Tag: men

Question of the Day

By readyallrow July 12, 2016

Hi. I’ve coxed girls for a year now and I’m changing to guys. I’m not sure how to cox guys as I’ve heard it’s quite different. Any tips? Also they want me to motivate them in the gym and I don’t know how to apply my coxing in the river to a gym session.

Per usual, the best advice here is to just ask them what they’d like you to say or what the best way to motivate them is. Normally when we’re doing circuits in the winter the coxswains aren’t doing a lot of motivating, either because we’re off in the lounge doing something or because the guys have the music turned up so loud that trying to yell over that would be a pointless effort. If I or one of them is keeping time then outside of calling when to switch stations, the only things we’re saying is one-on-one stuff as we walk around the room. Usually it’s something really basic like “that’s it Clay…” or “good job guys, keep it up…” or “yea Pat, get after it…”. There’s nothing (or very little) from their coxing on the water that they apply to stuff that isn’t erging and even if/when they’re coxing them on the ergs, there’s still a pretty large degree of difference between that and what they do in the boat.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow August 27, 2015

What are your thoughts on female coxswains for male boats? In your experience, does this result in drama or awkward social situations? How about the role of a coxswain in bringing a team together? Do you feel that the leadership position that a cox holds on the water translates to off the water and the social dynamic of the team?

Here’s the thing about drama and awkward situations. People who want to cause drama or make shit awkward are going to cause drama and make shit awkward. Plain and simple. I am all for women coxing men’s boats provided they’re not coxing them solely to flirt with them and/or because they want to hang out with a bunch of hot guys who spend the majority of their time with their shirts off. If that’s why you want to cox men just GTFO because you’re not going to be a good coxswain. Forget about being effective, you just don’t have the right attitude going into it and I guarantee nobody wants to deal with that. Same thing applies to women who think they have to be super bossy (and not the good kind of bossy but the annoying elementary school kind of bossy) to get the guys to listen to her. I think they think they’re coming off as super confident and in charge but they’re not – all they’re doing is undermining themselves. Most of the time people are just going to wonder why you show up to practice with a stick up your ass every day rather than thinking “wow, look how confident and in control of her crew she is!”.

That aside, as has been asked before in the posts linked above and below, if you’re dating or hooking up with somebody in your boat and things end poorly then that’s naturally going to be awkward because that’s how most breakups are. If you’re both adults and can handle the situation maturely where no one else (meaning the other people in the boat, the rest of the team, etc.) is being affected by your personal issues then great. Unfortunately that tends to be the exception, not the norm, hence why crewcest is pretty looked down upon.

As far as the coxswain’s leadership position translating off the water … it depends on the team. Most of the time it does and coaches will look to them and the captains to act as the glue that keeps things together (both on and off the water) but other times the coxswain will naturally take a backseat leadership position off the water in order to allow the team captains to manage things. You’re not considered any less of a leader it’s just that you’re not the front-and-center leader like you are when you’re on the water, if that makes sense. That’s kind of how I’ve always looked at it.

When it comes to on the water stuff or things like trailer loading where the coxswain is kind of instrumental in getting things done, that’s my time to shine. The rest of the time I’ll leave organizing team meetings, handling interpersonal issues (unless it’s within my own boat), etc. to the captains and I’ll step up and help as needed. I don’t think there’s really a right or wrong way to approach this though, as long as what you’re doing works for everyone involved.

Coxing How To Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow November 4, 2014

How do you suggest becoming comfortable making calls? I was recently moved for the women’s V4+ to our men’s V8+ and I don’t really feel my place in the boat yet. I want to make meaningful calls, not unnecessary ones, and I don’t want to be silent. Today during pieces the guys asked for motivation but I felt like I sounded like a redundant cheerleader. My old girls obviously want different stuff than the guys and I’m having trouble being the mean, assertive cox the guys have asked me to be.

