect from your rowers by demonstrating an unwavering capability to take control of a situation if and, most especially, when the situation warrants. This also relates to what I said at the beginning — calm and composed, never freaking out. For clarification/elaboration, reaction times doesn’t apply only to a situation that could be considered dangerous. It also applies to you calling for the starboards to lift their hands immediately after the boat goes offset, telling the crew exactly what needs to happen in order to recover from a crab and get back into the piece, etc.

Stand up for yourself and always be confident in your calls, decisions, and actions

Your teammates, including other coxswains, are only going to be assholes to you if you let them. If they think they can get away with it, nothing’s going to stop them from telling you to shut up, stop being such a goody two-shoes, or to straight up fuck off. You are in a position on the team that invites a lot of criticism and you have to have a thick layer of skin to deal with it. Confidence is non-negotiable. If you question yourself every time you do something or you let people walk all over you, no one is going to respect you because you don’t respect yourself.

Something I heard a college coach tell a novice coxswain a few weeks ago was “don’t invite contradiction”. I’ve heard that phrase many times in many different situations over the years and have always liked it. A coach I worked with this year said that he’d rather have a coxswain steer directly into a bridge than debate about what to do to avoid it in the five seconds before they hit it. Sticking to your convictions, regardless of whether the outcome is good or bad, is important. Being able to defend why you did something is better than doing something and not having a reason for why you did it.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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I consider my crew to be very lucky. We possibly have one of the best coxswains around. She can steer like a BOSS and has the patience and the nature of a saint. However I think we pushed her to her limits at one point and I don’t think I have ever seen her that angry. I often read this blog and I always read tips on what makes a great coxswain, how to deal with your rowers, and things not to do however I would like to hear from a coxie’s point of view is what are the things that rowers do that really sets you off edge and how we can avoid those things. I know coxies are all different (…and I have had some interesting ones at times) but it would really help if you could give some pointers from a coxswain. As rowers our biceps are sometimes bigger than our brains so it would help if you could give us some insight. Thanks…oh, and great blog!

This is the best question ever. It’s great that you recognize how lucky you are to have a such a skillful, knowledgeable, and personable coxswain. Out of curiosity, how did you push her to her limits? Were there any repercussions? How did you apologize? (You did apologize, right?)

Things that rower’s do that irritate coxswains:

Talk or screw around in the boat, especially if you’re in bow pair.

This drives me nuts. There’s a time and a place for it and 99% of the time, while you’re on the water is not it. The reason it annoys me is not because I think that the boat should be some kind of rigid, military-like atmosphere while we’re out but because if I’m trying to get you to do something and you’re not doing it because you’re talking or screwing around with someone else, time is being wasted. If we say “bow six, row” we mean bow six, not bow, 2, and 5. Me telling you to take two strokes so I can get my point should not be something I have to repeat three times, especially when my already-loud voice is amplified through a microphone. Plus, my number one job is to maintain the safety of the crew. If I see something that could potentially be or is a dangerous situation, it’s my responsibility to get us away from it as quickly as possible. I can’t do that if no one is paying attention.

To avoid pissing off your coxswain in situations like this, don’t start a conversation with the four people around you as soon as you’re told to weigh enough, always be listening for your coxswain’s instructions (especially if you’re in bow pair), and in general, use your common sense. If the conversation can be had off the water, don’t have it on the water. Also, regarding safety, If we’re rowing and you start yelling things out, please know that I have no clue what you’re saying and I’m basically going to assume that a shark just jumped into the boat and ate your face off or we’re about to hit someone or something. I will stop the boat, ask you what you said, and then get royally pissed at you when you say you were saying something stupid like “set the boat”, “pull harder”, or whatever. Do. Not. Do. This.

Not carrying your own water bottle.

If you can see that your coxswain’s hands, basket, etc. is full or looking particularly heavy, don’t walk over and toss your full water bottle in it just as she’s about to pick it up. Stick your water bottle in your spandex and carry it yourself.

