Tag: teammates

College Coxing High School Teammates & Coaches

The bitch in the boat

By readyallrow November 2, 2015

This is kind of an off-topic(ish) post so just bear with me here. This particular issue has come up a lot lately in conversation and emails so I wanted to touch on it here and get your thoughts.

I don’t know if any other (female) coxswains get annoyed with this but it’s really starting to rub me the wrong way when we’re told to “be more bitchy” when we’re coxing. I was told this in high school and college, my friends have been told this, girls I coach have been told this, and I’ve had numerous emails over the last few years from women of all ages who have been told this.

Instead of saying “be more bitchy”, why not just say “be more authoritative, assertive, confident, self-assured, etc.” in relation to whatever specific part of her coxing you’re referring to? There’s a big difference between asserting yourself to get shit done and straight up being a bitch and I don’t think it’s right to conflate the two and make it seem like in order to accomplish something you have to be (or are) a bitch.

There’s obviously plenty of instances where being called a bitch isn’t a big deal and like most people I think it’s a total non-issue when used in that context but telling a 14, 15, 16 year old girl (who doesn’t know or understand the pop culture appropriation of the word) that she needs to be bitchier in order to do her job just sends her the wrong message about what it takes to be a leader … and that I’m not cool with.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first one to admit that there are times when we are being bitches and we are being bossy in the negative sense and that’s something that we deserve to get called out on. Outside of those occasions though, there are better and more empowering ways to communicate to teenage girls how to be more assertive and confident when they’re in leadership roles (like what comes with being a coxswain).

The question that was in the post I linked to asked if I had any tips for “being bitchy in a helpful way”. I like the way that coxswain explained it too because she said she wants to “make sure I’m constructively assertive and not mean or unnecessarily aggressive”, which I think is the perfect way to describe what people mean when they call someone a bitch because they either want the former or think they’re being the latter. Here’s what I said in response to that and going forward, if somebody tells you to “be bitchier in the boat”, know that this is probably what they want you to do.

“If your rowers are speaking in a general sense, I tend to interpret that as them saying they want you to be more on top of them about the little details – aka hold them accountable for the changes they need to make, the rate/splits they’re supposed to be at, etc. I was just talking about this with our coxswains yesterday when we went over their coxswain evals and what I told them was that they need to know not just the standards and expectations that we (the coaches) have for each crew but they also need to know the standards and expectations that the rowers have for themselves and then aggressively hold them to that. That combined with knowing the appropriate technical calls to make (and when) and understanding the focus and purpose of each drill/workout so you can cox them accordingly is how you present yourself as a “constructively assertive” coxswain.”

I know topics like this can be eye roll-inducing and easy to write off but I hope what I said makes sense and you see where I’m coming from. Also, because I know someone somewhere will think/say this, this has nothing to do with male coxswains and stuff like this never being said to them. I purposely avoided going down that road because I don’t think it’s relevant. Maybe it is but it’s not the point I’m trying to make.

Being a coxswain helps you develop so many great and important life skills, especially when it comes to leadership, so in the interest of encouraging more girls to step into similar roles let’s do our part as coaches and teammates by using the right language to communicate the traits it takes to accomplish that.

Image via // @tristanshipsides

Coxing How To Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow October 29, 2015

Hi, I love your blog! I just started coxing this year and it has been so helpful and informative so far. My question: for my team’s first regatta this fall, I coxed the 3V which I was pretty proud of considering I’m a novice cox and the 1V and 2V are coxed by upperclassmen. However, for the next regatta, I found out I got moved down to the 4V. I want to know why and how I can get back in the 3V, but don’t want to annoy my coaches or seem like I’m resentful or overly focused on myself instead of the team as a whole. I’m not super upset by the switch but I’d really like to be back in the 3V for the spring. Also, I was told to be more “bitchy” in the boat, but I want to make sure I’m constructively assertive and not mean or unnecessarily aggressive. Do you have any suggestions for how to talk to my coaches about this or to get back into a higher boat, or tips for being “bitchy” in a helpful way? Sorry if this question has already been answered! Thanks so much!

Just talk to your coaches. Approach it casually and maturely and say “I didn’t mind being in the 4V but my goal for the spring is to cox the 3V. Is there anything that prompted the switch when we raced and if so, what can I do to work on that so I can have a better shot at the 3V?” Trust me, it really is that simple. As long as you don’t come off entitled or anything like that when you ask, they’re not going to care that you brought it up. If anything they’ll probably appreciate the fact that you’re talking with them about it because it shows your commitment to getting better.

