Tag: parent problems

Coxing Q&A

Question of the Day

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Hi, I recently was asked by my coach to cox again this season like I did last season and I am really excited. My dad however thinks that coxswains don’t even do anything and they just sit there and yell at people. I keep trying to explain that it is a lot more than that but keep messing up. Do you have any ideas for how to explain what a coxswain does to my dad? Please help! Thanks!

This annoys me, like almost to the point where it’s irrational how annoyed I am. I get it if it’s your friends who say stuff like that but your parents?? You’d think they’d be a little more supportive than to just assume you spend 12+ hours a week (at least) “not doing anything”.

Anyways, read the post linked below and/or send it to your dad to read. (Personally I’d do both.) That person asked the exact same question so what I said to them applies here as well.

Related: My friends don’t really understand coxing and think I just sit there and do nothing, or it’s a ‘wimps job’ (this girl’s not my friend) and I was just wondering if you have an eloquent way to describe the importance/difficulty of coxing and how it’s not actually an easy job?

I’m kinda over defending what coxswains do to people who clearly don’t want to understand the role and it’s responsibilities. I was talking about this the other day with someone and we both agreed that there’s a time when it’s necessary to defend it and we’ll do that no matter what but we’re not going to get into some random argument with someone who already has their mind made up. If they genuinely ask me what the role of a coxswain is then obviously I’ll talk about it with them because it can be really fun talking about what you do with someone who isn’t familiar with it but if they ask in a high-and-mighty kind of way and is clearly already resolved to thinking that our job is unimportant then it’s not worth my time. It’s VERY easy to tell those two people apart though so it’s not like you should just assume that every person who asks about coxing is a jerk who just doesn’t get it.

Something that I think is important to remember is that you can’t let your self-worth as a coxswain be dictated or defined by what other people think of you. As long as you’re doing what you need to do, contributing to the team in a positive way, and your coaches/teammates understand your value then all other outside opinions don’t matter. Does it suck that these outside opinions are coming from  your dad? Yea, obviously, but hopefully after explaining some of the stuff in that post I linked he’ll have a better understanding and be more supportive.

High School Q&A

Question of the Day

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My parents are guilting me about the cost of my summer rowing program, despite it being far cheaper than any camp my brother has ever done (sorry personal rant point right there haha). I feel bad about doing it but mad at my parents for giving me crap about it as well. We’re going to Club Nats and Canadian Henley and I was SO excited for it but not so much anymore, even though this is really important to me. How do I get my parents to see that this is worth it?

I totally get what you’re saying. Being really excited about something and then having someone be negative towards it or you is so frustrating. I understand why the money thing can be an issue too but it’s definitely not something worth being guilt-tripped over, especially if you’ve shown a serious interest and commitment towards rowing and isn’t something you’re just going to give up in a year.

Why did they think the camps were worth it for your brother? Explain to them how those reasons apply to you too. If you’re looking at rowing or coxing in college, explain to them why participating in a summer program, as well as being competitive at Club Nationals and Canadian Henley, can help you stand out with college coaches. Above all else, it shows commitment and dedication, two things coaches at any level appreciate. If paying for it is a real issue, offer to help cover part of the costs. If you can’t pay for it upfront, offer to pay them back 1/4 of the cost (or whatever you both decide is reasonable) at the end of the summer after you’ve had time to make some money.

Related: Can you explain Canadian Henley to me? People keep telling me it’s a national team thing.

Why do you want to do it? Why is it important to you? Why is racing over the summer something you want to do? What are you goals/what do you hope to accomplish? How is this summer program, the coaches, etc. going to help you achieve them? Saying that you just really love rowing and traveling to the regattas will be fun isn’t going to cut it in this case. You can tell them that but you’ve also got to tell them about how improving your technique is a goal so that right off the bat in the fall you can be in the mix of people being considered for the “A” boat that’s going to Head of the Charles. Make sense?

Maybe your parents just aren’t sure of your reasons for wanting to do it, which is why they’re apprehensive about paying all this money. Hopefully it’s not their intentions to be buzzkills but it’s possible they’ll change their tune once you talk to them and make it clear what your intentions are.