Tag: coach problems

Question of the Day

By readyallrow July 9, 2015

I swear to god, with all the shit coxswains have to put up with, ya’ll deserve a whole month of appreciation, not just 1 week. I see the way my coach treats coxswains and basically says he hates coxies in front of them. It sucks because that attitude is too prevalent in the community.

Yea, I agree that that attitude is too prevalent. It’s frustrating but in theory it’s also an attitude/culture that can be changed … it really only takes the leaders on the team saying something and shutting down that behavior as soon as they see or hear about it happening (and obviously not partaking in it themselves). Granted, that can be hard to do when your coach is also involved in it but nobody ever said calling people on their shit was an easy thing to do.

That was something else that the coxswain from today’s post (linked below)said in her emails, that it became clear that the rowers saw the way the coach treated her (in addition to making the weight comments) and got the idea in their heads that it’s OK for them to treat her like that too. It’s not and it shouldn’t take the athletes to point out that everything starts from the top down. The team itself was a relatively new one and the majority of the rowers were total novices, which makes it even more frustrating that the coach would be the one spurring all this on because novices are like babies – they’re sponges. They soak up everything to get a sense for how shit works and if they see you doing something, they’re going to assume they can do it too.

Related: Do you really need that?

I’m all for calling coxswains out when they need to be called out (I think I’ve been pretty vocal about too) but it’s also basic common sense to know when you’re crossing that line and your “feedback/criticism” is crossing over into personal attacks, either blatant ones (telling them you hate them or blaming them for everything that’s going wrong) or subtle ones (making snide remarks about their weight).

Coxing Teammates & Coaches Training & Nutrition

“Do you really need that?”

By readyallrow July 9, 2015

Over the last few days I’ve been emailing with a coxswain who initially wanted some advice on what to do over the summer to make sure they’re in shape for the upcoming fall season. As most of you who have asked me the same or similar questions over the last few weeks know, my response was and has been to just make sure you’re within a healthy range (which gives you plenty of leeway) of your respective racing weight by being smart about your diet and doing something like running, cycling, etc. a couple times a week. Really simple stuff, nothing too crazy.

Now, as most of you know, I have zero patience when it comes to coaches and rowers who openly disrespect coxswains and make unnecessary (and often times, pretty hurtful) comments about their weight when their weight isn’t an issue. I totally get being pissed when your coxswain is far, far over the minimum but seriously, speaking in general here, you guys have got to stop doing this. Below are some excerpts of the emails this coxswain sent me after our initial ones where we talked about getting in shape for the fall (shared with their permission).

“…Our coach is generally just impatient with us while we’re on the water and they complain about it more than I do. And to top it off, whenever we went to a meal during races, our coach would scrutinize what I ate and tell me things like. “Hey you need to fit in the seat…” Or “Do you really need that” but then tell me that she would prefer I didn’t starve myself. She mentioned me losing weight before going into summer and said that “then we can actually go fast”.”

They told me that they’re a vegetarian so a lot of what they eat when they’re traveling is fruit or something else light.

“… I honestly have never had an eating disorder, like EVER. But after being treated like that I have been so vulnerable and not confident and it is so horrible because it made me not confident in other things too, so much that when I came home I asked my mum if I could talk to a therapist about it, like I’ve been struggling to bring myself back to the person I know I am, which yeah, is completely shitty.”

Making comments like that is not cool, it’s not funny, and it’s not appropriate. There’s a difference between playfully ragging on a friend (which you can really only get away with if you have a solid relationship with the person and even then, there are limits…) and being a jerk. I don’t want to get too into this because I’ve talked about all of it numerous times on here before but consider this another reminder/plea to just think before you say anything like what’s posted above to your coxswain(s). You don’t know how it’s going to affect them and if an eating disorder is something they’re already struggling with (which you most likely wouldn’t know about), hearing someone say “you need to find in the seat” or “do you really need that” can be pretty damaging. For more on that you can check out the posts in the link below.

I would also stop for a sec and consider this: I get a lot of emails from coxswains and when I find them serious enough to post on here I keep the details as vague as possible so as to not give away who they are or who they cox for. There are obvious reasons for doing that but I also do it because I want everyone who reads this to assume that it was your athlete and your coxswain that emailed me because, for all you know, it was. So … if you’re reading this and are thinking “wow…that sounds like something I said to my coxswain this year…”, this post is probably about you.