As far as “being bitchy in a helpful way”, I think you first have to narrow it down to what’s actually being referenced. Are they saying you need to be more assertive with your execution in general or something smaller, like your calls just need a bit more “punch” behind them? I’ve heard people say “be more of a bitch” in reference to so many different aspects of coxing that I honestly don’t even know what they mean anymore (and truthfully, it’s really starting to aggravate me). If your rowers are speaking in a general sense, I tend to interpret that as them saying they want you to be more on top of them about the little details – aka hold them accountable for the changes they need to make, the rate/splits they’re supposed to be at, etc.

I was just talking about this with our coxswains yesterday when we went over their coxswain evals and what I told them was that they need to know not just the standards and expectations that we (the coaches) have for each crew but they also need to know the standards and expectations that the rowers have for themselves and then aggressively hold them to that. That combined with knowing the appropriate technical calls to make (and when) and understanding the focus and purpose of each drill/workout so you can cox them accordingly is how you present yourself as a “constructively assertive” coxswain.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow September 28, 2015

Hey, so I’ve been dealing with a lot this past month. A kid who I went to elementary school with killed himself in a very public way at the start of the month, which was the Friday of preseason at my high school. I am a coxswain for my school’s varsity team and ever since he died I’ve been slipping in terms of my coxing skills. My coach hasn’t really noticed much change because this is my first season with her as a coach and we could not get on the water the entire first week of the season due to several factors. All she really has noticed is that I am not as loud this year as I was last year (I was the coxswain who didn’t have a box in the 8 so I got to yell and have everyone on this side of Cambridge hear me during practice…)

Unfortunately I do not go to school in my town and no one at my school knows the kids who I grew up with and when I try and bring up the topic with them, conversations die because who wants to talk about the death of a kid who they never met. I feel like it is really hard for me because last year when a girl from my school died suddenly all sports and activities were canceled for a while and grief counselors were brought in, where as I went directly from hearing of my friends death to coxing a boat the next day. Also during the summer a girl who I played youth sports with died of cancer and it was a tragic even for my town’s community, whereas now where nobody knows my friend in my current community I feel like no one really cares about it. I have tried talking to a counselor and friends but no one knows him so they don’t really understand.

I am finding it hard to motivate my self to get out of bed in the morning so how can I motivate my rowers to push them selves during a 2k test or a HOCR piece? I have been thinking about quitting crew but a) it’s just getting to racing season for us and I have no replacement, b) WTF who does that, c) crew is basically a third of my life (my days go school, crew, homework repeat) so if I quit I will end up moaning in my room all the time which is not something I want to take up.

Do you have any advice? Also PS I am only a sophomore in high school as were all my friends who died. Thanks and sorry this is so depressing.

Wow. I am really sorry you’ve been dealing with all that.

I think you have two options, both of which you should do. First, talk with your coach one-on-one and explain what’s been going on. Let her know that you’ve been having a hard time lately due to the deaths of two friends and you think it’d be best to take some time off so you can gather your thoughts and figure out the best way to handle things. I know that this probably doesn’t seem like an option since there isn’t anyone to take your place but that doesn’t matter. Your health and well-being is a lot more important than that.Taking some personal time to deal with something as heavy as this doesn’t make you a bad teammate or weak or anything like that – it’s normal to need time to process everything that’s happened and if you’re already thinking about quitting, maybe taking time off is exactly what you need.

If you’re not sure how your coach will react, have your parents go with you. If you haven’t already, talk with them about how you’re feeling and ask if they’d come talk to your coach with you or just be there for support. I’ve said this a lot before but sometimes you do actually need your parents to be present when you talk with your coach and this is definitely one of those times.

Second, find a therapist in your town and ask your parents to set up an appointment for you. (You can also check out community mental health centers to see if they have free or low-cost therapy sessions you can take advantage of or your local hospital to see if they have support groups you can join.) If you aren’t finding the support you need at school or on your team, maybe talking with someone who is more connected to both events (even if it’s just due to location) will make things a little easier for you. Try to go on a regular basis too, at least for a month or so until you start to feel better.

I can’t pretend to know what to say to make you feel better because I’ve never experienced something like this. My brother had a very close friend commit suicide at the start of his sophomore year of college and I was at a total loss for what to say or do. All I could really do was listen and make the suggestion to find a therapist to talk to, which he did for awhile. That’s really the best advice I can offer.

