Tag: respect

Coxing Drills Novice

Question of the Day

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Hey, This past spring season was my first season and I am a novice coxswain. Now I am training with mostly varsity kids for the summer. I want to be be able to get them to respect me but I am really short and weak. I have already tried working out with them. Is there any other way to get their respect? Also, what are some drills that I can do on the water when I am waiting for my coach so my rowers aren’t just sitting around? Thanks for the help!

Don’t use being “short and weak” as an excuse. I’ve been trying to break that stereotype my entire life and it really irritates me when other people use that to justify why people don’t respect them. I’m 4’11” and 95lbs – I am short and I’m definitely weak compared to rowers but what I lack in strength I make up for in leadership skills, meticulous attention to detail, and just working my ass off to be the best coxswain I can be for my crews. If you want their respect, do those things instead of making excuses.

Related: How a collegiate coxswain earned her crew’s respect

Two of the drills that my coach has me do are catch placement drills (by 4s, 6s, or all 8 using just the outside hand or both hands – there’s lots of variations you can do) and pause progressions (by 4s, 6s, or all 8, 5 strokes pausing hands away, 5 at bodies over, 5 at 1/2 slide, 5 full strokes).

Related: I’m a HS coxie, and I’ve been a long time fan of your blog. I’ve been training during the summer and recently my boat has transformed from a coxed 4+ to a coxed 4x+. One of our members has summer school so we’re out on the water fairly early, ~30 minutes before most of the coach boats come out. What are some useful drills for some guys who are transitioning from sweeping to sculling? These guys have done both but it’s obviously a bit of a change. Right now, we’ve been doing fairly basic stuff, SS with a few pause drills, square blade, etc. Any ones that you think could really help shape up the crew? I’d appreciate any advice that you could give. Thanks a lot and keep at what you’re doing!

Catch placement drills, which I talked a bit about in the post linked above, are stationary and the pause progressions will let us row for a bit but not get too far away from him. I wouldn’t go more than 200m or so before spinning, rowing down the other side of the river, and then spinning and going back up, similar to what you do at regattas. Talk to your coach too and ask if there’s anything specific they’d like you to do that day if you’re on your own for a bit. They’ll almost always give you something to do and they’ll appreciate the initiative.

How (NOT) to piss off your rowers

Coxing How To Novice Teammates & Coaches

How (NOT) to piss off your rowers

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Previously: Steer an eight/four || Call a pick drill and reverse pick drill ||  Avoid getting sick || Make improvement as a novice || Protect your voice || Pass crews during a head race || Be useful during winter training || Train when you’re sick (as a rower) || Train when you’re sick (as a coxswain) || Sit in the boat || Lose vs. how to win || Cox (and coach) novices

About two weeks ago I wrote a lengthy post in response to a question I got that basically asked what rowers do that piss off their coxswains and how they can avoid doing such things in the future. After putting that post together I wanted to give rowers the same opportunity to tell coxswains what they do that pisses them off.

Related: I consider my crew to be very lucky. We possibly have one of the best coxswains around. She can steer like a BOSS and has the patience and the nature of a saint. However I think we pushed her to her limits at one point and I don’t think I have ever seen her that angry. I often read this blog and I always read tips on what makes a great coxswain, how to deal with your rowers, and things not to do however I would like to hear from a coxie’s point of view is what are the things that rowers do that really sets you off edge and how we can avoid those things. I know coxies are all different (…and I have had some interesting ones at times) but it would really help if you could give some pointers from a coxswain. As rowers our biceps are sometimes bigger than our brains so it would help if you could give us some insight. Thanks…oh, and great blog!

Over the last week I’ve gotten even more feedback than I did for the first post (read into that however you want) and even though a lot of it is really obvious stuff, I think it all bears repeating, especially for novices who might not know to not do these things. The fact that it is so obvious though means that it should be an easy fix.

Keep repeating things that aren’t working

Meaning you’ve been saying “stop rushing” for about 10 minutes and everyone is still rushing. You need to be able to recognize the problem, say how they should fix it (which means you’ve got to have a solid understanding of technique), and what specific changes they need to make to get back on track. Repeating the same thing over and over is lazy, not to mention whatever you’re saying loses its meaning and leads to you getting tuned out.