Image via // @schurwanzpics

Coxing High School Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow April 7, 2015

I was a coxswain for the fall season for high school novice crew because I was coming off surgery but I ended up falling in love with coxing. My rowers (one in particular) told me off a couple times for not doing anything and I talked to her about it and she stopped after I started doing the erg workouts with the team. I did the workouts with the rest of the team before we got on the water this spring but then my coach told me that I was too tall to be a coxswain any more. I am 5’3-5’4isn but I am still growing. I kind of want to go back to coxing but I don’t know how to tell my coach that and I don’t want to take the possibility of coxing a boat away from anybody else.

There are few things I understand less than the decision-making process of most coaches when it comes to choosing their coxswains. Nearly every female coxswain I’ve known (regardless of whether they’re coxing men or women) is between 5’3″ and 5’5″.. There’s the odd outlier that’s shorter or taller than that but the average is definitely around there. I don’t know why your coach thinks that’s too tall. If you really want to get into it, height doesn’t matter at all for coxing. Does it make it easier to cox when you’re short? Duh – have you seen the seats we sit in? Does it make more sense for someone who needs to hover around 110lbs/125lbs to be on the shorter side? Yes. In the grand scheme of things though, as long as you’re close to racing weight and are a good coxswain, your height should literally be the farthest thing from your coach’s mind. (Just look at male coxswains – our male coxswain is 5’6″, I know two other guys who are 5’8″, the V8+ coxswain at Northeastern is 5’10”, the national team coxswain is 5’9″…)

If you want to keep coxing then meet with your coach and make your case. Highlight the stuff you think you’ve done well and have improved at since you started and why you think you would be a good addition to a boat this season. Keep it simple. If your coach is open to giving you another shot, have at it. If he’s still stuck on the idea that you’re too tall then see if you can compromise and be a “spare” coxswain on days when someone can’t make it to practice, is sick, etc. A lightweight rower I know who started out as a coxswain for three years in high school did that last year when he was recovering from a shoulder injury and it helped his team a lot since they were short on actual coxswains.

Coxing Q&A Rowing Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow February 26, 2015

So I had a really bad coach this fall (who got fired so she’s gone now, thank god) but after a particularly windy practice, she proceeded to yell at me for telling ports to row with pressure/vice versa because something got caught in my rudder and my steering didn’t work. She said that if we were going fast enough, our boat would go naturally straight. I’m just curious as to if her comment was accurate. (BTW, on this day it was windy, there was a current, and the water was whitecapping). Thanks!

I’ve had one or two coaches say that to me too but in my experience it’s never really been true, mainly because there are too many tiny variances in pressure, technique, etc. that I can no longer account for due to the lack of steering. Plus, if your steering isn’t working why would you be rowing fast anyways? That’s stupid. The only control I have over what the boat does is through a credit card-sized piece of plastic connected to two strings … if that somehow fails then I no longer have control of the boat which means I want to be rowing with only the necessary people at a relatively moderate pressure. “If you were going fast enough” makes me think your coach assumes everything would be totally fine if you were rowing all eight at full pressure. Because that wouldn’t end up with you running into a bridge pier or anything…

In situations like that my opinion has always been that the coxswain has the final say on what they do because they’re the ones in charge of the safety of the crew and the equipment. (If you’re a novice/inexperienced coxswain this doesn’t apply to you.) What looks like it might be fine and safe to the coach in the launch might make the coxswain extremely uncomfortable because from their perspective it’s not safe. Obviously the last thing you want is your coxswain to be is unnecessarily tense and anxious so it makes a lot more sense to say “OK the steering’s not working, how do you want to get back to the dock?” Not only does this engage the problem-solving part of their brains and make them think about the best way to approach this but it also lets them to say what they’re most comfortable doing which allows them to stay in control of the situation.

Coaches tend to look at stuff like this as “(potentially) broken equipment = money, time, wasted practice, dammit” which causes them to get frustrated (sometimes deservedly so, other times not) and become a little too controlling. This in turn results in them being short with the coxswain which can be a confidence killer and make them look/feel like that have no control over what’s going on (two things that, obviously, do nothing to help them feel like competent leaders, regardless of how experienced they are). I’m not saying every single interaction (good or bad) needs to be OMG-so-empowering for the coxswain because sometimes we screw up and we deserve to have our asses handed to us but more often than not it’s better to stay civil and turn the situation into a learning experience and then express your annoyance with them on land rather than let them have it on the water in front of the people they’re supposed to be in charge of.