As for not wanting to spend all your time in your room, you’re right, that’s probably not the best thing to do. A few years ago the brother of a friend from college was killed in a drunk driving accident and my friend felt the same way, that if he took time off from everything he was doing he’d end up not leaving his bed. What he ended up doing was taking two weeks off from everything outside of his full-time job and used that time to do the things his brother loved doing. He was really into movies so each night he and his friends would watch a movie that his brother liked or go see a movie at the theater that had one of his brother’s favorite actors in it. His brother had also just rescued two cats so in addition to adopting them, he started volunteering for a few hours after work at the shelter they were adopted from (which I think he still does on a regular basis). Little things like that helped him to process the loss of his brother while still keeping his memory alive and finding ways to keep him connected to his every day life. You could do something similar – i.e. if your friend really liked reading, see if you can volunteer at the library or organize a book drive in their honor. If they really liked animals, see what your local shelter has on their “wish list” and donate a few items in their name.

I hope that helps and that you’re able to find a way to work through this. Definitely consider taking some time off from crew and finding someone in your town that you can talk to. You’re right that it becomes a lot harder to motivate other people when you can’t even motivate yourself so it’s important that you take some time to get yourself back to a good place. Good luck.

College Coxing High School Novice Teammates & Coaches

Managing novice coxswains

By readyallrow September 3, 2015

It’s September, a new season is upon us, and with that comes a new batch of novices in all their naively enthusiastic glory. Let’s just assume, based on the majority of our own personal experiences, that your coaches won’t teach them a damn thing beyond “just don’t hit anything” and the onus will be on you, the experienced coxswains, to get them up to speed. Yes, it’s just as daunting of a task as it sounds like. Now you know what it feels like to write this blog.

There’s obviously a lot of things they’ve got to learn but you’re all good enough coxswains to know what to prioritize and what bridges can be crossed when you come to them. That’s not what today’s post is about. Today’s post was inspired by an article I read on Inc.com about how to manage interns. There were a lot of similarities between what they said and working with novice coxswains so I figured it’d be a good thing to put out there now before we get too far into the season.

Explain everything.

Everything that is super – and I mean super – obvious to you, tell/show them because none of it is obvious to them. The second you think “Should I tell them that? Nah…it’s obvious, they’ll know what it means/they’ll figure it out/etc.” … STOP. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Stop whatever you’re doing and explain to them whatever it is that you just thought was super obvious and self-explanatory. Trust me on this. It is worth you spending the extra two minutes going over it now than running the risk of something catastrophic and/or embarrassing happening later because they never figured out what this super obvious thing was or meant. Thing includes anything related to team protocol, where things are located within the boathouse, that sandbar about a mile and a half upstream, etc.

Give them constant feedback.

Positive or negative, feedback is an essential part of any learning process. Tell them when they’re on the right track, what they need to work on, etc. Obviously you’re not going to be in the boat with them but if you’re near each other on the water and you hear them calling a drill, let them know once you’re back on land that they sounded really engaged when they were going through “cut the cake”, which is great since it’s like the most boring drill ever … or give them some pointers on how to call it more effectively if they looked lost and were just saying “go…row” over and over. You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) watch them like a hawk because obviously you’ve got your own stuff to worry about but if you can give them a quick glance whenever you’re nearby and then a tiny nugget of feedback later, you are doing so much for them when it comes to teaching them and building their confidence/self-awareness.

Don’t expect perfection.

It’s not going to be perfect. It just isn’t. You weren’t perfect when you first started and neither was I. Everybody picks things up at different speeds and the first few times they do something it’s probably going to be a little rough. Getting pissed or visibly annoyed at them isn’t going to work in the “negative reinforcement” way that most people like to think it does. All that does is make them timid, less likely to ask for help when they actually need it, and then by default … useless. (Harsh but true.) They’re just learning how to function as coxswains which means you have to be patient with them. Keep them accountable but don’t expect anything to look or sound pretty for awhile.

Give them real responsibilities.

Giving someone who is new to the job meaningful stuff to do is going to build their confidence and get them up to speed a lot faster than giving them nothing to do in the interest of someone else doing it because they already know how and can do it faster. I know that’s a wordy sentence so read it again. The new coxswains, if they’re any good at all, want to learn how to do stuff and if they’re being relegated to doing things they already know how to do or they’re sitting off to the side not doing anything, they’re not learning. The most obvious example I have for this is trailer loading. There are numerous responsibilities that go along with getting ready to travel so don’t just relegate the novice coxswains to unraveling straps or packing up cox boxes. Show them where the oars, riggers, slings go and how they should be positioned in the trailer, walk them through getting a boat on the top and middle racks and then walk with them as they do it, etc.

