Hi! I know you’ve addressed this situation already but I need a little more advice in this case. You talk about how a coxswain (me, sophomore) dating a rower (junior) is a bad idea but it’s already happening and has been for almost a year. The new recruit freshmen don’t know about it yet because we are trying to keep it as low-key and off-the-water as possible. I guess I’m looking for damage control tips. We have a lot of boat switch-ups through the season so we aren’t often in the same boat. If I have favoritism at all it’s for the rowers in my class year because I’ve worked so hard with them. How can I continue to show the team that this won’t negatively affect them? We generally just don’t talk about it.

If you don’t talk about it and are keeping it low key and off the water, why do you need to do damage control? I think I’m either missing something or you’re making a bigger deal out this than it is. You’re not required to tell them you’re dating. Granted, they probably already know because people talk but if they haven’t said anything they probably don’t care. They probably wouldn’t care even if you did tell them. The only time stuff like this becomes an issue is when it starts to show up at practice – you’re ignoring your responsibilities in favor of hanging out with them at practice, you’re showing unnecessary favoritism towards them, you start being overly passive aggressive towards each other if things start going poorly, etc. If none of this is happening, again, I’m not sure why damage control is necessary.

Is dating one of your rowers a good idea? Not usually. Is it possible if people are mature about it? Definitely. This is more often the case in college than it is in high school (because people are generally more mature in general) but it is possible.