For future reference, if you find that you’re unable to steer the first thing you should do is stop and reach under the boat to see if your fin is still attached. Even if you didn’t hear or feel something hit the boat you still might have run over something that pulled it off. (And yes, I know, sticking your arm in the water is not an ideal solution. Personally I’m not doing it unless it’s May – August when I know the water’s warmer and I’m guaranteed to not be wearing long sleeves and/or layers. In most cases though your coach will take pity on you and not make you do it if the temperature/water is cold.)

If the fin is there then the next thing you should do is see if there are leaves or something stuck in the rudder. If it’s rained recently then this is the most-likely cause of your steering problems and is pretty easily taken care of. I’ve had leaves, seaweed, rope (???), and one time a small tree branch get wedged up in the rudder but as long as you’re able to clear it out you should be all good. If the fin isn’t there then you’re shit-out-of-luck and you’ll have to use the rowers to help guide you home. I prefer to row by sixes at somewhere between half and 3/4 pressure depending on the conditions but if you’re less experienced then rowing by fours might be a better option for you. Unless my coach says to cycle through the sixes on the way home (typically what we’ll do if it’s raining or it’s cold, that way no one is sitting out for too long) then I like to stick with stern six rowing and then I’ll add in bow or two if I need help steering or going around a corner. Rather than have people power up here I prefer to have one side power down and the other side maintain their pressure. In my experience this always works better but feel free to play around and find out what works best for you.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow January 4, 2015

So today we did some 30 second watt tests. I pulled a 305 on my first one and a 322 on my second one, and my assistant coach flipped out and is now obsessed with me becoming a rower. I guess I trust her judgement but I’m having a hard time with that idea. First of all, I hate the monotony of rowing. I’ve done it enough to hate it. The other coxes on my team are super type B and just don’t have good enough focus to make any calls. I’ve also almost exclusively coxed for two years a this is going to be a hard transition ( a junior in HS, 5’5″, 129 lbs). ALSO CAN 30 seconds really tell her anything? Really? Anyone can do anything for 30 seconds, and I’m not so sure that me being able to bang out 30 seconds will translate to a 2k very well. Thoughts? Thanks!

That does seem pretty good but like you said, anyone can do just about anything for 30 seconds. If you’re in good shape, play other sports, etc. then it’d make sense that you’d be able to pull decent numbers. I remember doing watts tests like that in high school and the novices that were swimmers, runners, volleyball players, etc. all did great just because they were super fit and had insane leg muscles. If I were you I’d probably just laugh it off and say “yeaaa … no” if she asks if you’ll consider rowing. If she presses it just be honest and tell her that you prefer coxing over rowing and feel like you’ll make a bigger/better contribution to the team by staying a coxswain.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow November 11, 2014

This can be super quick, but there’s a girl on my team who is starting to try to bully other girls off the team. I’m one of the captains, and there’s a girl who’s a sophomore who is very dedicated to the team and the sport but recently has had a lot of other obligations. She still makes it to practice when she can and works her butt off when she does. This second girl thinks that since the sophomore isn’t coming to practice as often as she is, that she “doesn’t deserve to be on the team and might as well never come back because I don’t want to see you at practice again.” This is obviously not OK. I’m worried to approach the girl because I’m sure she’ll twist my words and go back to the coach. I’m worried to approach the coach, because I think she’ll probably tell me that it’s my responsibility to make sure the sophomore is at practice. Am I making way too big of a deal over this? I haven’t been captain for very long, and I’m obviously new to this whole “team responsibility” thing.

Take one of the other captains with you and approach this girl together. This protects whichever one of you does the talking because the other one can corroborate what’s being said in case the rower does go back to the coach and try to twist things (just make sure you don’t gang up on her or anything like that). Make it clear to her that she needs to chill and recognize the fact that she’s negating whatever work she’s doing at practice by having such a shitty attitude. Unless she knows something that no one else does about why the other girl is missing practice (i.e. something that puts her or someone else in danger, reflects poorly on the team, etc.) then why she isn’t there is really none of her business and it’s not her place to be making the comments she’s made.

If your coach’s kneejerk reaction is to tell you to get on someone about their attendance instead of addressing the bullying issue then his/her priorities are way off base. Obviously you want attendance to be high all year round but it’s not like it’s any major secret that if you absolutely have to miss practice for other commitments then winter is the time to do it. Half the people I rowed with in high school swam or played basketball and typically missed that entire “season” or people would take some time off to study for the SAT/ACT if they registered for the Dec/Jan/Feb tests. It’s not the end of the world if someone has other obligations from November to March.