The bottom line is this: put some effort into educating them. It’s not your responsibility to be the only person cluing them into what being a coxswain entails but you should play a pretty big part in it.

Image via // @row_360

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow August 27, 2015

What are your thoughts on female coxswains for male boats? In your experience, does this result in drama or awkward social situations? How about the role of a coxswain in bringing a team together? Do you feel that the leadership position that a cox holds on the water translates to off the water and the social dynamic of the team?

Here’s the thing about drama and awkward situations. People who want to cause drama or make shit awkward are going to cause drama and make shit awkward. Plain and simple. I am all for women coxing men’s boats provided they’re not coxing them solely to flirt with them and/or because they want to hang out with a bunch of hot guys who spend the majority of their time with their shirts off. If that’s why you want to cox men just GTFO because you’re not going to be a good coxswain. Forget about being effective, you just don’t have the right attitude going into it and I guarantee nobody wants to deal with that. Same thing applies to women who think they have to be super bossy (and not the good kind of bossy but the annoying elementary school kind of bossy) to get the guys to listen to her. I think they think they’re coming off as super confident and in charge but they’re not – all they’re doing is undermining themselves. Most of the time people are just going to wonder why you show up to practice with a stick up your ass every day rather than thinking “wow, look how confident and in control of her crew she is!”.

That aside, as has been asked before in the posts linked above and below, if you’re dating or hooking up with somebody in your boat and things end poorly then that’s naturally going to be awkward because that’s how most breakups are. If you’re both adults and can handle the situation maturely where no one else (meaning the other people in the boat, the rest of the team, etc.) is being affected by your personal issues then great. Unfortunately that tends to be the exception, not the norm, hence why crewcest is pretty looked down upon.

As far as the coxswain’s leadership position translating off the water … it depends on the team. Most of the time it does and coaches will look to them and the captains to act as the glue that keeps things together (both on and off the water) but other times the coxswain will naturally take a backseat leadership position off the water in order to allow the team captains to manage things. You’re not considered any less of a leader it’s just that you’re not the front-and-center leader like you are when you’re on the water, if that makes sense. That’s kind of how I’ve always looked at it.

When it comes to on the water stuff or things like trailer loading where the coxswain is kind of instrumental in getting things done, that’s my time to shine. The rest of the time I’ll leave organizing team meetings, handling interpersonal issues (unless it’s within my own boat), etc. to the captains and I’ll step up and help as needed. I don’t think there’s really a right or wrong way to approach this though, as long as what you’re doing works for everyone involved.

Teammates & Coaches Video of the Week

Video of the Week: Caitlyn Jenner’s ESPY Awards Speech

By readyallrow July 20, 2015

The Arthur Ashe Courage Award is an award that ESPN gives out at the ESPYs each year to someone, usually an athlete or former athlete, whose actions or contributions to society transcend sports. Caitlyn Jenner – former decathlete, “world’s greatest athlete”, and Olympic gold-medalist – makes an excellent point in her acceptance speech that everyone should take to heart as we get closer to the start of a new season when we’ll have new crops of athletes joining our teams: “We are all different. That’s not a bad thing, that’s a good thing and while it may not be easy to get past the things you do not understand, I want to prove that it is absolutely possible if we only do it together.”

Related: Mental health + rowing

We’re all athletes and because of that, we all kind of inherently respect each other because we know the amount of time, dedication, blood, sweat, and tears that goes into what we do. That same respect HAS TO transcend rowing though and extend to our everyday lives. Support your teammates, accept them for who they are, and be willing to shut down anyone who acts differently. It is so cool to watch history change right in front of our eyes like this but it takes everyone stepping up and doing their part to make a lasting difference and as Caitlyn said, “a more empathetic society and a better world for all of us”.

Coxing Teammates & Coaches Video of the Week

Video of the Week: How to choose your coxswain

By readyallrow April 20, 2015

Totally support this.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow March 3, 2015

Hi – I was wondering what you thought about motivating rowers outside of practice, such as making healthy choices or attending practice more often. Sometimes when I try this I feel pretentious or nosy and even though I have respect from my teammates in the boat and at practice, they might not take me seriously or say something along the lines of, “thanks Coach”. Thanks for any advice.