Assuming we know everything the coach is thinking and then getting pissed at us when we don’t.

To quote the person that sent this, “”Will I be rowing today? Will today be hard? What erg piece is he going to make us do next? Will I be in the boat this weekend? What are his plans for ‘X’ boat? Who’s he considering?” While some of these things are stuff coxswains SHOULD know, there is a lack communication, and/or coaches can change their minds in a heart beat if the need be.” Feel free to ask your coxswain these questions but know more often times than not that they are just as clueless as you.

Assuming you’re not doing something your coxswain (and/or coach) says you are and/or not making a change when it’s called for.

If your coach tells you to make an adjustment or points out something you’re doing, it’s our job to remind you to do it and then reinforce it as we row. Don’t assume that you’re not doing something that two people are making an effort to point out to you that you are and please don’t actually say out loud to us that you aren’t doing it. We’re looking directly at your blades so if we say that you’re skying, digging it in, late to the catch, washing out at the finish, etc. you can bet that you’re doing it.

Don’t be that guy in the boat that has such an ego that he refuses to make any changes either. If we say your name or seat number or “bow 4” or “stern 4” or “starboards” or whatever part of the boat you’re a part of, make. an. effort. to make the change we’re calling for. We can see and feel when people make those changes and as you get more experienced you can tell who specifically did and didn’t do it. I haven’t had this happen too often to me when I’ve coxed but the few times it has it’s made me feel a little disrespected and like you don’t think I actually know what I’m talking about. I understand “getting in the zone” and tuning other things out but your coxswain should not be one of those things.

Unnecessarily taking control of the boat/backseat coxing.

There are only two reasons that I can think of (as a coach and coxswain) of why it would be acceptable for a rower to take control of the boat. One is if the the coxswain is legitimately unable to cox (99.9% of the time due to a medical reason – I’ve seen this happen once) and the other is if they’re a novice and genuinely don’t know the right things to say and/or are inadvertently putting the crew in a dangerous situation. At that point the only person in the boat who should be saying anything is the stroke.

If you are shouting at your coxswain or the rest of the crew to do something, you’re undermining the coxswain’s authority. If they’re a novice, this can really hurt them in terms of trying to gain the respect of the crew. If they’re experienced it can actually make the rowers lose respect for them because it comes off as them not knowing what to do or what’s going on or more importantly, not being strong-willed enough to stand up to the rowers (who, by the power vested in them by the coach, they are technically in charge of while on the water).

Yelling at your coxswain after the fact.

Sometimes coxswains do things that piss the rowers off and you are well within your right to call them out on that. Waiting until you’re off the water and the boat and oars are put away to lose your shit on them though accomplishes absolutely nothing and only makes you look like an ass. Instead of screaming at them about whatever happened, ask them when you get off the water if you can talk to them after practice and then go down on the dock away from the rest of the team and have a conversation with them. I’m not saying the conversation has to be friendly or anything because emotions happen and I get that, but at the very least it does have to be civil. Explain what the issue is, why it’s an issue, and what you’d hope they could do differently in the future.

If the issue is really serious, talk to your coach and let them do the yelling. That’s their job. (Well, not really but you know what I mean.) If you’re more experienced than your coxswain (i.e. varsity vs. novice), you have a responsibility and a duty to help teach them and yelling is not how you go about doing that, even if at times that seems to be the quick, go-to, natural reaction. Don’t shatter their confidence before they’ve had a chance to even build any.

Bringing up a past bad race, piece, or loss to your coxswain.

