Tag: teammate problems

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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What is your opinion on crew relationships? I feel like if they work out that it’s great, but if they end it’s extremely awkward because you’re at crew EVERY SINGLE DAY. I ask this because I like a guy at my rowing club, who liked my best friend. Liked being the keyword: she never had feelings for him that way and friendzoned him. Yes, I know you aren’t a matchmaker or anything like that but you know a lot about crew!

As long as you’re mature about it and can separate your relationship from crew, then you’ll be fine. Problems arise when you bring your relationship into the boat with you or let it affect your performance. If you come to practice crying, fighting, or just in an overall shitty mood because of something that happened between the two of you, that’s when you need to start re-evaluating things. It can be awkward if/when it ends, especially if you went out for awhile or got friend-zoned like the guy you know did, but you really just have to be mature about it and move on.

High School Novice Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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So I’m a novice coxswain and I am very self conscious. I am constantly asking my rowers what they want to hear and asking others for advice. In a race we did well at, I was really proud of myself but then one of the girls in the boat told me that they did all the work and I didn’t really do anything. And then when we do bad in a race, I feel like its all my fault. I don’t really know what to do…

That is so rude of that girl. I really can’t stand rowers that have that attitude towards coxswains. If you think that they are such unimportant additions to the boat, go scull or row a pair. They’re there for a reason whether you like it or not.

Related: I started rowing about a year and a half ago, but I’m 4’11 so my coach had me cox 4-5 months after I had started rowing and instantly fell in love. I’m a varsity coxswain, but I always have trouble finding my voice during races. I’m not terribly confident because some of the girls in my boat criticize me, but it’s never constructive it’s really rude, but I stumble over my words and end up repeating myself. Do you have any tips on how I could improve my calls?

If you do poorly in a race, it’s never one person’s fault. Yea, if you’re steering all over the place that’s probably going to make a significant difference and you deserve to have the rowers pissed at you for that. Otherwise, there isn’t much you can do to effect the outcome of the race other than call a good piece. Know your strategy and how to execute it. When you do execute it, do it confidently so that the rowers will feel your commitment and respond in kind.

Related: I’ve always been that insecure person but according to my rowers and coach, I’m a “good coxswain.” Problem is that I always find fault in whatever I’m doing. I’m positive towards my rowers but negative towards myself. Any tips on how to be more self confident?

Like I said to the person in the post linked above, sometimes you have to remove yourself from the situation and look at it from a neutral perspective. What actually happened in your race? What could you have done differently in terms of calling the race or where you made a certain call? How well did the rowers respond to your calls? What worked, what didn’t? What was the competition like? Are they known for being an insanely fast team who wins everything or are they a team you should have easily beaten? What were the weather conditions? How did that effect the water? How prepared was your crew for the race? Were they excited for it or was it “just another race”? All of those things have an effect on how well you do in a race, outside of the actual rowing. It’s never “all your fault”.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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This is probably a weird issue but I’m a coxswain and a few outings ago I accidentally spit on my stroke seat during a piece. The stroke screamed and demanded to be removed from the boat because she didn’t want to be in a boat with such a gross coxswain. This is the only time it’s ever happened to me but now the rowers are purposefully rowing poorly when they are in my boat and when out coach asked for input about coxswain placement for the next race, they trashed me and I was moved down a boat.

I’m assuming that this wasn’t on purpose and was just a result of you getting into the piece. Yea, that’s pretty gross and I definitely would have been like “…ew, seriously??” if I was your stroke but she and the other rowers took it way too far. If you’re feeling particularly passive-aggressive I would refuse to take their times down after their next erg test because rowers are disgusting and sweaty and covered in snot, vomit, and god knows what other bodily fluids after an erg test and nobody wants to be near such gross shit after an erg piece.

The solution to this problem is to talk to your coach and explain that it was an accident. Ask yourself though if you really want to cox a boat where the rowers evaluate their coxswain on something stupid like this instead of your actual abilities. I sure as hell wouldn’t. I’d tell them to go fuck themselves and stick with the boat you were moved down to. If your coach knew that that was why your evaluations were so poor, I’m sure he’d have something to say about it to your stroke and those rowers.