Eh, I think this is one of those things where you have to know your audience and understand the culture of the program. If you’re a fairly casual team then having someone suddenly trying to inject in a level of enthusiasm and personal responsibility that isn’t typically there can come off as you being that “eager beaver” type of person that we all know and roll our eyes at. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to try to up the level of your team but … it doesn’t always work. It also depends on your experience level too. If you’re a novice and you’re walking down the hallways at school saying “make good choices!” to other people on your team then it can’t be hard to see how that would get annoying.

Personally, I really don’t like when people do this because it’s rare that it actually comes off as intended and not as coming from a place of superiority. It’s just one of those things that (maybe irrationally sometimes) really pisses me off, regardless of whether it’s happening to me or people around me. Making healthy choices, showing up to practice, etc. are things that people need to decide for themselves that they’re going to do and it can be really annoying to have someone in your ear telling you to do something that you aren’t fully committed to doing. It’s kind of like telling an addict that they need to get clean – most of them know that’s what they need to do but they don’t want to do it because someone’s telling them to, they want to do it because it’s what they want and choose to do. It’s a weird analogy but one of my coaches said that to us in college and it’s just always kinda stuck with me.

Ultimately I think you can go one of two ways here. One, just back off because this approach isn’t working. Two, talk to one person (your stroke seat or the person who seems to be the most committed out of the group) about why you’re doing this and get them to buy into it. It’s a lot easier to get other people to buy in if you’ve already got someone (influential) on your side. Think about how you’re communicating this too – if you feel like you’re coming off wrong figure out why. Is it just because people aren’t responding the way you want them to (you can communicate fine and still have people not respond) or is it because you actually do sound pretentious when you talk to them? This is a good skill to develop in general so I’d encourage you to do it regardless of what you end up deciding to do. Every situation is different but in this one I’d say it’s probably best to just let it go because it sounds like you’re (unintentionally) annoying your teammates more than you’re motivating them. I wouldn’t take it personally though, especially if you still get along well and they still respect you in general.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

Question of the Day

By readyallrow February 26, 2015

Hey there, I am going into my second year as a coxswain (I cox boys novice). I feel like I could be more enjoyable in the boat. Don’t get me wrong, the boys and I have fun all the time but I also don’t want to upset my coach by talking to the guys and having in with them and stuff. I feel like there is no way I can have fun and be an enjoyable coxswain for the guys while still getting my job done. Also I have started a note book to write things down in for practice and regattas, any tips about what to write in it and good calls to make?

I think it’s important to remember that you’re not really there to be their friend while you’re in the boat. I mean, obviously there’s no reason to be unpleasant but you’re not a cruise director … your job when you’re on the water is not to ensure that they’re having a five star experience. They have a job to do and you have a job to do and that comes first. You shouldn’t be talking to them when the coach is talking because a) that’s rude and b) you (and they) will end up missing something the coach says which ends up wasting time later when he/she has to repeat themselves. If you’re already having fun like you said then just keep doing what you’re doing but keep in mind that being “an enjoyable coxswain” is not one of your responsibilities.

As far as notebooks go, check out the post linked below. For the most part my notes are just a running list of phrases, calls, things the other coaches say, and miscellaneous thoughts based on whatever we’re doing. My best advice though is to figure out a system that works best for you and stick with it.

Related: Keeping a notebook

“Good calls to make” is pretty much one of the vaguest questions ever (sorry) so I’d recommend checking out the “calls” tag and some of the recordings posts where I’ve pointed out calls I like, don’t like, think are awesome or could be said better/more effectively, etc. to see if you find something in there that you like. Most of the time though the calls you make should be based off of what you’re seeing. The more experienced you get and the more time you spend educating yourself on technique the easier it’ll be to make good calls.

College Coxing High School Teammates & Coaches Training & Nutrition

Mental health + rowing

By readyallrow February 24, 2015

This week, Feb. 22nd – 28th, is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I’ve talked about eating disorders on here before and wanted to link those posts here for those of you who haven’t seen them before or for those who might want to revisit them again.

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week: Intro

Eating disorders defined + explained

Warning signs + symptoms

Coxswains

Lightweight Rowing

Your experiences

More so than probably any other set of posts on the blog, I think I’m most proud of these ones because of the discussion/realizations that they sparked. It was scary when I got so many emails initially saying “I have an eating disorder, I’ve been dealing with it for awhile” or “That describes me, I know I have bad habits when it comes to food, I think this might be me, what do I do?” because eating disorders aren’t something you mess around with. There’s obviously a huge mental component to it and with the stigma around mental health issues in the US it’s no wonder why so many people don’t know where to turn or what to do.