Aren’t mindful of their weight or of athletes in their boat who are trying to make weight

Obviously no one’s saying that you shouldn’t eat or that you should hide all traces of food when the lightweights are around. What they’re saying is that it’s a real asshole move to stuff your face with food in a “haha I get to eat and you don’t, suckers” kind of way.

In that same vein, another thing that came up, regardless of whether you’re coxing lightweights or heavyweights, is not being aware of your own weight (or straight up not caring). I’ve talked about the issue of coxswains and weight before and the fact of the matter is, we are expected to be as light as possible because we are literally dead weight in the boat. It’s part of the job and a responsibility your teammates will expect you to take seriously (especially if you’re coxing lightweights).

Yell at the rowers for talking in the boat while you carry on an unnecessary conversation with the stroke seat

I talk pretty frequently about how you need to talk to your stroke seat and communicate with them throughout practice – obviously you should keep doing that. What this rower was getting at is that everyone else in the boat gets really irritated when you tell them to stop talking but then you immediately turn around and start talking with your stroke about stuff completely unrelated to practice.

While you’re on the water, try to keep everything focused on whatever you’re doing that day and not on anything that isn’t related to rowing. Along this same line, when you are talking to your stroke (or stern pair, really), don’t talk into the mic, regardless of whether you’re talking about rowing related stuff or not. It’s distracting to everyone else and can sometimes generate a lot of opinions on something that don’t really require everyone’s input. If you’re talking about something that effects the entire crew, talk about it with your stroke first (with the the volume off), determine what needs to happen, and then give the rest of the boat the pertinent information.

Related: So I’m going to begin coxing this coming spring season, and I am constantly reading about experienced coxes getting annoyed with the newbies. Any recommendations for things I should do to avoid pissing everyone off?

No aggression during races or pieces

The rowers feed on your energy and if you’re not engaged in what’s going on, how do you expect them to be? Don’t worry about sounding silly or stupid or whatever. If that’s how you feel about getting louder during pieces you’re probably in the wrong sport.

Getting distracted

You are the eyes and ears for eight other people – you can’t be ogling whatever is happening on shore or pointing out things that have nothing to do with practice. Stay focused and present in your boat.

Messing up the count or sides

Starboard is right, port is left. It’s OK if you accidentally skip a number – as in one – when you’re really into a piece and doing a power ten but that’s about all the leeway you get. I occasionally do it and I know it immediately but the rowers don’t tend to notice it because they’re focused on whatever I’m telling them to do. If you go from 4 to 7 though, that’s an issue.

An even bigger issue with messing up the count that someone brought up is calling “x” number of strokes to the line multiple times. Don’t. Just don’t. Start practicing judging distances while you’re at practice so that when you’re racing you can gauge how far you are from the line and call the final 20 appropriately.

Related: Judging distance

Talking down to the crew

This is the fastest way to lose the respect of your boat. Respect is a two way street and if you’re not willing to give it, you sure as hell can’t expect to receive it. You’re not perfect and as much as we’d like to think we don’t, we make mistakes too.

Being a coxswain requires a lot of self-control too because it’s easy to get an ego when you’re 14 or 15 years old and you’re given the responsibility and power that comes with being a coxswain. We all have shitty practices but it’s never any one person’s fault. It’s not your right or place to act like the quality of practice or a race rests solely on the shoulders of the rowers.

Related: Words

Not giving or withholding info about the race

You have to relay to the crew what is happening during the race, specifically and most importantly where they are, how far in they are, and how many meters are left. They don’t want to feel like they’re rowing an endless race because eventually their minds are going to give out. You have to keep their brains in the game (or race, rather) and tell them what’s happening. Withholding info because you think it’ll bring them down doesn’t help either. If they’re down, tell them. They don’t want to know that they’re not in first, obviously, but at the same time, they do.

Blaming the rowers for your mistakes

“Big mistake. Big. HUGE.” If you make a mistake, who cares? Admit it, learn from it, don’t do it again. There’s never an excuse to blame something you did wrong on someone in your boat.