Rowers, if you treat your coxswains like this or see someone treating a coxswain on your team like this and say nothing about it, I have no respect for you. None.

I did something similar in one of my boats in high school and my stroke just busted out laughing and said “now you know how we feel!”. I had a cold at the time when we were doing a really intense race piece and I sneezed but tried to hold it in so it wouldn’t interrupt my coxing. That resulted in me choking which led to me coughing up a lot of nasty crap in my throat, which then led to said nasty stuff flying towards my cox box and my stroke’s feet. It was disgusting and I was like … omg … did that just happen … but my stroke was cool about it and laughed it off (although she wouldn’t let me live it down for at least a year after that).

Coxing High School Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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So this might come out bitchy and trust me that is my very last intention, but I don’t like my cox. First, I should probably tell you that she and I are the “babies” of the varsity team, we’re the only sophomores, everyone else is a Jr. or Sr. We only have one other cox who is a senior but my cox is more skilled and is almost always placed in the top boat, as am I which is great ya know, power to the underclassmen, but I just really don’t respond well to her tone of voice/style etc. I’ve tried making suggestions b/c the last thing I would want to do is disrespect a teammate or insult her abilities but she really only implements the suggestions made by the older girls which peeves me to no end. I get the idea that she sometimes thinks she’s better than me which is also really frustrating especially b/c she messes up the workouts/stroke ratings/stoke count multiple times a practice. Not saying I’m perfect and or don’t mess up I just feel like I’m that kid in class who always has their hand raised but the teacher just never freaking calls on me. How do you think (from both a coach & teammates perspective) I should handle this?

My first thought was she’s taking the older girls’ suggestions because they’re more experienced, so she thinks they know more, whereas you and she are the same age so you probably wouldn’t know what you’re talking about in comparison (if that makes sense). My other thought is maybe she’s friends with the older girls and that’s why she listens to them. What’s your relationship like with her? If you’re not friends or you butt heads, she might ignore your suggestions out of spite.

Have you tried talking to her one-on-one regarding your suggestions? Part of what makes a coxswain “good” is the ability to take constructive criticism or suggestions from the boat (including from the rowers you don’t necessarily like) and implement it, even if means adjusting how we do things. Unless you flat out tell her she’s doing a terrible job, I don’t think that would be insulting or disrespectful to approach her and say what you’re thinking. Another approach would be talking to the senior coxswain and asking for her advice on what to do. As a coxswain, she might be able to talk to this girl and explain that you have to take into consideration the suggestions of everyone in the boat, regardless of your personal relationship or feelings about them.

What about your coach – have you tried talking to them about it? If it’s affecting your rowing and really bothering you, I’d have a conversation with them and ask for their advice on how to handle it. They might be able to give you something more substantial to work with since they know you and your coxswain (whereas I don’t). If you talked to her and she still didn’t respond to your suggestions, I would pull her aside and say the same thing that I’d say if I were talking to her coxswain-to-coxswain … regardless of how experienced or inexperienced a rower is or how you feel about them outside of the boat, if they say something’s not working for them, you have to look at yourself and see what you can do to improve. It does suck because we tend to be perfectionists who think what we’re doing is always right, but in the end we have to do what’s best for the boat. A coach doesn’t want a coxswain that ignores what her boat says because that gives the rowers minimal reason to listen to her, which leads to all sorts of drama and problems.

What is it specifically about her style or tone of voice that you don’t respond to? If you can think of the specifics, that will be a lot more helpful to your coach and coxswain that just saying “Oh, I don’t respond well to her”. This will at least give her something to work with whereas just saying you don’t respond to her style could be construed as “Oh, I just don’t like her and this is how I justify not listening to her” (which I doubt is what you do but that could be how she sees it).