That shit isn’t funny. I promise you – promise you – with absolute certainty that coxswains take these things way harder than any rower. For me, I feel a personal sense of responsibility whenever something goes wrong because it’s my boat. I’m in charge. Regardless of whether whatever made it bad was my/our fault or something completely out of our control, it eats at me and takes a while to move past, even if it seems like I’ve gotten over it pretty quickly. If we’re in a similar situation or about to do another piece or racing the same crews, I guarantee that I was already thinking about that “last time” 20 minutes before the thought even crossed your mind. I’m going over everything that happened previously so I can make sure we/I do things better this time. I don’t need you putting on your “snarky rower” hat and saying “don’t fuck up!” because I’ve been saying that to myself since I first got in the boat.

Trying to get them to be a clone of your old, last, or favorite coxswain.

I hate when coaches switch lineups and who’s coxing who each week because it causes issues for everyone. What makes things especially awkward though is when you get in a boat with a new coxswain and ask them to do everything the exact same as another coxswain on the team. The person who sent me this said that asking a coxswain to call, say, or do things the same way as another coxswain feels disrespectful and like you’re just putting up with them being in the boat because the coach put them there and not because you actually want them to be there.

I’m a big proponent of collaborative coxing while still maintaining your own individual style and way of doing things. If you had a coxswain that had this one call that you really responded to, by all means, absolutely  talk to your new coxswain about it and ask if he/she would mind trying to incorporate it into their calls. Explain why so they can get a bit of background on why it works and why you like it. If they’re smart though they’ll have already talked with the previous coxswain of their new boat to see what works and what doesn’t when coxing them, what they respond to, what they like, etc.

I hope that helps. Coxswains, feel free to leave a comment and elaborate on something I’ve said or add something I didn’t mention.

Coxing Novice Q&A Racing Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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Today my coach posted the line ups for our race this weekend. I am racing in the 2V8+. It is a pretty good boat, but we have a novice coxswain. She has coxed for us before, but she often crashes into other boats and in the last race she called a power 10 for the muffins at the food tent! We have tried to give her suggestions for what we want to hear, but she just doesn’t listen. Is there any respectful way to ask my coach if we can have another coxswain?

When you’ve given her suggestions in the past on things to say, how have you done it? Have you just kind of thrown out a bunch of ideas all at once or did you write them down and give her the piece of paper? Speaking from personal experience, I know it’s hard to remember what eight different people want you to say when they just word-vomit the ideas out at you. When I realized I wasn’t going to remember anything they said, I went around to each person and had them write down one or two calls that they want/needed to hear and then I’d take the paper out with me and try to incorporate them into practice. If that’s the reason it seems like she’s not listening, I’d try writing stuff down and giving it to her, then seeing where it goes. If she’s not listening just because she doesn’t want to or doesn’t care, that is an issue that you should talk to your coach about.

Being that your race is in two days, I think that, unfortunately, it’s probably too late for your coach to put another coxswain in the boat. I’m not sure how big the regatta is that you’re going to but most require lineups to be submitted a few days ahead of time and to change the lineup the day of requires a lot of work that no one really wants to waste time on. It’s also possible that your coach is putting her in the boat with you so that she can get experience with a crew that actually knows how to row, if that makes sense. Sometimes novice coxswains pick things up faster when they don’t have to also worry about coxing eight people who have no idea what end of the oar goes in the water.

That’s not to say that you still shouldn’t talk to him/her though and explain that when you’ve had her in the past, this is what’s happened, and it makes the boat feel uncomfortable when she’s coxing. Ask if today and tomorrow he can spend some time on and off the water working with her on whatever you/the boat thinks she needs help with. She is a novice, remember, so there are still going to be kinks that need to be worked out but hopefully your coach can get through to her the importance of steering straight, making good and effective calls, etc. I would also grab one of the varsity coxswains and ask them to work with her and give her some pointers.

Coxing High School Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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IDK if you can help with this but I’m a novice coxswain and there is another rower/coxswain on varsity who keeps giving me a lot of crap for things that are out of my control. Like, if I tell my boat to be back at a certain time and they are a little late or if another coxswain makes a mistake and takes my boat’s oars – I get blamed. Like it is my fault that other people messed up. It really just shakes me up and stresses me out before we race. Any advice to get her to stop?

