Hi OK on my team novices don’t go to regionals unless you’re in the fresh 8. So anyways for the rest of the year those who aren’t going have to row in pairs which is awesome but we have assigned pairs and the girl I’m with is bow and she is so horribly bossy and mean and she yells at me and blames me for everything that goes wrong. I’ve talked to the coach but she said we just need to work it out and I even took a starboard rigged boat just so I could be bow but she still acts like she’s the coxswain. How should I deal with this? I really like rowing pairs but she makes it so awful.
After you talked with your coach did you then try to talk to your pair partner off the water about all this? I would say that if you did and nothing changed (after say, three to five days) you should go back to your coach and say that you tried to talk/”work things out” but nothing came of it and is there any way that you could switch partners because the current setup isn’t working. Maybe it’s just me but it really irritates me when coaches say “work it out” and expect that to birth some magical solution that suddenly fixes whatever problems there are. Like, yes, I understand that people need to find solutions to their own problems and act like mature (young) adults but at the same time, you’re the coach. Being a mediator in situations like this is part of your responsibility. If someone says something isn’t working, I feel like the natural course of action would be to figure out why it’s not working (by talking to the people involved), make some observations, and make a call one way or the other. Telling teenagers to “work it out” and not getting any more involved than that sounds like a great way to escalate the drama. Like I said, maybe that’s just me that thinks that but whenever I hear a coach saying “work it out” it just sounds like they’re saying “I’m above dealing with this”.
The next time you go out for practice, let her be the bowman. I know that’s probably not the ideal solution for you but in terms of safety, if she’s going to talk over you when you’re in bow anyways, she might as well just be back there herself. As much as I’d love to fight (and win, obvs) every battle, sometimes you’ve gotta pick and choose which ones are worth are engaging in. This one’s not worth it because ultimately your safety is more important that whatever issue you two have with each other.
Talk to her before you go out and say that the last few practices haven’t been very productive for you because it feels like she’s being overly aggressive with … well, everything and that’s taking your focus away from actually rowing. If there’s a certain way that works best for you in terms of how constructive criticism, etc. is given, tell her that. For example, “If I’m doing something wrong or could make an adjustment, the best way to say that to me is to XYZ, rather than just yelling at me.” Maybe the two of you just need to spend some time figuring out the best way to communicate. Until you’ve tried that and found that that’s not the issue (or that the issue extends beyond that), don’t assume that simply talking it out won’t make a difference.
If you try that and find that nothing changes, like I said before, go back to your coach and see if she can pair you with someone else. Rowing in pairs is a great way to work on your technique because it really highlights and magnifies a lot of little things that would otherwise get covered up in the eight. You definitely want to make sure you’re taking full advantage of the time you have in them. If you feel like that’s not happening, you should make that clear to your coach and let her know that this really isn’t about you not wanting to row with your current partner because you don’t get along but rather because you want to be paired with someone who’s going to actually help you get something out of practice (and for whom you can do the same).