If she’s always messing things up in practice, that’s also something your coach should know. That wastes time and the energy of the rowers, which is annoying all around. One thing coxswains often forget (I’m guilty of this sometimes too) is that rowers can count. Even though we’re counting for them, they still know their 1-2-3s. If they hear the coach say that you’re going to do 20 on, 10 off, etc. and you count 22 on, 9 off, etc., that’s going to piss them off. It makes them question if you’re paying attention, which can then lead to a whole other set of issues. If that’s part of the problem with your coxswain too, bring it up with your coach. They want the rowers focused on JUST the rowing, not on what the coxswain is (or isn’t) doing.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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Advice from a coxes perspective would be great. I’ve been lucky enough to have the same cox for 2 years & he used to be amazing. Recently, it’s felt very much like he’s lost interest. He’s just in the boat, not part of the crew. He’s going through the motions. It makes it very hard to stay motivated, given everything else that’s crappy. He’s also coxing the elite men, maybe he sees them as his chance to win & we’re just the disorganized cranky old women he coxes sometimes. Should I call him on the change?

Ah, I know this feeling. Sometimes I recognize it right away and other times I don’t realize it until after the fact. It’s possible that you’re right – he identifies more strongly with the men and recognizes their competitiveness as a chance to really exercise his coxing muscles so that’s where he’s shifted his focus. I get that because I’ve been in similar situations.. If your crew really is the “disorganized cranky old women he coxes sometimes” then that’s most likely what’s going on. Guys coxing women is tough to begin with but the one consistency I’ve noticed with the few guys I’ve discussed it with is that when the rowers start typical “girl” drama, they get disinterested pretty fast.

I completely understand why it’s hard to stay motivated when your coxswain makes it obvious, either intentionally or unintentionally, that they don’t want to be there. As a crew, I think it’s well within your right to sit down and talk with him. I would hope you’d do the same for any rower displaying the same attitude. Ask him if he’s free for a boat meeting one day (ideally after practice or on a day when you’re not going on the water) and then make a short list of what you want to talk about. I find that boat meetings are much more effective when there’s a set agenda. Explain to him that you’ve noticed over the last few weeks/months that something has changed and he doesn’t seem as into the boat as he used to be. Avoid directly accusing him of liking the elite men better since you don’t actually know that’s the issue. First ask him if everything is ok – maybe school or work has been really hectic lately and he’s just been low on energy. Everybody’s been there so hopefully the crew can understand this. If he says everything is fine, then you can broach the subject of the elite men.

Explain that you’ve noticed that since he started coxing the elite men, he seems less interested in coxing your boat. Again, don’t be accusatory – state what you’ve seen and let him explain from there. Tell him that if that’s the case then it might be best for him to take some time and decide if he wants to continue coxing you guys. Explain that you’re happy that he’s coxing a crew that has such high potential but your focus is your boat and you need a coxswain who is just as invested in this crew as the rowers are. If he says he’s become disinterested or less motivated, ask him why. Be prepared that he might say it’s because of the crew, for whatever reason. Don’t be offended or defensive – take what he’s saying as an opportunity to improve and make some changes.

For me, I tend to lose interest really fast when I’m working with people who aren’t as invested, motivated, or “into” whatever it is we’re doing. If I can see that I’m putting in all this effort but they aren’t, why should I continue doing what I’m doing if I’m the only one doing it? Having coached a couple teams at the same time over the last few months, I’ve also noticed that when one team is at a 3 and another team is at an 8, my excitement, enthusiasm, and effort is naturally going to go to the team at an 8. I tend to notice this after the fact but now that it’s something I know, it’s helped me prepare for future coaching situations.

Like I said, I wouldn’t just look at him being a flake … look at the team and see if the attitudes of the rowers or the crew as a whole could have played a factor in his declining levels of interest. Coxswains need to feel motivated and inspired too so when it doesn’t feel like the rowers are giving 100% coxswains can interpret their role on the team as being pointless, which makes it really hard to get into practice.