People like this are the kind of people you just have to learn to ignore. I know it can be intimidating as a novice to have a varsity teammate always on your ass like this but the best way to deal with it is to either ignore it or just say “OK thanks, I’ll take care of it” and then walk away. There’s no reason to let it stress you out. At one point or another I think we’ve all had teammates or people we’ve worked on group projects with that are like this. It’s like they’re bored or something and just looking for something to complain about to make it seem like they’re doing or contributing something. I just roll my eyes at them and ignore it because that’s really all the consideration I tend to give to whatever they’re saying.

Something you could do is make an appeal to your boat or the other coxswain who took your oars. Tell your boat that when you say to be back at a certain time, they really need to be back by that time so you can then do whatever you’re going to do – go out on the water, your erg tests, etc. You don’t have a lot of practice time so the time you do have can’t be wasted. When they say (and they will say this, trust me) “we were like, two minutes late, what’s the big deal…”, tell them that you know that and while it might not seem like a big deal to them, things still get said to you about how your boat was late and it gives the impression that they don’t listen to you when they frequently aren’t at the boathouse when you ask them to be there. You don’t have to be mad or angry when you tell them this – just have a conversation and let them know that as their coxswain, teammate, etc. you’d appreciate if they could make an effort going forward to please be at the boathouse when you ask them to be there.

As far as other coxswains taking your oars go, make sure it’s clear before you take the boats out who is supposed to take which oars and which oars go with which boats. If someone accidentally took the set that your boat was supposed to use, whatever, but don’t be afraid to say “hey, I think yesterday you might have grabbed our oars on accident – we’re taking the one with blue tape…” and then leave it at that.

If the varsity rower/coxswain who is giving you problems continues and doesn’t let up, talk to your coach or team captain. Explain the situation, tell them that you’ve talked to your boat about being on time and the other coxswains about making sure you’re all taking out the correct oars, and then get their input and go from there.

Don’t let it stress you out or piss you off. Is it annoying? Yea, absolutely but the less you fuel the fire by responding to what they say or getting upset about it, the less they’ll bother you.

College Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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In high school my coach was a former coxswain and put a big emphasis on teaching the coxes. I spent 4 years learning how to cox from him, my fellow coxswains, countless recordings, clinics, etc. I am very much of the opinion that there is a right way to cox, and one of the things I learned from my high school coach that’s really stuck with me is to avoid the use of “filler”, i.e. meaningless encouragements, general yelling, and just general talking for the sake of talking.

Now that I am in college, I am working with a different group of rowers who haven’t ever known this philosophy of coxing. For the most part, their high school programs were less serious, and they learned to row in a “coxswains are cheerleaders” environment. When my coach has them fill out feedback forms, I get comments like “You are very organized and I always trust you at races,” “You make great technique calls,” “Great steering,” etc. Always followed by the “but you’re not aggressive enough during pieces.” When I’ve asked what they’re looking for, they pretty much define filler. They want me to yell stupid things about the crews next to us to get them fired up and essentially just scream from start to finish. At a small and inconsequential race in the fall, I decided to try it. I finished thinking that that was some of the worst coxing I had ever done. There was no coherent race plan, no useful information about the course, no technical focuses. However, the feedback I got was “That’s some of the best coxing you’ve ever done.” All I did was yell nonsense for 5k!

This spring, my unwillingness to compromise my coxing lost me the boat. (Granted, this was not a coaching decision, but a simple vote from the top 8). I am absolutely willing to work with the girls on specific calls that work for them and get them fired up within the scope of our race plan, but not at the expense of everything else I do well. How do you think I should deal with this? I learned how to cox around rowers who were taught the same things I was about coxswains, but now I’m stuck coxing in a “coxswains are cheerleaders” environment.

A few things to start:

Have you ever explained your style of coxing to your crew(s) and why it works, not only for you but for the boats you’ve coxed previously?

