Hey! I’m a sophomore coxswain in high school and I’m in the 2V. We only have 2 varsity 8s because our team is a bit small. The 1V cox is a junior. (It’s a girls team). A lot of people have been saying that I am good enough to take her place, but I’m not sure if I am! She is a bit full of herself and thinks everyone likes her … but they don’t. She always gets confused but I am always alert and know what I’m doing. She is like my mentor and taught me a lot of the things I know. When I move into her spot (definitely by spring) how should I approach her since I will be the better coxswain? I’m just not sure if she will take it well, and I don’t want to make her angry or upset. This is difficult for me because I don’t want her to be sad that I took her place.
Here’s the thing. I don’t want to say that you shouldn’t care about the other coxswains because they’re your teammates and in most cases also your friends but when it comes to vying for boats … they’re the competition. I don’t give a damn about your feelings. I have a very “dog eat dog” philosophy when it comes to stuff like that. If having the 1V is important to you I expect you to have been working for it from day one just like I have been. If you haven’t been doing that and then end up losing your seat, well, sorry but you shouldn’t have assumed it was safe simply because of seniority or whatever. Keep personal feelings out of it.
If she’s been mentoring you, in theory I would think that she’d be at least a little proud that you’ve taken her advice and make improvements to the point where your coaches consider you skilled enough to handle the 1V. But, since not everything is rainbows and puppies I would suggest this:
Do not assume that you are the “better” coxswain, regardless of whether you are or aren’t. That just sounds stuck up and pretentious. If you act like that you can/will for sure turn her off and lose her as a mentor, which you probably don’t want.
Continue asking her for advice if/when you need it. Again, don’t assume that you have nothing left to learn just because you’re in one of the top boats. When you feel as though have nothing left to learn, that’s when you should quit.
Don’t assume you’re going to get the 1V. Even if it seems like a sure thing at this point, remember the saying that “the only sure things in life are death and taxes”.
Like I said before, if she’s upset, angry, or whatever about losing her seat, assuming your coach makes that decision, then that’s her issue to deal with, not yours. If she treats you like crap afterwards then that should be confirmation enough for your coach to know that they made the right decision by taking her out of the boat. You’ve just got to accept that that’s how she’s acting and move on.
I would also suggest not letting the rowers talk shit about her (or anyone else) to or around you. Regardless of whether you all get along with her, I don’t think it’s OK to do that to someone you’re on a team with. I’m a little torn on whether or not this is a self-serving ulterior motive or not but you can also make yourself look good in situations like that by shutting that kind of behavior down immediately and telling them to stop if you hear them saying something about her. Obviously you shouldn’t tell them to stop JUST to make yourself look good because that is shitty – I mean it in more of a “kill two birds with one stone” kind of way. In the long run if you’re known as the coxswain/person on the team who doesn’t tolerate stuff like that, you’ll be seen as more of a leader (obviously good for someone who’s a coxswain) and as someone who upholds a high standard of behavior for the people on the team. THAT is the kind of person I want coxing all of my boats, but I would depend on the coxswain in the top boat to be the one setting the example for everyone else. I’m definitely the kind of person that will take stuff like that into consideration when I’m thinking about lineups. Whether or not other coaches do that, that’s up to them, but one thing you should assume is that they are watching you to see how you react to and handle situations like that.