I remember spending a good deal of time thinking “Oh shit, what did I get myself into” when I first wrote those posts because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or give the wrong advice but I learned really quickly that what a lot of the people needed was someone to talk to and just some genuine encouragement to seek help. It’s been so exciting to hear back from a lot of those people and hear them say that they did talk to their coaches, parents, doctors, teammates, etc. and are working on normalizing their relationship with food and their bodies. That alone takes more willpower and strength than any 2k you’ll ever pull.

Below I’m posting an excerpt from an email I got at the beginning of the year from a rower-turned-coxswain who has really motivated me to make sure that I’m doing my part to keep this discussion alive.

“You were the first one that I confessed to after my coaches. Things have gotten worse (broken foot, plus being put in the B boat and freaking out forever until we won the second novice race) and better (not being able to work out sucks and I already eat healthy – sometimes borderline orthorexia), my weight is nerve-wracking and anxiety-inducing still, and everything still feels “off” (energy levels, thyroid, mood, ability to lose weight is nonexistent I swear it drives me crazy) – but that’s definitely a byproduct of almost seven years of disordered eating. And after talking to you and feeling your understanding and support, I was brave enough to open up to so many other people in my life who have been incredibly supportive.

Thank you for always reminding us to take care of ourselves. Whenever I start to slip up and make bad decisions the NEDA week posts are my go-to reading. Your frank, honest attitude and advice about telling people who make those insensitive comments to your readers are so refreshing and they always remind me to take care of myself. When I freak out about weighing more than the four (for two boats!) other, shorter coxswains on my team and losing my spot, you always remind me that I cannot steer and motivate a boat if I do not take care of myself. Thank you for always, always, stressing your advice with weight with “healthy” and “sensible” and “obligatory reading.” Because sometimes you don’t want to admit your darkest parts to yourself until someone else makes you face them.”

Coaches, I really encourage you to talk about these issues with your teams (regardless of whether you coach men or women) because this stuff is real. There are probably rowers and coxswains on your team right now who are dealing with an eating disorder or walking that fine line between trying to be healthy and experiencing disordered eating. If you’re not comfortable doing it, reach out to a nutritionist at a local hospital or within the athletic department and have them come talk to the team. Trust me, it’s worth losing 45 minutes of practice time for. I’ve said this a thousand times but part of being a good teammate is looking out for each other. If you think that one of your teammates might be dealing with something like this, don’t jump the gun and accuse them because when has that ever been a logical and successful approach? Instead, just let them know that if they need someone to talk to you’re there if they need anything. More often than not that’s all it takes, just knowing that someone is willing to listen without being judgmental.

And on that note I also wanted to link back to this post on suicide awareness. Last week the rowing community lost a high school rower named Draven Rodriguez. Some of you might know him as “laser cat meme guy“, others of you might know him as a teammate and member of Shenendehowa Crew. I remembered reading the story about the yearbook and his cat (seriously though, how great is that picture…) last year but I didn’t know he was a rower until this weekend when someone messaged me on Tumblr about it. They said they didn’t know him personally but as a fellow 17 year old rower they were upset and shocked and didn’t know how to react.

I’ve never known anyone who’s died (at least not that I’ve been close enough to that would evoke some kind of response) so I don’t really know how to react in situations like this either. I think the only thing you can really do is use this to reinforce to yourself that everybody’s got their own shit that they’re dealing with and you never truly know how someone is feeling at any given moment. Be supportive of your teammates, even the ones you might not be friends with, and if you’re going through something find someone you trust to talk to about it. You can always email me of course (sometimes it’s a lot easier to talk to someone who doesn’t know you personally … I totally get that) but I would encourage you to reach out to someone at home too, whether it’s a sibling, parent, coach, friend, teammate, teacher, etc. just so that you have a support system nearby if/when you need it.

I know that this is a pretty random post and not at all about rowing or coxing but like I said earlier, I think we all have a responsibility to do our part in eliminating the stigma that surrounds these issues by talking about it with our teams and teammates. I encourage all of you to read the posts I’ve linked to in here and find some small way to do your part, either by making the decision to seek help if you need it or by reaching out to a teammate who might be having a hard time. At the end of the day, all of this is a lot bigger than crew and I hope reading through all of this helps to hammer that point home.

Image via // @tristanshipsides

Explain everything.

Give them constant feedback.

Don’t expect perfection.

Give them real responsibilities.

Image via // @row_360

Image via // @rowinginmainz