I’m a firm believer in not compromising what you know works and what you do well just to satisfy other people. I’ve been asked to do it before under threat of losing a boat and I willingly gave up that boat because I didn’t want to stop doing the things that I knew made me a good coxswain. I agree with and absolutely support you because I’ve been there and I know what it’s like. You definitely have to be flexible and willing to try new things but the line’s gotta be drawn somewhere.

Have you ever considered or tried coxing men? Your style, which I will now affectionately call “sugar and bullshit free coxing”, sounds like something they would really respond to.

I’d start by having a conversation with your coach(es). Explain to them that this was how you were taught to cox from the very beginning, this is why it worked for you, and this is why it’s a strategy you believe in (and it absolutely is a strategy). Help them to understand how the type of rowers you’re coxing now are different than the ones you’re used to coxing (and then further explain the cheerleader-coxing conundrum) and why it’s hard for you to adjust something that you know works to something that makes you feel like … not a bad coxswain, but an inefficient one. Just like how you and your crew have to “buy in” to your coach’s philosophy and the rowers have to “buy in” to your style of coxing, you also have to buy into your style. The rowers might buy in to your (fake) cheerleader style but if you can’t get on board with it, how good is your coxing really going to be? You’re not going to be passionate about it, which means that on some level there’s going to be a lack of intensity and aggression.

From there, have a conversation with the rowers and tell them the same thing. Try to avoid the “my coxing style is inherently better than your previous coxswain’s style” just because there’s the potential for a lot of issues to arise there. Tell them what you just said too about working with them on specific calls and being willing to compromise in that aspect but at the same time don’t be afraid to tell them that you can’t change your entire style because it’s something you’ve worked hard to develop and, if you were a recruit, most likely a very large part of why you’re part of the program you’re coxing for. Stick up for yourself and don’t feel like you have to cave to their requests/demands just because there are eight of them and only one of you.

I’d really encourage you to consider seeing if you can cox the guys for a practice or two just to see what it’s like. Talk to their coach about it and see if you could set something up. If you can’t get anything figured out before the end of the year, try coxing for a master’s program over the summer. The guys are older obviously, but they’re still guys. I actually heard a men’s masters crew last week telling this girl that was, I assume, filling in for their usual coxswain “We don’t care what your style is, just don’t do any of that cheerleader bullshit”. If coxing for the men isn’t an option at all, do the best you can to make it work with the women. If it means not coxing the top 8+ and instead coxing the 2nd 8+, embrace it. Explain to them right off the bat that this is your style, this is how you cox, you’re willing to work with them and throw in some calls they’d like to hear but on the whole, this is the kind of coxswain you are. Commit to making this boat fast by being the best coxswain you can be for your crew while still staying true to your style.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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What’s your opinion of rowing couples/coxswain-rower couples? Especially teammates?

My initial thought is that I don’t think they’re a good idea. Rower-rower ones are less detrimental to the team than coxswain-rower ones, in my opinion, but I think the general consensus it that they’re still inadvisable. If you’re a coxswain dating someone in your boat (especially if it’s your stroke), first of all DON’T, and second of all, that could potentially lead to some involuntary (or voluntary) favoritism, which will piss off the other rowers and cause a lot of tension within the crew.

If you break up you’re still going to have to see each other every day, which depending on your level of maturity could either be a non-issue or the equivalent of North Korea and the rest of the world. I hate to be so negative about it but it’s really just not a good idea. In situations like this you do have to think about the implications of your relationship on your teammates too and not just what it means to you and your boyfriend/girlfriend.

