Tag: qotd

Question of the Day

By readyallrow April 14, 2016

How to be more personal when coxing a race…?

There are tons of ways but here are my top three.

The best/easiest/most obvious way is to say your rowers names instead of their seat numbers. Calling a rower by their seat number is one of the laziest things a coxswain can do in my opinion (like, I truly can’t emphasize just how lazy I think it is) and it really grinds my gears when I hear them doing that. There’s just no excuse for it.

Related: Listen to Kaitlin’s recordings (here) as well as Connor’s (George Washington University – there are six, all found here) for examples of this. You always hear them address the rowers by name, not number.

Something I do a lot is call moves for pairs, which I talked a bit about in the post linked down below. I do it most often in the latter half of the race, usually between 1250m and 1750m since that chunk between your mid-race move and right before the sprint is when the boat can/will start to sag. Calling a pair out, especially when the race is close and saying “Quinn and Mik, you wanna be first across the line? Let’s get our bow ball in front over the next five...” or “sitting even, [ 5 + 6 ] go take your seats … on this one” are other examples of how I like to do it.

I read an interview awhile ago where Pete Cipollone said that one of his calls during the ’97 Worlds race (I think it was that one) was “on this one, the Americans have no fucking speed”. That was a direct quote from the coach of one of the countries they were racing against and it had gotten the boat really fired up so he turned it into a call that preempted one of their moves. That kind of “bulletin board material” – even though it’s not individually-personal, it’s still boat-personal – is a great thing to bring in the boat with you, provided you save it for the opportune moment for maximum effectiveness.

Coxing Q&A

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 31, 2016

Hi Kayleigh! Obviously rowers need to adjust their foot stretchers, spacers, shoe height, etc. but I never know when the right time to let them do that is. If the dock is pretty empty then I will let them do it before we shove off but when it’s busy and a lot of them need to adjust I just don’t know when to let them adjust. How have you usually done this in the past? Thanks!

Good question. The amount of time you have to spend doing this lessens as you get further into the season because the lineups aren’t going to change as much (and presumably the shell you’re rowing won’t either) but how I’ve always done it and how our coxswains tend to do it is to tell them to hold off on making any adjustments and then we’ll row 10-15 strokes away from the dock before stopping and letting them do their thing. When we launch in the mornings, the coxswains will always stop just upstream from the dock to either wait for the other boat (since our two eights usually practice together) or to wait for instructions from the coaches (since we tend to run the warmups) so they’ve always got a minute or so to make whatever changes they need.

Even if you’re going out on your own and your coach tells you to go right into the warmup and they’ll catch up to you, you can still stop for a second before getting started. Just be quick about it and don’t waste time, that’s the main thing. The coaches aren’t gonna care that somebody needed to move a spacer but if they look over and see you just idly sitting there with no one making any obvious adjustments, that’s when they’ll get annoyed. Same goes for if you stay on the dock to do this … if you’re taking five minutes to launch there better be someone noticeably struggling with whatever they’re adjusting otherwise I can guarantee we’ll be muttering “WTF are they doing…” to ourselves on the launch.

Despite having four teams rowing out of one boathouse, it never gets that crowded on our dock, even when three of the four (or all four) teams are practicing at the same time … and even then, that only happens once or twice a week. (Having two finger docks with four available sides to launch off of definitely helps too.) Ideally you want to get on and off quickly regardless but if there are three or more people trying to adjust their stretchers, slides, etc. then I/our coxswains will just stay on the dock and everyone else can just maneuver around us. Sometimes it’s just easier that way.

College Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 17, 2016

Hey Kayleigh! I love your blog so much and wanted your input on three different issues I’ve been navigating for the past year. I am a freshman and still adjusting to college rowing, so any advice you have is much appreciated.