When you switch boats like that there’s definitely going to be an in-between period while you learn their personalities and get comfortable working with a different group of people. That period lasts a little longer when you go from coxing women to men because, like you said, both groups want/need different things and you’ll probably have to adjust your style a bit. At most though this should be like, a week and a half to two week long thing … not something that lasts for months on end. What’s going to help you get more comfortable is to make a serious and genuine effort to get to know the people you’re coxing and talking to them outside of practice to find out what they like to hear, what things their previous coxswain(s) did that they liked or responded well to, etc. and then finding ways to incorporate all of that into your own coxing.

You have to be assertive about it otherwise this probably isn’t going to be much fun for you … and coxing guys is a lot of fun if you approach it with the right attitude. If you think it’s going to be awkward, you’re intimidated by them, or you think they’re gonna think you’re weird or incompetent for asking then you’re only making things more difficult for yourself. Just approach them, speak up, and say “Hey, so obviously I’m the new person in the boat and I need your help getting up to speed. *whips out pen + paper* Tell me some things that you guys have been working on, what calls you like, etc. so I can start tailoring my calls to the boat” [and then write them down because if you don’t you will forget and that’ll put you right back at square one].

Also, check out the post linked above. It’s long but so worth reading and watching the video when you have time. It has nothing to do with making calls or anything like that but the whole premise of the talk might help with you becoming more confident in general which will translate into being more comfortable coxing your new boat.

College Coxing High School How To Novice Teammates & Coaches

How a collegiate coxswain earned her crew’s respect

By readyallrow May 15, 2013

After yesterday’s post on respect went up, I got an email yesterday from a coxswain that I wanted to share. I think most of can say “yup, been there…” and relate to what she’s saying. She brings up a lot of excellent points so I hope everyone is able to take something away from reading this and apply it to your own situation.

Related: RESPECT

“Here’s my story on how I gained respect on my team.

I rowed three sprint seasons at an all-girls’ high school prior to becoming a coxswain in college. When I joined the team, they were so short on coxswains that they bumped me right up to varsity – in the men’s boat. Now, I realize that my coxing style is definitely one that works best with men’s teams, but when I joined the team, I was a shy first-year student trying to adjust to life in college who only had experience with women’s rowing and sprint races, and who had clocked in only a few hours in the coxswain’s seat previously. I was terrified, and although I like to think I didn’t show my nervousness to an extreme degree in the boat, I certainly did not sound sure of myself, and that led to a bumpy season with regards to team dynamics.

Later on in the season, we had a really bad race. The crank that turned my rudder had corroded to a point at which it would not even turn the rudder to port slightly. Pair that with steering that still was at a novice level, and you get a race that left us all, including myself, even more unsure of my abilities as a coxswain (I won’t go into details – but it was hairy).

That was when I talked to my coach, who told me to meet with my stroke seat to come up with a game plan and a list of goals; my coach’s logic was that if you have one of the rowers on your side, the rest are more likely to follow suit, especially if it’s the stroke seat who naturally assumes a leadership role in the boat. There, he told me something that has stuck with me. This particular comment only applies to my situation, but the general sentiment, I think, applies to all crews. My stroke seat didn’t mince words, looked me straight in the eye, and said:

“We are a boat of eight big, cocky guys who all think we’re better than everyone. We’re bigger than you, stronger than you, older than you, and we don’t give a shit that you rowed longer than most of us have. So we’re not going to give you respect; you have to take it from us.”

Let me first say that the guys I coxed that season are not the brand of asshole that you would think after reading that comment. And obviously it wasn’t meant to be – nor was it taken as – an enumeration of my flaws. It was just a glimpse into the mind of a college men’s crew. But it was exactly what I needed.I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that within a week of having that conversation with my stroke seat, my coxing did a total one-eighty turn. I started as a timid little freshman and ended as a coxswain who would kick her crew’s ass and push them to their limits. And, more importantly, I finally understood something really important about coxing that I think all novice coxswains have to realize, one way or another: you have to know who you’re coxing. It’s obvious, and you say that on your blog all the time, but that was when I learned it, and it made all the difference in learning how to deserve and earn the respect I wanted.