Have boat meetings to discuss what to call during a race and then not calling what the rowers asked for

There’s a simple way to avoid this: write. everything. down. Try to hold these meetings ahead of time (at least a day or two before the race) so you can start incorporating the calls when you do practice pieces, that way it becomes ingrained into your “muscle memory”. If you can’t do that, write it on a post-it note and tape it beside your cox box. If you ask your rowers to tell you what they want and then you ignore it, that’s going to cause a rift. Saying “oh I forgot” isn’t an excuse either because, like I said, you can easily write it all down and bring it into the boat with you.

Being indecisive

Commit to something. Don’t debate and go back and forth because each time you do it, the confidence your boat has in you goes down exponentially. They want to know that you have control over the situations you’re in and if you’re constantly questioning yourself or what you should be doing, that makes it hard for them to focus on what they should be doing. It’s better to commit to running into a bridge than to debate back and forth and then hit it because you couldn’t decide which side to pass the pier on.

Letting rowers walk all over you

Pretty self-explanatory, I think. You’re expected to act like and be a leader, which means being assertive and, like I said in the post about respect, not inviting contradiction.

Related: RESPECT

Checking the boat to get a point while people are rowing

Whoever sent this, bless you. Seriously though, who taught you this?! If you do this, stop. You have cables attached to a rudder for a reason. Use them to steer and get a point while you’re moving, not the rowers.

Related: Checking it down vs. backing it

“Be pompous assholes.”

The Napoleon-God complex thing is just a joke, guys. Don’t take it literally.

In addition to these things, I would encourage talking with your individual boats and asking them if there’s something you do that they’d prefer you didn’t. Don’t take what they say personally – remember, it’s coming from a helpful place. If your rowers aren’t comfortable saying stuff to your face, talk to your coach about doing regular coxswain evaluations so the rowers can anonymously provide you with some (presumably more honest) feedback.

Image via // @theboatsmancompany
How a collegiate coxswain earned her crew’s respect

College Coxing High School How To Novice Teammates & Coaches

How a collegiate coxswain earned her crew’s respect

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After yesterday’s post on respect went up, I got an email yesterday from a coxswain that I wanted to share. I think most of can say “yup, been there…” and relate to what she’s saying. She brings up a lot of excellent points so I hope everyone is able to take something away from reading this and apply it to your own situation.

Related: RESPECT

“Here’s my story on how I gained respect on my team.

I rowed three sprint seasons at an all-girls’ high school prior to becoming a coxswain in college.  When I joined the team, they were so short on coxswains that they bumped me right up to varsity – in the men’s boat.  Now, I realize that my coxing style is definitely one that works best with men’s teams, but when I joined the team, I was a shy first-year student trying to adjust to life in college who only had experience with women’s rowing and sprint races, and who had clocked in only a few hours in the coxswain’s seat previously.  I was terrified, and although I like to think I didn’t show my nervousness to an extreme degree in the boat, I certainly did not sound sure of myself, and that led to a bumpy season with regards to team dynamics.

Later on in the season, we had a really bad race.  The crank that turned my rudder had corroded to a point at which it would not even turn the rudder to port slightly.  Pair that with steering that still was at a novice level, and you get a race that left us all, including myself, even more unsure of my abilities as a coxswain (I won’t go into details – but it was hairy).

That was when I talked to my coach, who told me to meet with my stroke seat to come up with a game plan and a list of goals; my coach’s logic was that if you have one of the rowers on your side, the rest are more likely to follow suit, especially if it’s the stroke seat who naturally assumes a leadership role in the boat.  There, he told me something that has stuck with me.  This particular comment only applies to my situation, but the general sentiment, I think, applies to all crews.  My stroke seat didn’t mince words, looked me straight in the eye, and said:

“We are a boat of eight big, cocky guys who all think we’re better than everyone.  We’re bigger than you, stronger than you, older than you, and we don’t give a shit that you rowed longer than most of us have.  So we’re not going to give you respect; you have to take it from us.”