At the very least I would say something to give them a heads up that you’re planning on talking to that girl just in case she comes to them afterwards and says something. If you’re worried you might inadvertently throw the sophomore under the bus if you say the real reason for all this then just say that you’ve been approached about [whatshername] making some bullying-like comments towards some of the other rowers and you and [the other captain] are planning to talk with her about it but you wanted to let them know what was going on beforehand in case something gets back to them later. If they ask what the “bullying-like comments” are just say you don’t know the specifics but are planning to find out before you talk to her.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow November 9, 2014

How does one handle a coach that is too aggressive? My coach is too intense and I can’t read him at all. What can I do to have him ease up on the team? I’m not the only one feeling this.

I’ve had coaches/professors like that and most of the time it’s just their personality and they don’t realize how intense they come off or that they’re coming off too intense for the current audience. I mean, don’t get me wrong, sometimes they’re actually just jerks but usually saying something wakes them up to the fact that their approach is coming off, as you said, too aggressive. I’d talk to your assistant coach (or head coach if the coach you’re talking about is the assistant), explain the situation to them, and see if they can say something. In my experience coaches tend to take stuff like this more seriously when it comes from one of their peers vs. from someone who could be their son or daughter. If you know other people on the team feel the same way then I’d go as a group (three people max is sufficient) to talk with your assistant coach just so they can better understand the depth of the issue.

Coxing Ergs Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow October 28, 2014

Hello! I’m a huge fan of your blog and was wondering if you had any tips on this: my coach (who is also a coxswain) forces us to cox rowers during their erg pieces. She said that even if they say “don’t cox me” we should ignore them and keep coxing them. I’d ignore this except she watches us to make sure we do it. She told us (me and the other coxswains) that whether or not we cox the ergs will help determine what boat we’re put in. I really want to stay in the first eight (the boat I have currently) but I also feel bad when rowers tell me not to cox them and I have to. I’ve had multiple rower friends tell me they hate that they’re coxed for erg pieces. Thank you!!

I don’t normally say this so bluntly (or ever, really) but your coach is kind of awful. That’s unbelievable (to me, at least) that a coach who’s also a coxswain would say that. The number one rule of coxing rowers on the erg is respect those who don’t want you to cox them (and if that’s not the number one rule, it is now…) so to stand guard to make sure you do it under threat of potentially not being in the boat you deserve irritates me on a borderline irrational level.

I genuinely just don’t understand the thought process there. I guess if I tried really hard then maybe I could explain it as her wanting to see how you cox the rowers in high-pressure situations but that seems like it might be stretching it. Have you ever asked her one-on-one why she says to ignore the rowers and cox them anyways, even after they’ve said to you that they don’t like it, or asked her what she thinks is gained by doing it (either by you or the rowers)? If you haven’t I would do that, at the very least to see what her answer is. Maybe have one of the rowers go with you so she an hear their side as well.

If I was in your position, this is one of those situations where I’d choose my relationship with my friends/teammates over a spot in a boat. If I had the first eight you’re damn right I’d want to keep it but not at the expense of losing the respect of the people in that boat. I think in your case they probably understand the difficult position you all are in (or I would at least hope they do) but if I was one of the rowers I would want to see you stick up for us rather than make a decision based on personal gain … if that makes sense.

Basically I’m saying that as the coxswains and, presumably, some of the leaders on the team as well, the rowers want to know that you’re gonna stick up for them and have their backs and this is one of those situations where I think it’s important to stick up for the people saying “don’t cox me” even if that means you might get taken out of the boat you want to be in. It’s a trust thing if you want to give it a label. They want to know you’re not going to throw them under the bus just to get the boat you want. If that isn’t something that your coach can understand then … that’s pretty unfortunate.

Coxing Q&A

Question of the Day

By readyallrow October 22, 2014

Hi, this is my third year rowing and I am currently a freshman. I started rowing in 7th grade and loved it in middle school, but now as I enter the high school team (it is a club team) I am realizing that I am a lot smaller than other girls. I am currently 5’2 and about 105 in weight. I have mentioned to my coach that I want to cox and she shuts me down every time I ask. (My team is really low on coxswains too.) My question is what should I do? Should I finish fall as a rower then start coxing in the spring? Thanks!

I would finish out the fall season as a rower and then revisit things with your coach maybe mid-winter(ish), well in advance of when your team plans to get back on the water (but not immediately as soon as you start winter training because if you’ve already been consistently asking your coach this will just annoy her even further, which won’t help your case).