1. I do a good job steering when we’re just doing steady state or drills, but when we do pieces (especially at higher rates) I totally fall apart. I’m not sure if I freak out because I’m thinking too hard about what to say and then forget to steer or if I’m just bad at steering off of other boats or if I psych myself out and try to not touch the rudder at all but end up pretty far away from the other boats – it seems like all of these things happen to me sometimes. What can I do to improve my steering on pieces?

2. Thoughts on coxswain-rower relationships?

3. Advice for balancing rowing, school, and social life?

Thank you!!!

Check out all of these posts – they all touch in some way or another on the things you asked.

Steering: Coxswain skills – Steering, pt. 1 and pt. 2 and this QOTD

Relationships: QOTD, QOTD (I assume you mean in the dating sense so that’s what those address), QOTD, RESPECT, and Follow up to the RESPECT post (those ones address “relationships” in the more professional sense)

Balancing everything: This is a long-ish post but it basically details how I failed miserably at this and what I realized (years later) I should have done instead. Also check out this post.

Something that most coxswains don’t realize you can do is tighten the slack on the steering cables. Even if they don’t seem that loose you can almost always get them a little tighter. Don’t attempt this yourself though (especially since it’s easier done in some boats than others) – ask your coach or boatman if they can do it for you. Keep in mind this might make it a little tougher to take turns but it’ll help you steer straighter when you’re racing or doing pieces and ultimately that’s the bigger priority.

I talked about this in one of the posts I linked but if you can, put yourself in the middle of the other crews you’re doing pieces with (assuming you’re out with two other crews – if not, go between the other crew and the shore). This forces you to be aware of your steering and limit how much you’re touching the rudder so that you don’t interfere with their courses or clash blades. Steering a straight course is more important than making calls so if you need to not talk or talk less in order to focus more on perfecting your line, tell your crew you’re doing that (before you go on the water, preferably) and focus on that for the first piece or two.

Also spend time off the water going over everything you’ve been doing and coming up with a bank of calls that way you don’t have to think about what to say, it’s already there in the back of your head. In high school and college I’d write stuff down in my notebook and then go back and highlight the stuff that I wanted to use as calls but since I started at MIT I’ve been (semi) organizing stuff I hear in recordings, things the other coaches say, etc. into a spreadsheet that’s broken down into calls for the catch, finish/release, bodies, racing, bladework, etc. It might be worth spending some time doing something similar, that way you can see everything in one place and you won’t have to rack your brain to come up with stuff or try to remember that thing your coach was saying to 5-seat about his catches.

As far as relationships go, just be mature about it and don’t start unnecessary drama if things don’t work out. This tends to be easier said than done when you’re in high school but by the time you’re in college most people (most … not all) have figured out how to not be dicks when they stop dating someone so it should be a little easier to manage provided neither of you acts like a 12 year old. On the flip side, keep it professional when you’re at practice and make sure you’re not avoiding calling them out on stuff in the boat if they need to make a technical change or won’t shut up because they’re talking to their pair partner or whatever.

Balancing crew, school, and a social life is one of those fun “here are three things, pick two” situations that everybody deals with at some point or another. The best piece of advice I can offer is that the sooner you start to feel overwhelmed by school or crew, speak up and talk to your professors, advisers, and coaches. Most of the time they’ll be willing to work with you but you can’t wait until the last minute to say something or avoid saying anything at all because you’re afraid you’ll look bad, weak, etc. Yea, some people are assholes and they’ll say “too bad, deal with it” (which truthfully, despite learning this the hard way, isn’t the worst thing … you do have to figure out how to handle things when life is throwing everything it has at you) but the sooner you acknowledge things are starting to go downhill the better prepared you’ll be to handle it. Make sure you’re familiar with the available resources on campus too – mental health services, tutoring (either through the athletic department or the relevant academic department), etc.

