Hi! I’m a Novice Coxswain (who use to be a varsity rower until I told my coach I wanted to cox cause I’m 5’0″) and I cox a men’s Novice 8 (I’m a girl) . Lately they’ve been disrespecting me and ignoring my commands. I’ve told the coaches and other coxswains (we are a small team and only have 5 coxswains) and my coaches always remind everyone to “respect your coxswains or you’ll be kicked off the team” besides them being mean and rude to me. We haven’t won a race all season and they are starting to blame me – but I feel like it’s not really my fault much? And last regatta my stroke seat hurt his arm picking up the boat at the regatta and according to a friend of mine they were all blaming me for him hurting his arm. They also got mad at me for saying “C’mon I’ve seen you row harder!” which I understand but they were getting up on me for ‘hurting their feelings’ (like them harassing me and picking on me isn’t hurting mine??). Not only that but another coxswain who had to cox them while I was out said meaner things to them and the same exact thing – but they never got mad at her and I think it’s because she flirts with them and stuff. At this point I don’t know what to do and I love the varsity rowers so much but I’m thinking about retiring early this season so I don’t have to deal with them…
I don’t get why coaches threaten to kick people off the team if they disrespect their coxswains (or anyone else). It’s not like anyone ever follows through with that. The day a coach kicks their best rower(s) off the team for being a dick to their coxswain (or hell, vice versa too…) is the day I start working for NASA.
I think that when things go wrong and there’s no one specifically to blame, it’s easiest for people to blame the coxswain because “it’s not like you do anything” and the rowers are bigger than us so there’s that whole thing where they think they’re intimidating us when in reality, they just look like assholes. With the exception of a few special cases, I really do believe that no one person is ever to blame for a loss. Everyone is responsible though because you’re a crew and that’s how it works. There’s always something that everyone can do a little bit better.
If your stroke hurt his arm … how is that your fault? Unless there’s some major details you’re leaving out, like you hired someone to Tonya Harding him out of spite or something, then just ignore it because they’re just looking for someone to blame and you’re an easy target (or so they think). I can understand why they’d get pissed at you for saying “I’ve seen you row harder” but at the same time, that’s a necessary and legitimate call sometimes. Of course there are better ways to phrase it but sometimes you’ve gotta be blunt about it because you know they’re capable of more than they’re doing right now. If saying that somehow hurt their feelings … wow.
If I was their coxswain I’d tell them to shut up, suck it up, and oh, I donno, row like they’re capable and then maybe I wouldn’t have to make calls like that. I take serious issue with rowers who think that their power output is directly proportional to how good (or bad) they think a coxswain’s calls are, like if the coxswain isn’t making good calls then that somehow makes it OK for them to row with the power of an eight year old. You can still row at 100% if the coxswain is making shitty calls. A coxswain is supposed to enhance your rowing but at the end of the day, you are still in control of your oar. You’re the one that decides how hard to push off and pull through the water, not the coxswain. Don’t interpret that as me taking any responsibility away from the coxswains because I’m not, I’m just making sure you guys are aware of your role in this. You can’t put all the blame on the coxswain when things go wrong because you bear some of the responsibility too. You are the ones with the oars in your hand.
As far as the other coxswain goes, I donno, as a fellow coxswain that’s just a non-issue for me. Not that you’re doing this but just a word of caution to all the women out there: don’t be that female coxswain that gets pissed off because another female coxswain is getting along well with a men’s crew. Just don’t. If you want to come off as a super petty, immature bitch then go for it but don’t assume that she’s flirting with them or doing anything else to/for/with them just because the guys are listening to her and she’s having a good time with them. Maybe she’s just a good coxswain who has found a way that works when it comes to communicating with them. Instead of making assumptions or spreading rumors you should talk to her and say “hey, I’ve been having a hard time trying to work with these guys but you’ve seemed to figure out how to get them to respond to you – what’s your secret?”. I can’t say that I really stay on top of the rules of feminism but I’m pretty sure that tearing other women down because of how successful they are or questioning how they got where they are isn’t one of them.
My teams novice guys coach actually did kick off their 2 best rowers for telling their coxswain to quit.