In my case, I had to (for lack of a better term) sack the fuck up and be willing to get a little mean, because I was coxing men who respond best to (constructive, not over-the-top) aggressiveness and a no-bullshit coxing style. In cases like yours, it might be figuring out how to bridge the age-gap, if a coxswain is much younger than his or her crew. In all cases, it’s a matter of being flexible and letting WHO you’re coxing inform you HOW to cox them. For me, I gained respect by yanking it away from them and claiming it as my own, making it absolutely clear that I am not to be messed with. For someone else, it might be totally different. But the underlying principle is the same no matter what: respect has to be earned, not just given, not because “ree-rah I have the microphone so what I say goes” and not because of some divine right thereto.”

Image via // NBC Olympics

Coxing Q&A

Question of the Day

By readyallrow May 13, 2013

Hey! In terms of calls, what do men prefer to hear? Cheerleader? Technique? Basically, how to become a successful men’s coxswain?

No one – literally no one – who’s serious about rowing likes cheerleader coxswains. Especially guys. That I can promise you. The girls who are cheerleader coxswains for boys teams are usually the ones who are only coxing guys because they’re cute and OMG I get to boss boys around, I’m so cool. Know what I mean? Don’t be that girl.

Guys tend to like not a lot of “fluff” – aka get to the point and eliminate anything unnecessary. They want to hear only what they need to hear. That doesn’t mean they don’t also like or need the motivational stuff too but keep it concise. Guys also like to be pushed hard too and they want the calls to reflect that. When you make technique calls (which you should be making regardless), know exactly what needs to be fixed and how they need to do it.

Each crew is different, so a lot of becoming a “successful” coxswain is going to depend on your guys. Once you figure out their personalities, their style, what they like/don’t like, etc. you’ll be able to tweak your style to what they like. Being successful isn’t all about what you say though. You’ve got to mesh well with them and be just as committed to moving the boat as they are.

Coxing Masters Q&A

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 24, 2013

I want to try coxing men. Mainly because I know I won’t “feel bad” pushing them to max … and it might be a little selfish, but I want to see what it’s like to go even faster! I’m typical women’s cox size, 5’2 and 112 lbs … will I work? Oh and what’s master’s programs? Like is it for summer/graduates/ex-rowers, etc?

That’s why I like coaching guys – I don’t feel bad at all for how hard I push them. The guys I’ve coached previously all joked with me that I was like a slave driver because I never let them quit but none of them ever complained because they knew they were going to be better for it. It’s not selfish at all to want to be in a boat that goes fast. That’s why I like coxing guys. It’s impossible to explain the feeling you get when you’re coxing a great men’s boat that really knows how to work the water. I don’t think there is a typical men’s size or typical women’s size of coxswain – it’s not like we’re pre-packaged in small, medium, and large sizes (although now that I think about it, maybe we are…) – so yea, I’d say you’d be fine. Minimums for coxswains who are in men’s boats is 125lbs so you’ll have to carry weight with you but that’s like, the most minor issue ever.

Masters rowing is for anyone 24 and older. I think it’s 24. Basically if you’re out of college and not doing high performance or elite rowing, you can be a part of a masters crew. That’s what I cox right now and I like it. The women in my boat have all been rowing for a range of 5-20+ years. Coxswains of masters crews can be any age too, so you don’t necessarily have to cox rowers the same age as you. Your age doesn’t count either when they calculate the average age of the crew (I’m 24 but my boat’s average age is 50). The only downside is that it looks like there aren’t as many regattas to go to because not many have events that are specifically for masters crews. Oh, and races for masters crews are also shorter (1000m instead of 2000m).

Coxing Q&A

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 7, 2013

Yesterday a friend of mine told me “You’re definitely a men’s coxswain. That’s where I see you. That’s your coxing style.” I agree with her (good thing, because I AM a men’s coxswain!) but I’m not sure how to articulate what it is about my style that makes it more geared toward men. What do you think makes that distinction? What makes someone’s style better for men or women?