Social life-wise, if your school has frats/sororities and you’re into that, consider rushing. Greek life is HUGE here at MIT (I think all but one or two of our guys are in one) and it’s a good way to get involved with something and meet people outside of crew. Also look into low-key, non-academic clubs/groups that relate to other hobbies/interests you have since that’s a built in way to meet people and do something fun. If you like singing, join an acapella group or if you think you’re the next Amy Schumer, see if there are any comedy clubs on campus or in the city that you can join. You can also do something as simple as getting a few teammates together to watch and analyze the Bachlorette … religiously … every week … which some of our team may or may not have been doing the last few months.

The point is, don’t put all your eggs in one basket and make sure you schedule some down time that has nothing to do with school or rowing. Even during days or weeks when you’re completely swamped with work, you’ve still gotta give yourself an hour or so each day to unwind otherwise you’ll go crazy and burn out hard and fast.

Coxing Q&A

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 17, 2016

Hi Kayleigh! So the pressure today in my boat was pretty off – 2 seat got sick so another guy had to come in for him. The bow seat was noticeably stronger than 2 seat and I didn’t really notice until I started turning (we were doing side by side pieces – if it were just us it probably wouldn’t have been as big of a deal but since it was a straight shot it was). I obviously made an effort to adapt for it but I was really having trouble holding a point because of it and one coach was getting frustrated by that. After practice the other coach who was out with us came up to me and said that he noticed it and I need to let the coaches know when stuff like that happens. So, I get that I have to let them know but can I really say that without making it seem like a big deal? I feel like it makes it seem as if I don’t know what I’m doing (I’m new to the boys team so I’m also trying to earn my spot). Thanks!

It isn’t a big deal. There’s a big difference between coxswains who straight up steer like they just came to the boathouse after last call and coxswains who are having trouble holding a point because there’s a pressure disparity between port and starboard. From the launch I can usually tell which is which because if there’s a pressure issue then you’re always gonna pull towards the same side whereas if you’re just not good at steering you’re gonna be all over the place.

You’ve (meaning coxswains in general) gotta get over thinking that speaking up and saying that something is off reflects poorly on your abilities. This has nothing to do with you – it’s a lineup issue that could (potentially) be easily be addressed by pulling the boats together and making a quick switch. At the very least the coaches can make note of it so that when they look at the results of the pieces (especially if they’re trying to compare rowers and do unofficial seat races) they’ll know at least one reason why you were behind or not as far ahead as you should have been.

When I’m coxing I’m not about to have my skills scrutinized because one rower/side is getting out-pulled by the other. That’s not my fault since, in case no one else noticed, I’m the only one in the boat without an oar and it’s rarely something you can compensate for with your steering without it having a noticeable effect on the boat’s set and speed (since being on the rudder creates drag and slows you down). It’s a lot easier for you and less irritating for the rowers and coaches if you just say “the ports have consistently been out-pulling the starboards which is why whenever we’re rowing at pressure we pull towards starboard” than for you to stay quiet because you want to protect your ego.

If there’s a difference in pressure between sides or certain rowers then I’ll just tell them “starboards, you guys are getting pulled around by the ports, let’s make sure we’re all at 3/4 pressure here so the boat stays set and I don’t have to constantly be on the rudder”. If their egos are so fragile that they can’t handle being told they need to pull harder then that’s their issue to deal with, not mine. It’s always a lot more obvious when there’s a difference between individuals when it’s with bow pair so I’ll tell them that they’re gonna have a much bigger impact on my point than anyone else in the boat so they’ve gotta match up with each other. I usually start by telling the stronger guy (let’s assume he’s bow seat) to back off and then after having said that, if he’s still pulling 2-seat around then I’ll tell 2-seat they need to pick it up a little. I tend to notice stuff like this pretty quickly so I’ll try to sort it out during the warmup but if it carries over into the actual workout (specifically if we’re doing straight shot pieces) then I won’t wait more than a piece or two before saying something to the coach(es). If it’s noticeably bad then I’ll tell them as soon as we’re done with the first one (because they probably noticed it too) but if it’s just a mild annoyance for me as far as steering goes I’ll wait until the next piece is over to give the rowers a chance to work it out after I say something about it.