Let me first say that the guys I coxed that season are not the brand of asshole that you would think after reading that comment. And obviously it wasn’t meant to be – nor was it taken as – an enumeration of my flaws. It was just a glimpse into the mind of a college men’s crew.  But it was exactly what I needed.I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that within a week of having that conversation with my stroke seat, my coxing did a total one-eighty turn.  I started as a timid little freshman and ended as a coxswain who would kick her crew’s ass and push them to their limits. And, more importantly, I finally understood something really important about coxing that I think all novice coxswains have to realize, one way or another: you have to know who you’re coxing.  It’s obvious, and you say that on your blog all the time, but that was when I learned it, and it made all the difference in learning how to deserve and earn the respect I wanted.

In my case, I had to (for lack of a better term) sack the fuck up and be willing to get a little mean, because I was coxing men who respond best to (constructive, not over-the-top) aggressiveness and a no-bullshit coxing style.  In cases like yours, it might be figuring out how to bridge the age-gap, if a coxswain is much younger than his or her crew.  In all cases, it’s a matter of being flexible and letting WHO you’re coxing inform you HOW to cox them.  For me, I gained respect by yanking it away from them and claiming it as my own, making it absolutely clear that I am not to be messed with.  For someone else, it might be totally different.  But the underlying principle is the same no matter what: respect has to be earned, not just given, not because “ree-rah I have the microphone so what I say goes” and not because of some divine right thereto.”

Image via // NBC Olympics
RESPECT

College Coxing High School How To Novice Teammates & Coaches

RESPECT

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I get emails and questions from coxswains all. the. time. that read like lyrics from an Aretha Franklin song.

“All I’m askin’ … is for a little respect.”

They want to know how to get their boat, their coaches, the team, etc. to respect them because they are coxswain, hear them roar. I applaud the tenacity and enthusiasm but there are some things you’ve gotta understand first, starting with the fact that wanting, earning, getting, and deserving respect are four completely different things. You might want respect and feel like you deserve it but you have to earn it before you get it.

I’m not going to say this is a foolproof guide to gaining respect but it’s a start.

Respect is a two-way street

You have to give respect to get it in return. You’re in charge of the rowers but you’re not and they have to obey your commands but at the same time they don’t. It’s a respect and safety thing. It starts out as pure safety and then as you spend more time on the water together it blends to a mix of the two. This is really where it all begins. You get thrown in the boat as a novice after hearing from your coach that the rowers have to listen to you because you’re the coxswain, it’s your job to be in charge, etc. and we instantly develop this Napoleon complex and think we’re the shit because we get to boss people who are bigger than us around. Nope nope nope. If you get in the boat thinking that the rowers are your minions out to do your bidding, you’re setting yourself up for apocalyptic failure.

Related: Words

In the beginning they have to listen to you because they don’t know what they’re doing and by being in your position it’s assumed you do (even when you don’t either). Someone has to tell them what to do and they have to listen because…they just do. As you start coming together as a boat — as a crew — they start listening to you not out of necessity but because they trust you and your judgement (on everything…). In order for this to happen, you have to gain their trust and in order to do that, you have to afford your crew the same level of respect that you desire in return.

Be in control of every situation by staying calm and composed

The strongest leaders are the ones who can silence a crowd without raising their voice. Yelling or being loud just to be loud doesn’t mean you’re taking charge — it means you’re straining your vocal cords for no reason.

Show up

Show up physically (never on time or late, always early), emotionally (what happens outside of crew stays outside of crew, don’t start or perpetuate unnecessary drama, etc.), mentally (be ready to do work and get shit done), and spiritually. If you’ve rowed long enough, or maybe if you’ve only rowed for one season, you know what I mean by “spiritually”. It’s that feeling you have when you show up at the boathouse and get on the water that can’t be explained to anyone who’s never experienced it. This quality must be infectious in you — when your crew isn’t feeling it one day, they should be able to look at you and feed off your energy.

Experience “the dark place”

Have you ever seen a rower doing a 2k or looked into your stroke’s eyes during an all out, balls to the wall piece, and been able to see hell in their eyes?That is the place I’m talking about. Soldiers won’t follow a general into battle if the general has never been in their shoes before. It’s not about pulling a certain split or getting a certain time; if your 2:04 split makes you feel the same way your rower feels when pulling a 1:39, so be it. The numbers don’t matter. It’s about the toll being put on your mind and body.

