Tag: coach problems

College Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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Hi, I am a college freshman, and am in an uncomfortable situation with one of my assistant coaches. I like her and think she is a good coach however other girls have said she’s a bitch. At first I thought they just didn’t like her being a hardass (even though I didn’t even see her as that) but then the other day I found her a walk-on and she said I was her favorite freshman. She also said it to everyone else at practice. At first I was thinking she was joking around but I also see the way she acts around all the other freshmen and she can be pretty mean to them, especially our cox. She also came up to me while we were erg testing and was saying what our top freshman split was and how I was under it and that she wanted me to beat it. She didn’t say much to anyone else. The others have noticed the favoritism and personally I don’t think it’s fair to them because they work just as hard as me. Any advice on handling this situation?

Yikes.

She’s definitely in the wrong here for making it blatantly obvious that she’s playing favorites. My best advice would be to talk with your head coach about this and explain that it’s making you uncomfortable and putting you in an awkward situation with your teammates because it seems like your assistant coach is giving you preferential treatment while being overly-harsh with everyone else. If you’re comfortable saying that to your assistant coach, go for it, but I think it would be better to let the head coach deal with it since I think it’s something they’re better suited to handle. Since they have more authority than a freshman rower, it’s more likely (I would hope) that she’ll listen to them and take things a bit more seriously than if you said something.

College High School Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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As a coach, do you feel that it is ever acceptable to refuse coaching to one specific individual solely on the basis of personal differences? My coach of two years this morning threw me out of his squad, not on the basis that I am a poor rower, that I don’t have potential, or that I don’t train, simply because he finds me difficult to deal with.

I guess my first question is why does he find you difficult to deal with? Coaches don’t normally just decide something like that, it’s usually something they notice and try to deal with over a period of time and then after deciding it’s either not worth their time anymore or is becoming too much of a distraction to your teammates, then they’ll remove you from practice(s) until you … change, for lack of a better word.

In certain situations, I do think it’s acceptable. I don’t think “refusing coaching” is the right term though because I (and most coaches) wouldn’t straight up refuse to coach you but I don’t see a problem with telling you to just go home if I felt like the situation/your attitude warranted it. You could be the best rower or coxswain on the team with a wealth of potential but if I think you’re a pain in the ass because you’re being uncooperative, uncoachable, or are being a distraction to the rest of the crew for whatever reason then yea, I wouldn’t have a problem telling you you’re out of the boat for the day/week.

If I was ever in this position I wouldn’t put you on land, I’d just send you home. I’m not a huge believer in punishing someone by putting them on the erg because I think that sends the wrong message about what the erg’s purpose is. If I find you difficult to deal with for whatever reason, chances are I also think that you’re wasting my time and having some kind of negative impact on your teammates’ ability to train. Why would I “reward” you by giving you the opportunity to continue training, even if it is on land, if you’ve been taking that opportunity away from your teammates for the last few practices? Time on the water is a valuable commodity that I don’t want to waste and if I think you’re wasting people’s time, I’m most certainly going to make you aware of it by taking away your opportunity to train.

After practice was over though or the following day I’d at least make the effort to talk to you to explain my reasoning for taking you out of the boat and try to get your side of the story to see if maybe there’s an underlying issue contributing to things. Basically I’d try to give you an opportunity to take ownership of the situation and recognize that your own actions are probably 99.9% of the reason why you’re on the erg and not in the boat. Doing that is a lot more effective in the long run than just saying “leave” and completely refusing to coach you, at least in my opinion.

On the flip side, if the coach is saying to get out of the boat and that they’re not going to coach you because you voted for this person instead of that person on one of those inane talent shows – those kind of personal differences – then yea, I think that’s unacceptable.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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How do you deal with a coach who is egotistical and flat out rude sometimes? And it’s not even just that, he compares me to the older coxswains and it just makes me so frustrated. Even if I do every little thing right, he’s always being a jerk and honestly I don’t even want to do the sport if I’m going to be treated this way for the next few years.

I had a coach like this in high school – my senior year, of all years – and I felt the same way. He treated me and my boat like shit and eventually we had a pretty verbally aggressive shouting match after practice one day before eventually apologizing and agreeing to a mutually beneficial truce. I screwed up in that situation by letting the problem become bigger than it needed to – I should have said something from the beginning and not waited to the point where I was thoroughly enraged to finally speak up. Have you tried bringing the issue up to your coach that you’re feeling disrespected by him? I know it’s not exactly a comfortable or easy conversation to have but if you’re really on the verge of quitting, it might be worth doing to see if he at least makes an effort to change his attitude. I wouldn’t necessarily go the route I did and call him an asshole to his face though, no matter how much he deserves it. If going straight to your coach seems a little too intimidating at first, try talking to your assistant coach. Explain the situation to them, get their insight, and see if maybe they could bring the subject up to your coach or at the very least, be there when you bring it up.

Related: In the past, I’ve had a lot of trouble with my coach thinking I’m talking back to her which ended up bumping me down a boat (I’m a coxswain). Last week she told me to have the rowers pause at arms and body and didn’t tell me how often so I just had them pause every 3 which is typically how often we pause and then she yelled at me that I wasn’t listening and that she told me to pause every 5 … what do I do? If I tell her she didn’t say it then she’ll think I’m talking back again.

Basically, there are two kinds of assholes – the first kind are the people who know they’re assholes, embrace it, and won’t change for anyone and then there’s the second kind who don’t realize they’re coming off as assholes until they’re called out on it. Let’s assume he’s the first one and brushes off everything you say, turns it around and puts the blame on you, pulls the whole “I’m the coach, I’m in charge, etc.” BS, and then treats you even worse afterwards. No matter how much you love coxing, at some point you’ve gotta decide if dealing with a coach who makes you feel like that is worth it. Are you really going to enjoy being at practice with someone who irritates you so much? Probably not, sooo … why are you there?