My point with all of this is that it isn’t a big deal and it’s your responsibility as the coxswain to speak up when stuff happens that can impact the effectiveness and/or results of a piece. If you don’t that’s at best frustrating for the coaches who are trying to make sense of the results and at worst not fair to the rowers for all the other obvious reasons.

Coxing Q&A

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 17, 2016

Hi – we were doing 6×5′ race pieces today at 22, 24, 26, 28, 30, open. Obviously the coaches were being sticklers on the rate but my cox box was not giving me the right stroke rate – it said I was at a 22 the entire time when I knew that we weren’t and the boat really likes to know what rate they’re at. When I felt the rate coming up I would call to bring it down but the coaches kept saying “you’re above rate, bring it down! It’s your responsibility!” I know that it’s my responsibility but how do you deal with these kinds of situations? We don’t have speed coaches to use either. Thanks!

I really, truly, genuinely hope that I’m not the only one who thinks that the most obvious (and only legitimate) solution here is to just tell your coaches that your cox box isn’t giving you the correct rates. It is your responsibility and part of that responsibility includes communicating with the coaches when an issue that could impact the workout arises. You literally have no excuse to not speak up in situations like this. It’s not that hard to say “hey, my cox box keeps showing that we’re at a 22 even though we should be at a 28…”, to which the coaches will respond (maybe slightly annoyed but whatever, they’ll survive) “ok, we’ll keep the rate from the launch and let you know where you’re at”. Every coach has a stroke watch (which is how they knew you were above rate) but they’re not gonna know that you need them to tell you what they’re getting if you don’t speak up.

The other thing you need to do is put the boat in slings after practice and have the coach or your boatman look at the sensor under the stroke seat since that’s probably where the problem lies.

High School Q&A Rowing

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 17, 2016

Hi, I’m currently an sophomore high school girls coxswain and this question doesn’t really have to do with coxing or rowing, but I hope you can help me out. Both the junior and senior classes of my crew are very small, two people each. However, the sophomore class is quite big, around 15. Now that the spring season is starting only about 5 novices have joined so our coach, who was a rower back when the varsity team had 90 girls total, is mad at us and constantly pressing us to go out and recruit. Our school has about 600 people per grade so it shouldn’t seem too hard but I am not very good at talking to new people so I have a hard time going up to people to recruit. I am wondering if you have any tips on how to recruit and things to say to the person to get them interested in the sport.

Check out the post linked below. It’s mainly geared towards recruiting coxswains to your team (and what not to do) but there’s some stuff in there that’s applicable to recruiting in general.

Related: How to recruit coxswains

Instead of talking to individual people (which will never not be awkward) try reaching out to groups instead, like National Honor Society (pretty sure 3/4 of my team was in NHS), Model UN, Key Club, Student Council, etc. If your school has a marching band (particularly a competitive one), that’d be another good group to talk to. I think during my freshman and sophomore year at least half of us (which was like, 50ish people) were on the crew team too since it was a good way to stay in shape between when we finished in November and started again in July.

That’s obviously not a comprehensive list but it’s a good starting point if you think about the type of people that rowing typically attracts – driven, competitive, dedicated, etc. See if you can make a quick 5 minute pitch at the start of their next meeting and say that the team is looking for people who’d be interested in joining, this is when/where practice is, follow us on social media to get an idea for what the team is like, and if you have any questions talk to [the team captain(s), the seniors, or whoever else you designate]. You don’t have to give a ton of details right off the bat so just give them the pertinent information and then you can answer the more specific questions later. Another thing is to see if you can occupy a small part of the chalkboard in some of the classrooms. We did this my senior year and asked our AP/Honors teachers if they’d mind us writing something and leaving it there for a week or so and they were all pretty cool with it. I don’t remember what we wrote but it was probably something really simple (“WANNA ROW? 3PM. LIBRARY. SNACKS.”) written in a delightfully artsy design that only a bunch of 17 year old girls given colored chalk and free reign over the chalkboard could design.