One of the biggest ways to gain the respect of your crew is to never ask them to give more than you could give yourself. Don’t say “I know you’re hurting” if you’ve never experienced what they’re going through. Wherever and whatever the dark place is for you, go there every once in awhile to remind yourself of just how strong your teammates are. Every time you finish I guarantee that you’ll be newly enlightened with an even greater sense of admiration for what they put their bodies through. (Don’t make the fatal mistake of confusing hero worship and respect though.) Remind yourself of that “wow, these guys” feeling every time you call for a power ten or the build into your sprint or “everything you got, put it on the line, right here“.

No matter what the situation is, its never “you” and “them”, it’s “us” and “we”

This can not be emphasized enough. You are not eight rowers and one coxswain. There is not an invisible divide between the stroke seat and the ninth seat. You are ONE crew. That subtle change in linguistics says a lot and it’s something I really pay attention to as a coach. You want your teammates to consider you as part of the crew?Act like one. When talking about your boat, it’s never “they’re doing this”, it’s “we’re doing this”. “They” didn’t row poorly, “we” rowed poorly. “You” don’t want this, “we” want this.

When you say “they”, it’s as though you’re excluding yourself from whatever follows. “They” had a bad race. “They” had a great day on the water. Don’t you think you played a part in that? If you only include yourself in the positive and not the negative, what do you think that says to your teammates? That you only want to be involved in their success but never their failure. On the flip side, if you never include yourself in the positive it gives off the impression that you’re not considering your own contributions, which opens the door for the rowers to not consider them either. I’ll say it again — you are not eight rowers and one coxswain. You are ONE crew.

Always learn from your experiences, positive and negative, on the water and off

Every opportunity is a chance to learn something new or reinforce something you’ve learned previously. You should be soaking it in every chance you get. You can’t do that if you consider yourself anything less than a sponge at any given moment during practice. That glazed over, “kill me now” look in your eyes during winter training? Yea, stop that. Your coach is talking to 3-seat on the water about keeping his inside shoulder relaxed and you’re staring at the group of people picnicking on shore? Yea, stop that too. You can read about technique all you want but reading is only going to take you so far. It’s a book sense vs. street sense kind of thing. You need to be in the boat, in the launch, watching video, etc. Your rowers notice when you’re taking advantages of these opportunities and your coaches absolutely notice when they hear you make a call based off of something they said individually to a rower (or even to the crew as a whole). It shows that you’re invested, engaged, and doing your part to make the boat go fast.

Rowers add meters to their stroke by erging, lifting, etc. You add meters to all of their strokes by filling your brain with useful information that you’ve attained through every avenue possible, not just from reading a blog online (although that’s a good start, if I do say so myself), and then delivering it in the most effective way(s) possible. In a similar vein, don’t coach beyond your level of experience. If you’re a novice coxswain, don’t try to cox like you’ve been doing it for ten years. I understand the intentions but more often times than not it comes off as obnoxious and your coxing ends up being just plain bad. Don’t cox what you don’t understand.

Reaction time is crucial

One of the first things I was taught as a novice was that you have to be able to experience, analyze, and react to situations no less than five seconds before they happen. You have to anticipate everything and anything. Ten different scenarios have to be going through your head at any given time and you’ve got to have a plan for every single one. Something that hurts novice rowers in the earning respect department is having horrible reaction times to what’s happening on the water. This usually occurs more when they’re coxing experienced crews but novice crews can also tell when their coxswain is showing up to the party late (and not in a fashionable way).

Your rowers shouldn’t have to take control of the boat because YOU should already have it under control. If rowers are calling for something to happen or telling you to do/call something, that’s a problem because you should have already done or called it. You earn respect from your rowers by demonstrating an unwavering capability to take control of a situation if and, most especially, when the situation warrants. This also relates to what I said at the beginning — calm and composed, never freaking out. For clarification/elaboration, reaction times doesn’t apply only to a situation that could be considered dangerous. It also applies to you calling for the starboards to lift their hands immediately after the boat goes offset, telling the crew exactly what needs to happen in order to recover from a crab and get back into the piece, etc.