Q&A Rowing Teammates & Coaches

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I row for school, I am not in their boat but I have two good friends in one boat and they are always laughing and talking and not listening. It’s really annoying when the rest of the squad is taking it seriously! Should I say anything or just leave it for the coaches?

Since they aren’t in your boat, I wouldn’t say anything since it’s (hopefully) not directly affecting you or your boat. If they do the same stuff on land that they do in the boat, you could try having a conversation off to the side with them and explain that it’s distracting and frustrating to everyone around them when they see two teammates not taking the practice seriously. Leave it at that. They’ll either get the message or they won’t.

In general though, it’s up to the coaches and coxswains to handle stuff like this. Their coxswain needs to tell them to stop talking and pay attention when you’re on the water and the coach who’s out with them also needs to tell them to stop or get out of the boat. Unless you’re a team captain or something, I think it’d be out of place for you to say something since you’re not all in the same boat.

Ergs Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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How do you stop competition over erg times from ruining a friendship?

Just … don’t?

The only real suggestion I can offer is that someone in has to be the bigger person and remove themselves from the situation entirely. Make it clear to the other person that erg times are separate from the friendship and wanting to pulling a better time than someone isn’t indicative of anything other than dedication to the team and motivation towards getting in the best boat possible. I would say that if these people were really friends they would be encouraging each other to get the best times they can instead of letting something silly tear them apart. In the grand scheme of things, i.e. life, erg scores aren’t important. It’s really not worth ruining a friendship over something so trivial.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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Winter training has caused all of the rowers at my club to become insanely competitive. Our junior team is now completely broken into cliques and honestly everyone (including me) is completely on edge. Only some of us train twice a day based on if we have morning spares for school and the people that go to that suddenly think they’re more elite than anyone else. Do you think there’s anything we could do?  Also it doesn’t help that half the team is in a relationship with someone else on the team, so there’s tension there.

Yikes. Not the best situation to be in during the cabin fever months of winter training. My first thought was “team meeting”. The captains (or coxswains, if you don’t have captains) need to recognize and assess the situation, then hold a team meeting to tell everybody to basically get their shit together. I can kind of understand the cliques thing because during the season each boat kind of becomes it’s own little clique, but if it’s getting to the point of people being in cliques à la Mean Girls, that has to stop. Captains and/or coxswains need to take responsibility and get that under control. A divided team during winter training does not bode well for a happy, collective team during racing season.

Training twice a day does not make you better than people who train once a day. You can go to the gym thirty times a day and it doesn’t make you any more dedicated than someone who goes once. The beauty of winter training is that things can be done on one’s own schedule, so if some people have the time to go twice a day, then great, but not everyone does. Winter training is also the one time during the year where if people need a break, they can take one. Unless you specifically know that people aren’t working out because they don’t care, don’t want to, or some other illegitimate reason, those rowers have no right to think they’re more “elite” than anyone else. The way you said that also made it seem (to me, at least) that the only reason they go twice a day is to say they’re going twice a day and to hold it over other people’s heads, which in turn makes me question how hard they’re actually working out.

Relationships within the team is a messy situation all around. People know the risks of dating someone else on the team and if they don’t … they’re potentially in for a rude awakening. The tension that comes with that unfortunately can’t be avoided in most cases unless those involved take action to ensure such tension does not exist. You can’t really make a rule saying “members of the crew team can’t date each other” (well…technically, I guess you could), so you’ve just got to deal with the effects of it as they come along.

It sounds like your team needs to do some serious bonding. One of the main reasons why collegiate teams go on training trips far, far away from campus is because it helps the rowers get to know one another and thus, everyone is closer as spring season draws near. Read #4 on this post and this post. They say practically the same thing but there might be one or two ideas that are different. The biggest thing that needs to happen though is a team meeting of some kind where those in charge put an end to the petty crap. If it’s serious enough to get the coach involved, do it. You could even talk to him/her and explain the situation and what advice can they give you on how to handle it? Then the captains/coxswains can take it from there. If that doesn’t work, you’ve got to step back and let your coach handle it. Hopefully though everyone on the team can see the effect that this is having and they’ll all be willing to make some changes so that it doesn’t continue.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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As a coxswain I do all the workouts (to keep weight down and to encourage/have respect from rowers) but none of the other coxswains do. Do you think I should ask them to join? I just feel when we are concentrating to do 50 push-ups and they are laughing they kinda bugs me / gets me off track, I don’t want them to sacrifice our rowers work outs. I know the rowers are quite annoyed also … should I tell them to leave join, stop, etc?