Another great way to get new people is to talk to fall/winter athletes who aren’t doing a spring sport. We had a lot of swimmers, basketball players, volleyball players, cross-country runners, and soccer players on our team, in addition to several football players – wide receivers, running backs, safeties, and kickers specifically. These were always some of the best people on the team (physically and mentally) because they already had that competitive mindset that can be really hard to teach new athletes. If you’re trying to get walk-ons in the fall you can also have your coach talk to the coaches of the other fall teams and see if they can get a list of the kids that were cut that might have the potential (aka athletic ability) to excel at another sport. Just because they didn’t make the soccer team doesn’t mean they wouldn’t make a good rower!

Coxing Ergs Q&A

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 17, 2016

What roles does a cox have at erg sprints?

Eh, pretty much the same role you do when your team is testing at your own boathouse – if people want to be coxed, cox them, and if times need to be taken down, do it, otherwise just hang in the background and watch. At CRASH-Bs there are “floor coxswains” who write down times and cox people if they’re asked to (although most people that want to be coxed bring their own so this doesn’t happen often) but the majority of the time is spent just standing there not doing much. (Of the three volunteer roles I’ve had at CRASH-Bs this one was by far the least exciting.)

Q&A Training & Nutrition

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 8, 2016

Hi! So I contacted you back in November and I just wanted to say thank you for replying, it helped quite a lot. Spring season started today (March 7th) but I’ve been out for 3 weeks with sinusitis, which I still have. I came back to practice last week but I’m only slowly improving day by day. I’ve tried the workouts but I cannot breathe at all if I’m sprinting or putting a lot of work into the piece. My coach is super okay with me feeling 100% better but it might take another full week. I’m coughing and cannot run either. I missed all of the 2k work but I know that I might not get out on the water until I do a 2k…but that might be a little while. I’m a junior as well so I know worrying about getting back into this won’t help but I just really wanna get better. Maybe I’m just asking you to let me know that I’m on the recovery and improving each day? Or maybe I’m asking you for help? I’m not really sure but it feels good to type this up. It seems as if I am allergic to winter.

Do you have allergies? I did pretty bad when I was in high school and they were always worse in the winter because the air was drier and I was spending more time inside with the allergens that affected me the most, which were dust and pet dander. My allergies in general haven’t been nearly as bad since I moved to Boston but they’re always noticeably worse in the winter regardless. Dust, dander, and the low humidity are relatively easy to manage though – humidifiers are great and as long as you wash your bedding regularly you can keep dander (pet and human) to a minimum. I make it a point to avoid noticeably dusty areas (more so at the boathouse than at home) and that helps a lot too. I think sinusitis (or what we initially thought was sinusitis) and my incessant coughing was what prompted my doctor to recommend seeing an allergy specialist to my parents when I was in middle school so you might consider seeing one if you haven’t/don’t already. They might be able to prescribe you a different/better medication (aka the good kind of steroids) that helps you manage whatever’s going on and gets you back to being able to workout.

You’re definitely in a more fortunate position than most people in that your coach is cool with you waiting until you’re 100% before you resume practicing – that alone should be a huge weight off your shoulders. I get wanting to get back as soon as possible but if you’ve already got the all-clear to take your time and get better, take advantage and do just that. I’d talk with your coach though to determine what’s required for you to be able to get on the water once you are healthy and then come up with some sort of modified training plan that you can follow if one of those requirements is a 2k. In the mean time, try to do something like pilates, yoga, core, etc., that way you’re still getting a workout in but you’re not taxing your body to the point where you experience trouble breathing. If you’re comfortable swimming you could try doing that as well and seeing if it’s easier to get a harder workout in in an environment where the air’s not as dry as outside, at the boathouse, etc.

