So this might come out bitchy and trust me that is my very last intention, but I don’t like my cox. First, I should probably tell you that she and I are the “babies” of the varsity team, we’re the only sophomores, everyone else is a Jr. or Sr. We only have one other cox who is a senior but my cox is more skilled and is almost always placed in the top boat, as am I which is great ya know, power to the underclassmen, but I just really don’t respond well to her tone of voice/style etc. I’ve tried making suggestions b/c the last thing I would want to do is disrespect a teammate or insult her abilities but she really only implements the suggestions made by the older girls which peeves me to no end. I get the idea that she sometimes thinks she’s better than me which is also really frustrating especially b/c she messes up the workouts/stroke ratings/stoke count multiple times a practice. Not saying I’m perfect and or don’t mess up I just feel like I’m that kid in class who always has their hand raised but the teacher just never freaking calls on me. How do you think (from both a coach & teammates perspective) I should handle this?
My first thought was she’s taking the older girls’ suggestions because they’re more experienced, so she thinks they know more, whereas you and she are the same age so you probably wouldn’t know what you’re talking about in comparison (if that makes sense). My other thought is maybe she’s friends with the older girls and that’s why she listens to them. What’s your relationship like with her? If you’re not friends or you butt heads, she might ignore your suggestions out of spite.
Have you tried talking to her one-on-one regarding your suggestions? Part of what makes a coxswain “good” is the ability to take constructive criticism or suggestions from the boat (including from the rowers you don’t necessarily like) and implement it, even if means adjusting how we do things. Unless you flat out tell her she’s doing a terrible job, I don’t think that would be insulting or disrespectful to approach her and say what you’re thinking. Another approach would be talking to the senior coxswain and asking for her advice on what to do. As a coxswain, she might be able to talk to this girl and explain that you have to take into consideration the suggestions of everyone in the boat, regardless of your personal relationship or feelings about them.
What about your coach – have you tried talking to them about it? If it’s affecting your rowing and really bothering you, I’d have a conversation with them and ask for their advice on how to handle it. They might be able to give you something more substantial to work with since they know you and your coxswain (whereas I don’t). If you talked to her and she still didn’t respond to your suggestions, I would pull her aside and say the same thing that I’d say if I were talking to her coxswain-to-coxswain … regardless of how experienced or inexperienced a rower is or how you feel about them outside of the boat, if they say something’s not working for them, you have to look at yourself and see what you can do to improve. It does suck because we tend to be perfectionists who think what we’re doing is always right, but in the end we have to do what’s best for the boat. A coach doesn’t want a coxswain that ignores what her boat says because that gives the rowers minimal reason to listen to her, which leads to all sorts of drama and problems.
What is it specifically about her style or tone of voice that you don’t respond to? If you can think of the specifics, that will be a lot more helpful to your coach and coxswain that just saying “Oh, I don’t respond well to her”. This will at least give her something to work with whereas just saying you don’t respond to her style could be construed as “Oh, I just don’t like her and this is how I justify not listening to her” (which I doubt is what you do but that could be how she sees it).
If she’s always messing things up in practice, that’s also something your coach should know. That wastes time and the energy of the rowers, which is annoying all around. One thing coxswains often forget (I’m guilty of this sometimes too) is that rowers can count. Even though we’re counting for them, they still know their 1-2-3s. If they hear the coach say that you’re going to do 20 on, 10 off, etc. and you count 22 on, 9 off, etc., that’s going to piss them off. It makes them question if you’re paying attention, which can then lead to a whole other set of issues. If that’s part of the problem with your coxswain too, bring it up with your coach. They want the rowers focused on JUST the rowing, not on what the coxswain is (or isn’t) doing.