Stand up for yourself and always be confident in your calls, decisions, and actions

Your teammates, including other coxswains, are only going to be assholes to you if you let them. If they think they can get away with it, nothing’s going to stop them from telling you to shut up, stop being such a goody two-shoes, or to straight up fuck off. You are in a position on the team that invites a lot of criticism and you have to have a thick layer of skin to deal with it. Confidence is non-negotiable. If you question yourself every time you do something or you let people walk all over you, no one is going to respect you because you don’t respect yourself.

Something I heard a college coach tell a novice coxswain a few weeks ago was “don’t invite contradiction”. I’ve heard that phrase many times in many different situations over the years and have always liked it. A coach I worked with this year said that he’d rather have a coxswain steer directly into a bridge than debate about what to do to avoid it in the five seconds before they hit it. Sticking to your convictions, regardless of whether the outcome is good or bad, is important. Being able to defend why you did something is better than doing something and not having a reason for why you did it.

Coxing Novice Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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This kind of sounds weird, but I’m a novice coxswain, how do I get my boat to respect me? I feel like (with the exception of calls related to steering and drills) they don’t listen to anything I say in the boat. They talk a lot and I tell them not to but they continue to. They point stuff out to me on the water that I can clearly see and I just feel like they are always yelling at me and telling me what to do. Sometimes I just need to make a decision but I can’t if everyone is yelling at me. I don’t know what to do. I’m learning but the coaches don’t really help me out. Most of the things I’ve learned about coxing I’ve learned from other coxswains on the team or your blog. Do you know how to fix this and get the rowers to listen to me?

You guys should just start telling me who you row for so I can send your team a personalized ass kicking. It’s so irritating when I see/hear this happening. Like, not only is it rude and disrespectful but its also not safe. It seems like I’m the only person that gets that. And the fact that coaches just let it happen?! Come on.

Related: How do I get my boat to respect me?? I’m a novice coxswain on the B boat. I do all the workouts and I asked a few people for advice in what they want to hear etc but some still don’t respect me! I’m nice but firm when needed to be. I was a rower for 3 months in a a single and 2 months in an 8 and 4. I was good, they wanted me to go to varsity singles this year so I kinda get rowing better than most coxswains so I do what I wanted my coxswain to do but still no respect from half my boat!!

This is one of those things where there’s nothing I can say other than to just tell them to stop doing what they’re doing. Meet privately with your coaches and tell them explicitly the problems you’re having with the rowers. Tell them that you repeatedly ask them to stop talking so that you can do what you need to do but they don’t listen or respond. Explain that you’re trying to build a rapport with them but it’s hard to do when they aren’t putting forth the effort or showing you any respect.

You have to be confident when you’re on the water too, even and most especially as novice. A lot of the times when coxswains say their boat does what yours is doing it’s because the rowers don’t trust the coxswain because the coxswain doesn’t trust themselves. This causes the rowers to think they’ve got to do the coxswain’s job for them and of course everyone has an opinion on how it should be done so it just turns into one big clusterfuck. Instead of saying “guys, be quiet” call the rowers that are talking out by name. There’s no shame in doing that at all.

One way that I got my boat to stop doing that really fast was by saying their names every. single. time. they’d start talking or screwing around. Eventually everyone got so pissed off that they kept of getting called out that they shut up and just rowed. Plus, the rowers that weren’t getting sucked into the antics got really frustrated because they just wanted to row so the pressure of having their teammates turn around and say “Be quiet” in addition to knowing I was going to call them out put an end to the unnecessary stuff that was happening.

Coxing Q&A Rowing Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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During races my coxswain always tells us we’re on, say, 5 seat when in reality we’re even or sometimes even behind. Other than that she’s a good coxswain but we can obviously tell that she is giving us the wrong information. We have politely asked her to be honest but she just keeps saying that she does it to keep our morale up. We’d all so much rather know where we actually are! How do we handle this? Thanks!