Being sick sucks and sometimes there is little you can do about it but as long as you’re getting enough sleep, taking care of yourself, and staying in tune with how your body feels day to day, eventually you’ll get back to where you were. Don’t rush it though – patience is a #majorkey to getting back to 100% and not setting yourself up to get injured or sick(er) in the future.

How To Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow February 23, 2016

Hi Kayleigh! I am a junior in college and due to a combination of good and bad experiences with coaches as well as a love for the sport, I’m seriously considering coaching once I graduate and just had a few questions. Would you say you need a specific degree to coach, or is the saying “A degree is worth the paper it’s printed on” true? Do I have any chance of getting the opportunity be a grad assistant if I’m not studying exercise science, sports management or something else related? In general what advice would you give to someone who wants to coach? Thank you!

Ah, I love this question!

You definitely don’t need a specific degree. I studied exercise science because I went into college wanting to do research with/on athletes. (You know the show Sport Science on ESPN? I basically wanted to do all the stuff John Brenkus does.) I guess in some ways having that background has helped with coaching but I can’t think of a specific instance where I’ve actually used my degree in the four years I’ve been coaching. (Literally me.) Off the top of my head, the majors of the other coaches at the boathouse when they were in college were history, law (our head coach was a lawyer for 15ish years before he started coaching), theater, sociology, biology, political science, and English. Ultimately I think it’s less about whatever degree you have and more about how you apply the skills you learned while getting it … which I guess is true for most jobs.

Grad assistants and volunteer assistants are kinda the same and kinda different. Grad assistants sometimes get paid but they also obviously have the added hurdle of getting into grad school first. Volunteer assistants don’t get paid at all (NCAA rules, limit on number of coaches, etc.) and don’t have to be in grad school to coach there. I looked at a few schools that were hiring grad assistants but I’m just so burned out on school that I never pursued it. (Learning is great but school is blech so getting another degree, even if I can do it while coaching, is tabled for the foreseeable future.)

The best way to get into coaching is to just find a junior team that’s hiring coaches and reach out to them. They’re practically a dime a dozen so as long as you’ve got some rowing/coxing experience it shouldn’t be too hard to get involved. I definitely think starting out with juniors is the way to go because even if it’s with a top program, the environment is just more conducive to you being able to figure out your coaching style and trial-and-error stuff to find out what works. In some cases it’s something you can do while you’re still in school too. One of my friends started coaching his junior year and would coach the novices twice a week in the afternoons when they were in season and then four times a week during winter training. In the summers he helped out with the learn-to-row camps they offered and then after graduation he became their head coach for a year or two while working for a local company.

I was at a coaching conference a couple years ago, around the same time I decided coaching at the college level was what I wanted to do, and I asked Kevin Sauer (UVA’s coach) if he had any advice. He said that the best way to start coaching at this level is to go be a volunteer assistant because not only does it give you a lot of valuable experience but also because pretty much no team is ever going to turn down free help. I had a lot – like, a lot – of people tell me that was an awful idea (including other coaches I know who had been volunteer coaches … they compared it to indentured servitude) because you don’t get paid (the biggest deterrent, especially for people my age who are saddled with a ton of student loans and can’t really afford to work for free) and it’s not always a positive experience. One of the coaches I talked to told me that I’ll either figure out exactly what I want in a team or I’ll find out exactly what I don’t want and the latter kind of sums of my first experience with volunteer coaching.

I was initially really excited about it (and blatantly ignored any and all reservations that I had, which was stupid) and then spent the next few months thinking “I’ve made a huge mistake“. I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep coaching after that, at least at this level, but my high school coach encouraged me to keep looking and that’s how I found my current job at MIT. One of my friends rowed here so I knew a little about the team and I figured what the hell, I’m moving back to Boston anyways, might as well reach out. I think within like, ten minutes of talking to our assistant on the phone I was like … this is where I want to be. At the end of our conversation he said he still had two or three other people to interview but I flat out said (a lot more aggressively than I’d intended) that I wanted the job and that was pretty much it. It was very much a “when you know, you know” situation for me and I haven’t regretted it once since. (I could seriously go on for days about why this has been such a positive experience for me but I’ll spare you.)