I’ve never really given much thought as to what made the distinction between men’s and women’s coxswains. Even though I coxed women all through high school and when I was in college, I always knew that I was better suited for guys just based on my personality. A lot of people have told me that too. I talked about this the other day with someone – I think the reason why I enjoy coaching and coxing guys is because the way I push people resonates better with them than it does with women. With women, as this person said, they have a natural tendency to take that and internalize it too much and ultimately end up getting offended, upset, or insecure about themselves or their rowing. I truthfully just don’t have the patience for that, not because I dislike the person or am insensitive to what they feel but because I don’t know how to react or deal with it because I’m the complete opposite. This is a huge reason why I like guys because, for the most part, they don’t do that.

Like I’ve said before, this isn’t saying that women can’t be pushed or that they are somehow weaker compared to men. That’s not it at all. My boat senior year was one of the most driven, laser focused, no-nonsense boats I’ve ever coxed and they were women. They learned quickly how I coxed and learned to accept the criticism, intensity, etc. and know that it was all coming from a good place.

How women are motivated though is different and that’s where coxswains have to make that distinction themselves. Everyone I’ve known that has coxed men have all been extremely confident (borderline cocky), ferociously outgoing, brazen people who don’t take shit from anyone. I think that’s an unspoken requirement for coxing guys, especially if you’re a girl. You’ve got to be able to take their shit at times and be able to throw it right back without blinking.

Everyone I’ve known who has coxed women has been equal in skill when compared with the guys’ coxswains but their personalities are calmer and their focus is more based around praise and reassurance. Guys can take the “your rowing is shit right now” call, make a change, and then think nothing of it two strokes later, whereas girls, in my experience, internalize it and start overthinking things, which can cause their rowing to get worse instead of better. When I cox women I’ve always found myself holding back just a little bit because I know saying “are you kidding me right now with these splits?” would cause a huge problem whereas with guys, I can say that and they instantly go at it harder and keep it there.

There’s definitely a psychological thing that goes along with it too. Sometimes people are just naturally better at coxing one sex or the other and it can’t be explained. Some people know why they’re better with one than the other and can easily pinpoint why. Other times, some coxswains just aren’t comfortable coxing certain people. Girls might have a hard time coxing fellow girls but find they’re great at coxing guys or they might be uncomfortable coxing guys and prefer to stick with the girls because it’s less intimidating. It changes from person to person.

Regardless of who you’re coxing you obviously can’t be a dick about how you’re communicating. There’s a fine line between calling the rowers out and saying “this feels like shit, we need to fix XYZ now” but doing so in a positive way that communicates a sense of urgency and focus and doing the same thing but in a negative way that just brings down the mood of the boat. Some people will get in a boat with guys and think they have to be super macho or tough or whatever and the latter is what ends up happening. Regardless of who you’re coxing, your style, etc. your singular focus has to be on unifying the crew with whatever you’re doing.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow February 23, 2013

I cox a very close-knit men’s team, and sometimes it makes me feel excluded. They all live together and hang out together. If I happen to be there when they’re making plans, they always invite me, but they’d never think of including me if I wasn’t there. Is this a normal team dynamic between coxswains and rowers or only when you’re coxing a different-sex boat or does my team just not like me very much?

I wouldn’t say that it’s a normal coxswain-rower dynamic but I wouldn’t read too much into it either. If they didn’t like you at all they wouldn’t bother extending an invitation when you are around.

The fact that you’re a girl and they’re guys could play into it a little – maybe they don’t think you’d enjoy playing video games or doing whatever else it is they do. My suggestion would be to come up with your own plans and invite them to hang out with you. Conference tournaments and March Madness will be here before you know it – invite them over to watch the games, eat tons of nachos, and just chill as a team. It’s entirely possible that they’re just completely clueless as to how much fun you are to hang out with so it’s up to you to show them!