Ugh coxswains, stop doing this!! There it is in writing – rowers want the truth, not what you think they want to hear.

This goes past the point of just not listening to what her crew wants. For me, it’s now an issue of respect. Yea, you’re the one calling the shots but you’ve got to respect the rowers enough to listen to them when they ask you to do something differently because whatever you’re doing isn’t working. I’m glad you guys have asked her politely but now might be the time to ask her a little more firmly. Sometimes it’s necessary to be a little harsh to get your point across. Just tell her straight out that her coxing is great but she’s not helping you and it’s not boosting morale when she tells you things that you can blatantly see aren’t true. Tell her why it doesn’t help you and the reasons you have for wanting to know where you are, regardless of whether your position is good or bad.

Related: I want to try to get this straight [no pun intended]: When boats are racing, if our bow ball is on the other boat’s stern deck, you call that or say like “riding their stern?” and when it’s cox to cox it’s “lined up?” And if the cox is next to the other boat’s 6 seat or is it when our bow ball takes their 6 seat? Thanks!

If talking to her (again) doesn’t do anything, talk to your coach. You’ve given her several opportunities now to make a change and she hasn’t respected your requests. Hopefully your coach can understand where you’re coming from and talk to her. Maybe hearing it from a more authoritative figure will spark something.

Coxing How To Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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I am in my 3rd year coxing and I’m fighting for the JV boat with another girl who is in the same grade as me. I was really, really bad my novice year and wasn’t really good until now. I really want to beat her so I asked some rowers what I could do better and they said that people respect her more, and that she is more authoritative. But the thing is when I try to be authoritative people just think I’m a bitch because I’m normally really friendly and nice. How do I earn their respect?

Instead of focusing on “beating” the other coxswain, focus on improving your skills. OBSERVE HER. Ask her for advice. Yes, it’s a little “keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer” BUT seeing you swallow some humble pie will in fact help your rowers begin respecting you more. What about her demeanor, attitude, personality, etc. makes people respect her? When she’s coxing or leading the team, how does she do it? You don’t have to emulate everything she does, but if something is working for her and that same something is something you need to improve on, there’s nothing wrong with adopting the same techniques she uses.

As far as gaining respect in general, think about your parents. Most of the time, I think we can all agree that our parents are fairly chill – maybe a little uncool, but chill nonetheless. When we screw up and they get pissed at us, that’s where the learning opportunity arises. If your parents get mad and yell and scream at you, what are you more likely to do? Listen to them and do exactly what they say or ignore them, roll your eyes, and walk away? For most of us, we’d ignore them. When they get pissed and talk to you in a stern but eerily calm voice, that is when most of us are like “shit, ok, I’ll do what you want.” Tone of voice means everything. If you are less likely to listen to someone who is erractic while trying to be authoritative, what makes you think your rowers are going to listen to you if you exhibit the same behavior? Part of being an effective leader is self-control. You have to stay calm in the face of chaos and not fly off the handle at little things. Use the “stern parent” voice instead of the “she needs some mood stabilizers” voice.

Being friendly and nice is a great thing when you’re off the water but when you’re on the water you have to separate the friendly person from the in-control coxswain. You are in charge, so you must act like you’re in charge. Look to people you see every day that are in leadership roles – teachers, your coach, your boss, etc. – and see how they conduct themselves.

Your rowers also need to understand that when you’re on the water, your friendship is still on land. It cannot come in the boat with you. If they get pissed every time you tell them to do something just because it’s not something they’re used to hearing, life is going to be pretty hard for them. Explain to them that you aren’t trying to be a bitch and apologize if it comes off like that, but you’re trying to be more authoritative and it’s hard to do when they a) don’t take you seriously, b) don’t listen, and/or c) take it personally every time you say something to them. Tell them to respectfully and maturely tell you (after practice or in private) if/when they think you’re being a bitch so that you know exactly what situations they’re referring to and can work on improving or adjusting how you do things. Ask them why it comes off like that and what you can do to NOT come off like that in the future.