You’re the perfect size to be a coxswain so hopefully the only reason she’s saying no is because she doesn’t want to make the switch mid-season, which I can understand (although if that is the case I don’t know why she wouldn’t just say that). If your team is already low on coxswains you’d think that they’d jump at the chance to have someone make that transition but they might have a reason for wanting to keep you as a rower so if you haven’t yet, maybe ask your coach why she wants you to keep rowing instead of switching to coxing and see what she says.

After hearing what she says, if you still feel like you want to try coxing I would, like I said, wait awhile before bringing it up again and then talk with her one-on-one about why you want to switch to coxing and why you think it might be a better fit for you than rowing.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow September 27, 2014

I am in a very difficult position right now with my new team. There are a couple girls on the team who are very (and I mean incredibly) conceited, cocky, and sassy. They think that they are always right so whenever they make a mistake they try to blame it on me, or the coach does not see (or want to believe that it is anyone other than my own fault), I get in trouble. Every time I get yelled at I lose a chance to make a competitive boat and have to be in the launch. I understand that sometimes it is my own fault and that the coxswain does have to take responsibility for the boat but when these girls are not listening to me and when they do their own thing and I get in trouble and they don’t it gets really frustrating. I even tell them they need to listen and become stern with them when my job requires me to but nothing is working.

Also, I know typically in situations like this one you would go talk to your coach about it and have them help you. However, I do not know what to do when even your coach hates the coxswains. Yes, he puts a lot of responsibility on us because that is our job, but he doesn’t always keep us in the loop and then gets mad when we do not know what is going on, he never answers our questions then gets mad if we mess up, and he is just plain rude without giving us any constructive criticism.

I know this sounds awful, because trust me, it is, I just need advice! Hopefully you can help me out even a little! Thank you!

Wow, I’m really sorry you’re dealing with all that. I think this is one of those situations where employing the “safety in numbers” tactic is going to be your best option. I get the impression that all of you are experiencing the same basic problems (lack of communication, respect, etc.) in addition to your own individual issues (in your case, favoritism) so talking to him as a group would probably be the best way to clear the air, so to speak, with minimal repercussions (i.e. keeping people out of boats for speaking up, etc.). With regards to the favoritism stuff that you’re dealing with, I’d bring that up and say that you’re having serious issues with the girls in your boat(s) not respecting your position on the team, undermining your authority, and making you the scapegoat for their individual mistakes. Make it clear that you understand you have to take responsibility for the boat but also make it clear that you know that getting thrown under the bus for their problems is not one of those responsibilities. I have a major problem with rowers who think they can make the coxswain their bitch and expect them to just sit back and take it but I take even more issue with coaches who reinforce that behavior by doing the exact same thing.

I’m not saying you should lose control or cross any lines in terms of how you approach this but I think you also need to get a little bold here and tell your coach that when he punishes you for X, Y, and Z instead of investigating the issue further and/or acknowledging your repeated claims of the rowers doing A, B, and C, he is reinforcing the idea that they don’t have to respect you (as a person or a coxswain) and can keep doing whatever they’re doing because you’ll always be there to take the blame for them. That’s bullshit. You know it, I know it, and everybody reading this knows it. And, as I say below, it’s not going to stop or change until you stick up for yourself and say “this is not acceptable”. Have some self-respect and don’t be afraid to, as Tyler Oakley/Nicki Minaj says, not accept the pickle juice.

I’ll give you the same advice that I gave to someone else via email last week. The situations are a little different but similar enough that I think what I said to that person would apply to you as well. Here’s a copy/paste of part of that email:

“I think what someone needs to say to your team as a whole (and feel free to say that I said this too, as a completely unbiased outside perspective…) is that if things really, truly are as bad as you say they are (and I do believe they are) that for the good of the team this year and in the future, everyone needs to forget about what boats they may or may not be passive aggressively placed into and just go talk to your coach. Why do you think SO. MANY. PEOPLE. get away with the shitty things they do day in and day out? Because they know that the people who could or want to do something about it are only NOT saying something because they fear retaliation. The minute you stop being afraid of how someone will react and put the good of the team ahead of your own individual desires is when you can start to enact real change. Does it suck? Yes. Is it fair? No, but unless you want to deal with this for two more years that’s what you’ve gotta do.”

I hope there’s something in there that you can use to make this situation a little better. Keep me updated too, I’m interested to hear how this all plays out. Also, if you haven’t yet, check out the interview linked above where I asked Pete Cipollone how to handle situations where the rowers took their frustrations out on you, amongst other things. I think your situation is far past what we discussed here but I also think that there might be some words of advice in there that you can use going forward.