I have been coxing for 4 years in High School and originally loved it however the past years I have slowly started to dread the practices to the extent that I would fake sick just so I wouldn’t have to go. I find that as I am becoming a higher level coxswain (Junior National Team and now a University Recruit) that rowing is no longer a hobby for my fellow crew mates, that it is their life. I don’t think I would ever be able to have that level of commitment as rowing has started to lose all of the joy that it once brought me and has become more of a nuisance than anything else. I am now starting University Training Camp and don’t know whether I should quit or not. I have never quit at something before in my life however I just truly get no joy out of it anymore and it just makes me very tired and depressed. I also just cannot really relate with my teammates and their lifestyles as all of them are Arts students with light course loads while I am in a very competitive Commerce program and in addition many of them thrive on “rowing drama” and are rather catty and competitive. Don’t get me wrong, the thrill of coxing a race is still one of the greatest things ever for me however I don’t know if I can handle all the rest. What do you suggest? I wish to tell the coaches as early as possible if I am not continuing as I do not want to inconvenience them…
Short answer? Just quit. You clearly aren’t enjoying it anymore and what’s the point in doing something if it doesn’t make you happy?
Long answer? I felt the same way you do and was in the same position as you as well. I did it for four years in high school, was recruited, and then fell out of love with it pretty hard and fast. I had a couple friends on the team but the majority were way more into partying than I was so we didn’t really have a ton in common. I’ve talked about this on here before but for me it got to the point where my alarm would go off in the morning and I would instantly be so pissed off that I had to wake up and go to practice. Not really the best way to start off what frequently turned into 18-20 hour days. I was always tired, always behind, always miserable, and perpetually in a state of being “over it”. When I decided to quit it was a really hard decision because I’d never quit anything either. I actually considered staying with it just so I could say I never quit anything. That’s a really stupid reason for doing stuff though so I told my coach that I was quitting and that was that.
As far as crossing that line between hobby and it becoming your life, you’re going to find those people on every team you’re on, regardless of whether it’s a sports team, the people you work with, etc. However, I don’t think that means that you should have to conform or pretend to be super into something you’re not just to please other people. Personally, I need that separation. I love crew but it in no way is my life and I’ve definitely met other coaches who don’t like the fact that I refuse to be all about rowing 24/7. There’s also a pretentiousness about it that just makes me roll my eyes (although that could have been/probably was more about the people than the sentiment). The point is that it’s OK to view crew as a hobby as long as you still show up ready to give 100%. If you think nothing of crew before or after practice, who am I to care? I’ve met plenty of people like that and in my experience they tend to be more dedicated in the long run than the people who are all OMG CREW = LIFE. There needs to be a balance otherwise you’re just asking to burn yourself out (case in point: that’s why I quit, I had no balance because crew took up so much time and mental energy). It can be hard to be that person who is perceived to be less dedicated than everyone else, especially when they’re catty and competitive like you said, but if people are going to make you feel like shit because you’re trying to manage a heavy course load and whatever else you’ve got going on, at some point you’ve gotta ask yourself if those are the kind of people you even want to call your teammates.
I’d set a meeting as soon as you’re able with the coaches and then tell them that you don’t want to do it anymore. Don’t beat around the bush, just get straight to the point. Don’t let them guilt trip you into staying or anything like that either. That’s such an asshole move and I hate when people do that. You also don’t have to say everything to them that you said in your question regarding the reasons behind your decision. If you just want to say that you’d rather focus on school because you’re course load is starting to really pick up then say that. You’re not obligated to tell them every detail. If you want to that’s your choice but you shouldn’t feel like you have to.
Like I said at the beginning, there’s no point in continuing to do something that doesn’t make you happy. If it’s to the point where you’re faking being sick to get out of practice or you view it as a nuisance rather than a fun activity then quitting is probably the best option.