You can’t it personally either, even though that is easier said than done. Having a mature conversation with your rowers when situations like this come up will show them that you really are trying to improve your communication skills so that you can become a better leader, which will in turn continue building more respect between the two of you.

Also talk to your coach(es). Explain to them that you want to cox the JV boat too and want to know what they are specifically looking for in a JV coxswain. Having good rapport with the rowers is important but having the trust of your coach is CRITICAL. If they don’t think you can handle the boat in ANY situation, there’s no chance you’ll cox it. Ask them to spend some time critiquing you one day at practice and pointing out things you need to improve, but also some of the things you’re doing well (so you can continue doing them). Your coach’s feedback is just as important as your rowers so again, be mature and take any constructive criticism that you get as an opportunity to get better. You asked a great question which to me shows that you DO want to get better, so make that obvious to your coaches and rowers as well.

A huge part of becoming an all around better coxswain is force-feeding yourself multiple servings of humble pie. Improving not only our technical skills but our personal skills as well requires us to take a step back and reevaluate how we handle various situations. A true sign of maturing as a coxswain is when you can freely admit that you messed up or you could have handled a situation better, and then be able to figure out ON YOUR OWN how to do it right or better the next time.

For a few practices, focus on yourself more than you focus on “winning” the JV boat or “beating” this other coxswain. Make a list of things you think you can improve on and then work on them. Talk with this other coxswain and try not to make it blatantly obvious to everyone on the team that you are hell bent on getting this JV boat over her. Maturity, remember? Competitiveness between coxswains is fine but when one coxswain is super competitive and the other one is effortlessly just doing her thing and ROCKING IT, people will notice that and it tends to work out better for the calmer coxswain.

Coxing Novice Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

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How do I get my boat to respect me?? I’m a novice coxswain on the B boat. I do all the workouts and I asked a few people for advice in what they want to hear etc but some still don’t respect me! I’m nice but firm when needed to be. I was a rower for 3 months in a a single and 2 months in an 8 and 4. I was good, they wanted me to go to varsity singles this year so I kinda get rowing better than most coxswains so I do what I wanted my coxswain to do but still no respect from half my boat!!

Hmm. I guess my question here is why your boat doesn’t respect you…

How old are you/the rowers?

Do you know them well (are you friends outside of crew or did you just recently meet them)?

Do the rowers actually CARE about crew/do they know that YOU care?

Have you done something, knowingly or unknowingly, that might have pissed them off or given them the wrong impression about you?

When you’re on the water, do you know what you’re doing or are you constantly starting and stopping (to fix steering, have someone explain the workout, etc.)?

What is different about the people who DO respect you vs. the people who don’t?

Gaining the respect of your crew can be hard. It’s more about trust than anything else. The rowers who want to be there recognize that and will usually make an effort to get to know their coxswain if they don’t already know them. Doing the workouts with them is a good start and the fact that you have rowed before will be really helpful to you.

If you’re still having problems with those few people, I’d make a concerted effort to get to know them. Talk to them when you’re not on the water, offer to give them a ride home, etc. Maybe if they get to know you, they’ll stop being assholes. If something unpleasant happens on the water, leave it on the water. Don’t bring drama into the boat in the first place but leave whatever drama happened on the water out on the water. Be the mature one and shut that down immediately.

Before you start winter training (or if you’ve already started, after you get back from Christmas break), sit down with your boat and have a “goal setting session”. Take it upon yourself to do this. Ask them what their goals are for the winter and what their goals are for the spring. Write them down and revisit them throughout the winter, at the beginning of spring, and at the end of the spring season. Remind them what your goals are and that in order to accomplish them, you have to work as a team, which requires mutual respect amongst everyone in the boat.

If none of these things work, I’d take them aside individually and figure out what the problem is. Tell them that you’ve noticed that things are weird between you guys and you don’t want it to effect the boat while you’re training over the winter and especially once the spring season starts. Ask if there’s something specific that you’ve done to offend them or give them the wrong impression. If they’re being an ass just to be an ass though, that’s a problem you should talk to your team captains/coach about. Hopefully they recognize your efforts in working out with them, as well as your rowing knowledge, and can give you a little more firsthand insight than I can.