If you’re a varsity coxswain and they’re younger than you, you can definitely tell them to either take it seriously or go away but if you’re younger or the same age as them, they might not take you seriously and think that you’re just being a jerk or sucking up or whatever. In that situation, I would talk with your coach and explain how you and the rowers feel like they’re undermining the workouts, the team, etc. by being distracting and doing whatever they do. Hopefully they can talk with them and handle it from there.

Related: So I’m a novice coxswain and I’m really not athletic. The other coxswains told me that during winter training we do everything the rowers do but because I haven’t been erging and working out with the team, I’m scared I won’t be able to keep up with them. What should I do?

I wouldn’t ask them to join because if they’re screwing around just watching, the chances that they take it seriously when they actually have to do it is slim to none. This ties back to coxswains half-assing it and pissing the rowers off. Coxswains should never not be doing something when they’re at practice. Whether they’re working out with their boat, coxing people on the erg, taking times down, watching video, helping the coaches, etc. there’s always something to do.

In this situation, you are the more mature one. Regardless of the pecking order, find a solution to your problem and be OK with how you handled the situation. Ask your coach for advice on what to do and go from there. If he says he’ll handle it, leave it at that. If he tells you to tell them to join in or leave, do it. Be confident in how you say it and make them understand that in this moment, they are not being valuable members of the team and no one appreciates their attitudes or apparent lack of interest. Situations like this suck, but they happen. How you handle it says a lot and really helps the rowers get a feel for the kind of leader and coxswain you are.

Coxing Novice Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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Hi! I’m a novice rower and asking for advice concerning my coxswain. She doesn’t get really fired up during races and falls back on just correcting our technique when we really need motivation. Anything you know that helps? We’re a girls team btw.

Have you talked to her about this? Does she know that it bothers you guys when she only focus on technique and doesn’t give any motivation? If you haven’t it’s possible that she doesn’t know there’s a problem.

Whenever you go out and do a piece, ask her if she can throw in some more motivational calls and then give her some specifics – tell her exactly what you (and the rest of the boat) want to hear. Explain that technical calls are really helpful at the beginning but as the race goes on, you need more motivation because as you get more tired it starts to feel like you can’t go on and you NEED someone pushing you and telling you that you can. Hopefully she’ll listen to you and try and throw in some more motivational calls – if she does, acknowledge that. At the end of a piece or after practice, say thank you and that you really appreciated her trying to throw in some new calls. Tell her that it really helped and ask if she can keep doing that.

Another thing you could do is have the other girls in your boat write down one or two things they want to hear and then give that list to her so she can read it. It’s possible that she knows what to say but just gets overwhelmed or forgets, so perhaps seeing it right in front of her will help remind her of things to say. You could also find a recording or two that you like (check the “recordings” tag on here and you’ll find some sprinkled through various posts) and then send her a link to it. Say that you came across these and really like how the coxswain does this or that or whatever and could she maybe try something similar the next time you go out. If she’s a novice like you, she’s still learning how to do this whole “steer-cox-think about 90430943 things a minute” thing, so maybe having one of the varsity coxswains talk to her might help. Ask them if they’d mind giving her a couple pointers on things to say during races, specifically relating to motivational calls.

Asking coxswains to do something is a little like herding blind cats sometimes … it can be hard because coxswains are usually stubborn and typically don’t like being told what to do. Be nice when you talk to her. Don’t all come at her at once with pitchforks and accuse her of not listening to you or of sucking as a coxswain. Talk about it one day after practice and see what happens.