Something I see repeated a lot (and that I agree with) is to not assume that just because you’ve been rowing or coxing for awhile that you can just jump right into coaching (especially at the collegiate level) and be good at it. You do have to humble yourself a bit and put aside your own success and recognize that that has little to no bearing on how good of a coach you’ll be. There’s definitely some work that goes into figuring out how to communicate the things that seem like common sense to you to a group of rowers (especially novices) who might not conceptually understand what you’re saying. I think that’s probably what I spent most of my first year coaching working out how to do.

Definitely work your contacts though and keep your eyes and ears open for coaching or other volunteer opportunities in the summer as a way to get your foot in the door. One of the camps I coach at (Northeast Rowing Center) has college kids work as the counselors so that’d be something worth looking into if there are any camps being hosted near you. (If you want more info on NRC feel free to email me.) It’s super low-key and chill since your main responsibility is to make sure the kids get from Point A to Point B and don’t do anything stupid outside of practice and you get the benefit of being able to spend time with other coaches who could prove to be helpful connections in the future.

There’s probably a lot more I could say on this that I’m just not thinking of right now so if you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow February 23, 2016

Hi! I’ve asked you plenty of questions before, and your blog is so helpful for me to be a better rower and coxswain. Recently, my team voted for women’s varsity captain. The girl who won is in her third season on the team, and her second season coxing. I love her as a person but I am not a fan of her coxing – I’ve raced with her before. (Just for some background.)

I personally don’t agree with many of the decisions she makes. For example: on our team, if the rowers aren’t cooperating, the coxswains have the authority to assign pushups. If ONE rower in her boat is unable to roll their oar up, then she gives her entire boat pushups, and one day, she was coxing my boat (a mixed NOVICE eight) who has just recently been learning how to roll-up, and she gave them pushups for not being able to do something that they haven’t learned.

Also, there have been several instances where a boat has needed to be put away and one more person was needed to carry it. I offer to help and then she tells me that the rowers need to be the ones carrying the boats. I don’t agree with this because the rowers bring their boat down and up, they bring oars down and up, and they help other boats. If each boat was carrying their own boat on their own, I’d agree with her. But if you just need someone else to put it in the racks, what is the problem if it is a coxswain (formerly a rower; perfectly able to lift a boat) versus a rower?

Thirdly, there are many cases where she has to ask me what we’re supposed to be doing, who’s going out first, etc., and that just seems very backwards to me. This along with the fact that the novices (who didn’t get to vote) wish that I were captain and believe that I am a better coxswain than her, handle myself better under pressure, etc.

I obviously cannot change the fact that she’s captain, and I am happy for her. My question is, how do I respect her even though I have more experience and frankly more leadership skills than she does? (I don’t know if this sounds totally jerky or not… I really do like her as a person, I just feel that she isn’t fit to be captain – at least, not yet.)

There’s a lot of flawed logic in “coxswains can assign pushups if the rowers aren’t cooperating” but power, responsibility, or whatever you want to call it like that in the wrong hands is basically just giving them a clear path towards becoming a full on Napoleonic personality. This is one of those situations where I think it’s in the best interest of everyone, including her, to have someone (you, another captain (if there is one), her stroke seat, etc.) take her aside and basically have a “you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself” conversation with her. Throwing your weight around like that, especially with novices, isn’t the best way to earn your team’s respect and if she wants to actually be a captain and not just wear the title like a crown she needs to chill.

I agree that if you need somebody to help carry a boat it doesn’t matter who it is as long as they’re actually capable of helping (aka your 5’0″, 114lb coxswain probably won’t be of much help but your 5’6″, 127lb coxswain might be). This is one battle though that probably isn’t worth fighting. In this case I’d probably go to one of the people carrying the oars and say “hey, let me grab those and you go help them take the boat up”. You still get to help out and she gets to have a “real” rower carrying the boat … practically a win-win.

