Hi Kayleigh, I’m coming and asking you because at this point my team is desperate. I don’t want to give much away other than we are a college team with a head coach who is boarder line abusive with an assistant coach who doesn’t coach and knows way to much about our personal lives beyond way what we post on social media. Some people have gone to compliance and they didn’t do anything and when some went to the Title 9 office that ended badly for us. Do you have any advice on dealing with a bad coaching situation?
Yikes. If neither of those two things worked then you should probably consider escalating it to the athletic director or assistant AD. If things are that bad then there’s no way they wouldn’t want to know, not to mention the fact that they should know about it. Situations like this are always tough and the tendency to sweep it under the rug or side with the coaches over the athletes, even if there’s a valid reason to look into the coaches’ actions and behavior, can be frustrating (especially when the go-to response lately involves saying something about “entitled millennials” not being able to handle a coach being “tough” on you). That shouldn’t be a reason to not speak up though if you feel like lines are being crossed.
I’m not sure what you mean by “it ended badly for us” in terms of going to the Title 9 office but I feel like whatever it is, it’s probably not legal just based on what Title 9 is. For those not familiar, it prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex. Here’s an example of what a Title 9 policy looks like (this is ours):
“MIT is committed to providing a learning, living and working environment free from gender-based discrimination. Gender-based discrimination, including sexual misconduct (a term used to describe a range of behaviors including sexual harassment, non-consensual sexual contact/sexual assault, non-consensual sexual penetration/rape, and sexual exploitation), intimate partner violence, and stalking committed by MIT students, staff, or faculty will not be tolerated. This applies to academic, educational, athletic, residential, and other Institute operated programs.”
So … yea. Obviously I don’t know all the details but if the issue wasn’t addressed and you were retaliated against for speaking up (especially if it was by your coaches), that’s a pretty serious problem in itself. Like I said though, I’d start with scheduling a meeting with the AD or assistant AD and calmly, rationally, etc. explain what’s going on. Keep it as straightforward as possible (make a bullet-pointed list if you have to), don’t elaborate for effect or anything like that, just lay out the facts and let them deal with it. Don’t be afraid to stay on them about this too if you haven’t heard anything or it feels like things have stalled.
As far as how to deal with this during practice … tread lightly, get in, and get out. I’ve had bad coaches but nothing to this magnitude so I don’t know how helpful that advice is but whatever you do end up doing, try to keep a level head throughout the situation and just channel your frustration into your strokes.
Feel free to email me if you wanna share more details – sometimes understanding the context of the situation helps me come up with better advice. Definitely keep me updated though, I’m interested to hear how things turn out.
I’m just going to add in here that keeping a running , dated, and signed record of factual transgressions will help when you go into any meeting that might have a legal implications.