Once we are underway with an outing or actually in a race, I am completely in control and able to respond to any situation and keep a level head, which is what I think makes me a good cox. I find it difficult to keep that same composure on land or as we navigate up to the start. I panic and stress that we are missing a rower/ late/ something has gone wrong. I find it difficult to not get irate with my crew and my coach tells me to stop stressing but I don’t know how. Help?
I’m the same way. I have a tendency to try to micromanage things so I’ll get nervous if another boat gets in my way or in an undesirable situation, worry that we’re going to be late/miss the race, etc. I’ve gotten better at internalizing all of it so it’s not as obvious that I’m freaking out but it still happens sometimes. I’ve never gotten angry with the crew though unless they’ve directly played a part in me being nervous (i.e. being late to get hands on, forgetting something important, or just being a general annoyance by doing those annoying rower things…). The second you get irate with your crew though is when they start losing respect for you and not wanting you in the boat. You have to stay composed regardless of the situation. If the rowers think you’re incapable of handling the situation, they’ll mutiny. Not in the fun Pirates of the Caribbean way with rum and sea turtles and Johnny Depp either – they’ll just straight up stop listening to you and/or try to take control themselves. Rowers should never feel like they have to be the ones in control of the boat, which is why it’s so important for us to always act calm, even and most especially when we aren’t.
If you’re worried about something related to the rowers (showing up on time, remembering important stuff, not talking, being present, listening to you, etc.), tell them that. They probably know that you’re a bundle of nerves on the way to the start but have no idea why so they can’t do anything differently to help alleviate some of the stress. Before your next regatta, either at your boat dinner or after practice some time (never the day of or right before going out) talk to them and say that you need their cooperation to make sure things run smoothly. You have a million different things to watch for on your way to the start and spending unnecessary amounts of brainpower worrying about what the rowers are doing, etc. stresses you out. There’s nothing wrong with saying you get stressed by things. I used to think it made me a less-than-capable coxswain by admitting that I feel stressed in certain situations but it really, really doesn’t. You only have control over so much when you’re at a regatta but making sure that you are 100% in control of the things you do have control over goes a long way. If something goes wrong, close your eyes for a second, take a deep breath, and figure out what needs to happen to rectify the situation. Stay calm and do exactly what do when you’re on the water.
I hate when people tell me to just “stop stressing” because it’s like … how do I do that?? Don’t you know the eight million things I’m dealing with right now?! How you avoid getting stressed is something you’ll have to figure out on your own because it really is different for every person. It’s not possible to not get stressed though, which is something I learned to accept pretty quickly as novice. What you can do is adjust your reaction. Is this something I can deal with on my own or do I need help? Who do I need help from? (Asking for help is OK. Do as I say, not as I do.) What happened and what do I need to do? Am I missing some information? What do I need to know and where can I find it? When we were on the water going to the start I told my rowers that I needed them to be absolutely silent unless our team was coming down the course, in which case we’d obviously stop and cheer, because if it felt for a nanosecond like they weren’t giving me/the boat their full attention, it took my focus off of getting us to the line quickly and safely. It was a necessary plea but I had a good enough rapport with them that it didn’t come off as being dictator-ish or bitchy and they understood, without me giving an explanation, that in order for me to be the best coxswain for the crew, I needed them to do this for me.
The next time something pisses you off or doesn’t go as planned, right before you want to totally lose it, close your eyes. I promise you, it helps. Close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath. Rationalize your thoughts and make a serious effort to approach the situation differently than you have in the past. Talk with your boat and/or coach and explain why you get stressed and what they can do to help you be less stressed in whatever situations stress you out. Talk to yourself too. I found that part of the reason why I would get so stressed is because I would try to micromanage everything, which very rarely every works when your stressed. Don’t stress until you have to and even then, be calm about it.
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