I know it’s silly but staying a lightweight is consuming me. Literally every moment of the day I’m thinking of ways to be smaller and I hate myself for even worrying about this so much, like 123 is a FINE weight but at the same time … I hate being like this. It’s really worrying and I’m not eating as much anymore and I just need advice.
There’s two qualities that indicate an athlete’s potential to be a lightweight rower: they have to meet the weight standards, obviously, but they also need to be mentally tough. It’s tougher than being a heavyweight rower in nearly every aspect for exactly the reasons you stated … it consumes you if you aren’t careful. Monitoring your weight, watching what you eat, preparing for weigh-ins – all of that is constantly on your mind.
It’s not silly. If it’s literally all you’re thinking about, that’s serious. I’m obviously not a nutritionist or anything like that, but I’ve studied it and sports psychology enough to know the signs of eating disorders. If you’re frequently preoccupied with thoughts about your weight or how to be smaller and you’ve started to lower your intake of food, that sounds like you are dangerously teetering on the edge of an eating disorder.
123 is a good weight, especially for a lightweight rower. Even if you had a reason to worry about your weight, you’ve got seven pounds to play with. What made you start worrying about your weight to begin with? Did a coach or teammate say something to you or was it just the “lightweight” title that pressured you? What was your diet like before you started worrying about your weight? What was your exercise routine like? Before you do anything, I think you need to ask yourself WHY this is bothering and consuming you much. What triggered it? If you can isolate that, then you can take the necessary steps to feeling better.
Think about your diet and what you can change to make it healthier so you feel less guilty when you eat. Most importantly though, you must eat. This is not an option or a suggestion. Athletes put an incredible amount of stress on their bodies through exercise and performance and you simply cannot perform without the proper fuel. You’re just inviting on injuries, colds, etc. if you don’t have an adequate diet that is providing the necessary nutrients that you need to survive, let alone thrive as a rower. Try and add some small snacks to your diet throughout the day – apple slices and peanut butter, smoothies, chicken salad, tuna and crackers, yogurt, etc. Have a solid breakfast when you wake up so that when lunchtime rolls around, you aren’t starving (leading you to overeat). Make SMALL changes to your diet by adding in more nutrient dense foods. Try and get your intake back up to an acceptable caloric range (it should never be less than 1200 calories).
You have to remember that you’re an athlete. The likelihood that you are 123 pounds of flub is slim to none. You are more than likely 123 pounds of mostly muscle, owed to the fact that you’re constantly working out and strength training. Muscle is denser and weighs more than fat. Keep that in mind. You DON’T need to lose any weight. Do you maybe have some fat that you could lose? Sure, who doesn’t? Don’t let that put you in a negative mindset though. For a lightweight rower, you are at a solid weight.
If you’re really having a hard time with being a lightweight, talk to your coach, your parents, your school counselor, your coxswain, or just a friend on the team and explain what you’re feeling. Explain that it’s taking a toll on you and it’s making you uncomfortable. If you’re limiting your food intake, you’re going to have a serious drop in energy, which means you’re not going to be able to go as hard as everyone else on the water. You’ve got to maintain your strength. If that’s not something you can do without the constant mental toll, maybe being a lightweight isn’t for you. If it’s not, that’s OK too. Talk to your coach about what your options are. To hang with the heavies at your weight you’ve got to have some really solid erg scores, which can be difficult for a lightweight simply because of the difference in power you’re able to generate, but it is still an option. Talk to your coach though and see what he/she says. Do not let them write you off. If they value you as a member of the team, they should already be picking up on the fact that something isn’t right and they should listen to your concerns.
Don’t ruin this opportunity by worrying about something as insignificant as your weight. In the grand scheme of things, when you look back on your time as a lightweight, do you want to remember worrying about a number on a scale? You can’t attain any kind of success if you’re letting something as meaningless as this distract you, especially when you’re already well below the weight standard.