I cox a very close-knit men’s team, and sometimes it makes me feel excluded. They all live together and hang out together. If I happen to be there when they’re making plans, they always invite me, but they’d never think of including me if I wasn’t there. Is this a normal team dynamic between coxswains and rowers or only when you’re coxing a different-sex boat or does my team just not like me very much?

I wouldn’t say that it’s a normal coxswain-rower dynamic but I wouldn’t read too much into it either. If they didn’t like you at all they wouldn’t bother extending an invitation when you are around.

Related: I guess this is more a social life outside of rowing kind of question, but I’m in university rowing and there are a lot of socials which a lot of people attend. But, being in the UK, it’s all about getting drunk and partying etc, and I don’t particularly enjoy that so most of the time I feel left out and only go to the bigger ones (like Christmas ball) and have one glass. But I’m also a novice and want to meet people/seniors which is hard if you just go to practice. Do you have any advice?

The fact that you’re a girl and they’re guys could play into it a little – maybe they don’t think you’d enjoy playing video games or doing whatever else it is they do. My suggestion would be to come up with your own plans and invite them to hang out with you. Conference tournaments and March Madness will be here before you know it – invite them over to watch the games, eat tons of nachos, and just chill as a team. It’s entirely possible that they’re just completely clueless as to how much fun you are to hang out with so it’s up to you to show them!

Tags: coxswain men qotd relationships teammate problems