When it comes to her asking you what you’re supposed to be doing, who’s going out, etc. I don’t think it’s a big deal to occasionally fill her in if you know the answer to her question (particularly if she was legitimately occupied with something else while the coach was telling the team what the plan was) but more often then not I think you have to default to saying “you should talk to [your coach]”, “[your coach] posted the workout/lineups on the cork board upstairs”, etc. At some point you might just have to say “it’s not my responsibility to know this stuff or communicate it to you”, which might come off as passive aggressive or whatever but it’s true. I don’t expect the people in my boat or the guys on our team to tell me or our coxswains what the plan for practice is because it’s just not their job to do.

Looking at this from her perspective though (and to give her the smallest benefit of the doubt), it’s possible she’s asking you because she sees that you have more experience (both as a coxswain and a leader) and she’s looking for some guidance without having to outright say so. I’ve done that (and sometimes still do) but whoever I’m asking usually catches on and is like “you know you can just ask for help if you need it, right?” and it’s like … OK, they’re willing to help and don’t think I’m a total idiot. When you’re put in positions like she’s in, not just as a coxswain but with the added responsibility of being a captain too, there is a lot of pressure to have your shit together and if you don’t it can be pretty overwhelming (which in turn some people compensate for by going a little over the top with how they handle things … aka the pushups incident). Basically what I’m saying is don’t misattribute her attitude as being one thing when it might actually be the result of something else.

Like I said earlier, I think it’d be beneficial to have a quick one-on-one to address how she interacts with the novices and how she handles assigning pushups (which I still think is stupid and ineffective but if it’s a team policy then I guess you’ve gotta find a way to work with it … which basically means only using it as an absolute last resort). From there I’d just put it out there that you know having all this responsibility on your shoulders can be overwhelming at first so if she wants/needs advice on anything you’re willing to listen but, as previously mentioned, she’s gotta figure this out on her own and not rely on you to give her the lineups, workouts, launching order, etc. In situations like this I really believe the best thing you can do is just offer your support and if she wants it she’ll ask for it and if not, you just have to accept that and move forward. It’s hard – like, grit your teeth and cringe hard – when you want to tell someone how to do something or a way to do it better so they can avoid shitty situations but you also have to recognize that they’ve gotta make their own mistakes if they want to learn anything. That’s probably been the hardest thing for me working with our coxswains is just knowing when to sit back and not help. To the untrained eye I think it probably comes off as being a jerk for not helping (because obviously if a coxswain screws up it doesn’t just effect them, it effects the whole boat/team too) but I’m not about to force my knowledge or way of doing something on someone, even when I know it’s unequivocally right, just because they haven’t figured it out on their own yet (within reason obviously). So instead I’ll put it out there that if they want help, want to discuss something, etc. all they have to do is ask and we’ll find time to talk … otherwise, they’re on their own for better or worse.

I don’t think it makes you sound like a jerk to say all that. I think the only thing you’ve gotta be conscious of is not overstepping or undermining her authority when you interact with the novices. You can try to temper situations if a problem arises but they still have to respect the fact that she’s the captain, even if/when she does thing they don’t agree with. Even if you disagree with it too, it’d be better for you to try to help them understand where she might be coming from or why the team does things a certain way vs. saying “I don’t know why she’s making you guys do that…” or bickering with her in front of the team about who’s allowed to help carry the boats. If you want to be seen as a leader or theoretically in the future if you wanted to be captain, you’re not going to achieve that by badmouthing her or getting sucked into the groupthink where all the novices praise you while at the same time hating on her.

So … best way to respect her when you don’t (yet)? Find ways to work with her so you can better understand where she’s coming from. At the very least you’ll pick up some strategies for dealing with this type of personality so that if you encounter someone similar in the future (which you most definitely will in college, at work, etc.) you’ll know the most effective ways to deal with them.