This is obviously a much bigger deal when you’re in high school vs. when you’re in college so keep that in mind. People tend to be more mature in college so they’re able to maintain a more professional relationship when they’re at practice but problems can/do still arise. Ultimately it’s on you though to make it work and not let your relationship/personal issues negatively impact your boat or the overall atmosphere of the boathouse.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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One of our rowers was out today, and since sprints are Sunday our coach came in the boat and rowed with us! It was pretty cool, but towards the end of warmup she yelled at us to pull harder during warmup (especially power 10s) because she was panting and working harder than we were. It was frustrating because it’s no fun when anyone says they’re working harder and blames the rest of the boat, let alone the coach. Should I say something, or just let it go since it’s unlikely to reoccur?

As annoying as it was in the moment, I’d just let it go. That’s a dick move though. I don’t think there’s an issue with the coxswain asking you to “pull harder” (as long as they rephrase it and don’t actually say “pull harder”) but for your coach to get in there and say that she’s working harder than you is pretty … inconsiderate, for a lot of different reasons.

The moment someone gets in the boat, whether they’re a coach, coxswain-filling-in-as-a-rower-, etc., they cease being what they were before and become a rower whose only job is to listen to the coxswain and row. Not only is it disrespectful to the actual coxswain but it’s also, as you said, frustrating for everyone else. I get where that frustration is coming from but unless she decides to hop in the boat with you again, I’d just move on and not say anything.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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We have a coxswain and all she does in our races is call pieces and count the strokes. It is ridiculous. Like she will call a piece of 30 and then about halfway through that she will call a piece of 20 then count out the strokes and it isn’t helpful at all and just frustrates the rowers. How can we approach asking her to change what she’s saying without sounding bitchy and like we know what she’s doing better than her?

You should never feel like you can’t ask your coxswain to do something differently. Sometimes the way we call things just doesn’t work and you have to have enough respect for your crew to understand that you need to do something different, not only for the benefit of the boat but also so your rowers continue to respond to you. If you’re unapproachable about stuff like this all that’s going to do is bring the boat down.

The issue where it comes off like the rowers know more than the coxswain is when you start telling them how to steer, how to call drills, how to take the boat out, etc. Anything regarding calls relies on communication between both parties because the coxswain needs to make good calls that the rowers will respond to and if the rowers find that those calls aren’t working for them, they need to let the coxswain know so they can figure out a way to call it differently. As long as you’re not straight up attacking her and saying that her coxing sucks or something, there really shouldn’t be an issue.

Before your next practice I’d have your stroke and maybe one other person talk to her (privately to avoid the “ganging up” feeling) and ask if she’d mind calling a few things different during practice and your races. Tell her that the power pieces are helpful but you think the boat would respond better if they were spread out more and used strategically rather than sporadically.

Related: When do you call power 10s, both on the erg and the water? Would it be like when you see a girl’s split dropping and staying down on a 2k or during a race if you’re close and want to pass another boat? Or could it be any time just for a burst of energy? I don’t really know the strategy, I just know at some point I’ll have to sound like I know what I’m doing and call a few.

For now, just ask her to work on that. You don’t want to overwhelm her with a ton of requests and you also don’t want to piss her off. After practice, assuming she listened to your request and tried to do things differently, tell her thank you for making the effort and then give her any feedback you have. If she didn’t listen to your request and doesn’t want to do things differently, talk to your coach and explain the situation. Tell him/her that you asked her to try something different and that, for whatever reason, she didn’t do it. From there, hopefully your coach can have a talk with her and explain why communication back and forth is critical to having a cohesive boat.

If things went alright though, like I said, tell her thanks and then maybe in a few days or so talk to her about what you guys want to hear as far as additional calls for motivation, technique, etc. Maybe have each person in your boat write down one motivational and technical call each and then give her that list. I only say wait a few days because you don’t want to throw all of this on her too quickly because it is overwhelming having your rowers say they want to hear a million different things and trying to remember everything and figure out the best places to work those calls in is a little daunting at first. Give her a day to get used to calling the bursts differently and then talk to her again.

