IDK if you can help with this but I’m a novice coxswain and there is another rower/coxswain on varsity who keeps giving me a lot of crap for things that are out of my control. Like, if I tell my boat to be back at a certain time and they are a little late or if another coxswain makes a mistake and takes my boat’s oars – I get blamed. Like it is my fault that other people messed up. It really just shakes me up and stresses me out before we race. Any advice to get her to stop?
People like this are the kind of people you just have to learn to ignore. I know it can be intimidating as a novice to have a varsity teammate always on your ass like this but the best way to deal with it is to either ignore it or just say “OK thanks, I’ll take care of it” and then walk away. There’s no reason to let it stress you out. At one point or another I think we’ve all had teammates or people we’ve worked on group projects with that are like this. It’s like they’re bored or something and just looking for something to complain about to make it seem like they’re doing or contributing something. I just roll my eyes at them and ignore it because that’s really all the consideration I tend to give to whatever they’re saying.
Something you could do is make an appeal to your boat or the other coxswain who took your oars. Tell your boat that when you say to be back at a certain time, they really need to be back by that time so you can then do whatever you’re going to do – go out on the water, your erg tests, etc. You don’t have a lot of practice time so the time you do have can’t be wasted. When they say (and they will say this, trust me) “we were like, two minutes late, what’s the big deal…”, tell them that you know that and while it might not seem like a big deal to them, things still get said to you about how your boat was late and it gives the impression that they don’t listen to you when they frequently aren’t at the boathouse when you ask them to be there. You don’t have to be mad or angry when you tell them this – just have a conversation and let them know that as their coxswain, teammate, etc. you’d appreciate if they could make an effort going forward to please be at the boathouse when you ask them to be there.
As far as other coxswains taking your oars go, make sure it’s clear before you take the boats out who is supposed to take which oars and which oars go with which boats. If someone accidentally took the set that your boat was supposed to use, whatever, but don’t be afraid to say “hey, I think yesterday you might have grabbed our oars on accident – we’re taking the one with blue tape…” and then leave it at that.
If the varsity rower/coxswain who is giving you problems continues and doesn’t let up, talk to your coach or team captain. Explain the situation, tell them that you’ve talked to your boat about being on time and the other coxswains about making sure you’re all taking out the correct oars, and then get their input and go from there.
Don’t let it stress you out or piss you off. Is it annoying? Yea, absolutely but the less you fuel the fire by responding to what they say or getting upset about it, the less they’ll bother you.