Coxing High School Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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I’m the coxswain who doesn’t push her rowers. I think the reason I can’t say what I would like to say is my rowers don’t exactly like me because I am a goody two-shoes. Whenever I tell them in practice (races are different) that they should push themselves for these ten strokes or don’t get lazy on me, power through it, they tell me that I have no idea what they’re going through and I can’t say anything because I’m not doing anything.

I have zero – ZERO – patience or respect for rowers with attitudes like this. None whatsoever. It’s arrogant, obnoxious, rude, and unsportsmanlike. I truly think it’s hilarious when rowers are all “you have no idea what we’re going through” and treat the coxswains like crap because our jobs are “so easy”. What I really want to say to them is “um, you have no idea what I‘m going through right now having to deal with you and your attitude”. It’s like they can’t see things from the perspective of the coxswain and worse, they won’t attempt to. I have issues with that and sorry not sorry, it pisses me off.

Related: My friends don’t really understand coxing and think I just sit there and do nothing, or it’s a ‘wimps job’ (this girl’s not my friend) and I was just wondering if you have an eloquent way to describe the importance/difficulty of coxing and how it’s not actually an easy job?

I don’t care if your rowers don’t like you, whether it’s because they think you’re a goody two-shoes or because you like the color blue instead of neon orange. It doesn’t matter. No one said rowers and coxswains have to be BFFs. What has been said though and what should be common sense is that you respect each other, and that’s clearly not happening. From my experience when I’ve seen coxswains get called “goody two shoes” it’s because they’re trying to do what the coach has asked them to do or they’re trying to actually get the rowers to do something and the rowers don’t want to do it. If you don’t want to do it fine, but get out of the boat. Don’t be an ass to the person who’s job it is to run practice and make sure things get accomplished efficiently and correctly.

If they say to you that you can’t say anything because you’re “not doing anything” then don’t say anything. Let them figure it out on their own. When your coach asks why you’re being silent you can tell them that your boat doesn’t think you have the authority to tell them what to do because you’re not making any contribution to the boat yourself. (If you really want to be passive-aggressive, which may or may not help, say this to your coach on the water over your microphone so the rowers hear you say it.) At this point your coach will hopefully have a talk with the rowers and tell them to get their shit together and take their egos down a few notches. You should talk to your coach though before it gets to this point. The first time someone said something to you is when you should have gone to your coach. Explain the situation, tell him/her what they’ve said, and then say that if that’s how they’re going to act you either want to be put in a different boat or you want a boat meeting held with you, the rowers, and the coach(es) present. The kind of dynamic you’ve got going on right now does. not. work. and it needs to change.

I don’t necessarily condone stooping to their level but I also tend to think rowers should treat their coxswain the way they want their coxswain to treat them. If the rowers are going to treat the coxswain poorly and not respect them or what they bring to the table, why should the coxswain make any effort to do anything for the rowers? And vice versa too – if the coxswain is power-tripping and treating the rowers like a bunch of slaves, why would/should the rowers respond to that? There has to be a mutual understanding between all nine of you that everyone contributes something and just because one person’s contribution isn’t physical doesn’t mean that they’re any less valuable to the crew. Their job, LITERALLY their responsibility as a coxswain, is to tell you what to do. Either suck it up and accept that is part of our job description or get out of the boat and go scull.

You need to stand up for yourself. Don’t be intimidated by them and don’t say “oh they’re older than me, I can’t say anything to them, etc.”. YOU ARE THE LEADER OF THE BOAT. Act like it. If they see you as someone they can walk all over, believe me, they’ll do it. Go out there with a determined, confident attitude and don’t take their shit. Discuss this with your coaches, get their input on the situation (since they know you and your crew better), and let them deal with it. It falls under their list of responsibilities to deal with these kinds of situations so once you’ve alerted them to the fact that there’s an issue, hopefully they’ll do their part and have a serious talk with the rowers. Like I’ve said before though, they can’t help you or do anything about the situation if they don’t know there’s a problem.