Now let’s assume he’s the other kind of asshole who doesn’t realize he’s coming off the way he is. Maybe he’s a young coach or new to this whole coaching thing and thinks that the “look at me, I’m such a badass” thing makes him look authoritative and in control. I would again try to bring the subject up with him and talk things out. Point out specific instances where his behavior has bothered you and why comparing you to the other coxswains the way he is might not be the most effective way to provide you with feedback (assuming that that’s what he’s trying to do). Giving him the benefit of the doubt here, hopefully he’ll listen to what you’re saying and make an effort to do things differently in the future. Don’t expect things to be drastically different immediately but at least show appreciation for the acknowledgment and the effort. As I’ve said a million times before though, he can’t do anything different if he doesn’t know there’s a problem to begin with.

Make sure to take a step back and look at things from his perspective too. Is it possible he always comes off as being pissed because he’s stressed or overwhelmed by something that’s happened/happening at practice? Trust me, I’m not making excuses for him or anything but think about your team, how you act, how your teammates act, etc. and see if you can pinpoint anything that might cause him to act like he does. Is there anything you could do differently or something you could offer to help him out with that might make the situation a little better?

It’s entirely possible that he’s just an asshole and a really shitty coach. I’m definitely not ruling that out but until you’ve made an effort to talk to him and get his side of the issue, don’t do anything drastic. If all else fails but you still want to be on the team, have your parents talk to him. (I’m assuming you’re in high school, which is why I’m suggesting this.) Get over the whole “I don’t want my parents involved, I’m not a kid, blah blah blah…” and bring the issue up with them. At the very least they’ll probably be pissed that they’re spending money on a very expensive, time consuming sport that you’re not getting much out of because your coach’s attitude is making you want to quit. That alone will probably make them want to say something. Plus, it can actually help to have them bring the subject up with your coach because most parents have a knack for tactfulness that teenagers tend to lack. They can usually get across the whole “my kid is unhappy, is considering quitting, this is something they really enjoy, what can be done” spiel in a way that the coach can actually understand (whereas with the kids it can sometimes come off as whiny). Plus, an unwritten part of the job is making sure everyone involved, including the parents, are happy. If that isn’t happening, sooner or later their job will be on the line.

In the end though, it’s your decision. If you genuinely feel like he is set in his ways, won’t make an effort to change, and that you’re not going to enjoy crew because of it, the best choice may very well be to walk away from it. It’s obviously not the optimal choice but it might be the right one.

Coxing Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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In the past, I’ve had a lot of trouble with my coach thinking I’m talking back to her which ended up bumping me down a boat (I’m a coxswain). Last week she told me to have the rowers pause at arms and body and didn’t tell me how often so I just had them pause every 3 which is typically how often we pause and then she yelled at me that I wasn’t listening and that she told me to pause every 5 … what do I do? If I tell her she didn’t say it then she’ll think I’m talking back again.

I totally get what you’re saying. I’ve done my fair share of “talking back” too and I get why it came off as talking back but I just really, really hate when people don’t give me the information I need and I end up looking incompetent or whatever in the end because of it. Yea, I’m probably going to get pissed if you tell me to do something, leave out a crucial detail, and then jump on me for not doing it the way you wanted. I think anyone would.

In high school I had a coach just like this who I butted heads with a lot, over practically everything. It got to the point where my boat thought he was doing stuff on purpose just so he’d have a reason to yell at us, tell us we were talking back or being rude, and then speed away in his launch, waking us out every single time to the point where we’d have a few inches of water in our boat as a result. At one point I got so pissed about it that we got into an actual yelling argument with each other on the dock about how I thought he was a shitty coach and how he thought my/our boat’s attitude sucked.

Luckily my other coach came over and calmed things down enough to where we could have an actual conversation. I told him that he’s saying things on the water that I either can’t hear or don’t understand (because I can’t hear him) and then when he doesn’t give any clarification or response at all, I just go with what I’ve done before because I don’t want to waste any more time trying to figure out what he’s saying. It’s not me ignoring you, it’s not me undermining you, it’s just I. can’t. hear. what. you’re. saying. When I repeatedly tell you that and you instead interpret me saying “what?!” all the time as not listening or just plain sucking as a coxswain, you can rest assured that I’m going to develop a chip on my shoulder from that.

Related: Ok but seriously I probably hear 0.2% of anything my coach says ever while my crew is out on water. I believe this is a recurring issue with coxswains… I think my primary conversations with her consists of “WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? …oh… WAIT, WHAT!?

The next day before we went out he apologized and said that he didn’t realize how difficult it was to hear what he was saying, he’d make more of an effort to use a megaphone or speak louder, he was sorry for interpreting my frustration as having an attitude, and that he’d like for us to make more of an effort to work together instead of against each other all the time. I apologized for voicing my frustration the way I did and for making it seem like I wasn’t listening to what he was saying. Our (meaning the boat’s) relationship with him was by no means friendly or anything after that but it was for the most part, civil and cordial, whereas before it definitely wasn’t. I don’t think that whole exchange would have happened though if my other coach hadn’t said something to him after practice. He had witnessed nearly every incident and knew that my boat and I weren’t just making things up to cause a problem. Before hearing a fellow coach’s perspective I think he just thought we were being pains in the ass for no reason.

My point with this story is this: talk to your coach after practice one day, preferably once everything’s been taken care of and people are leaving. Explain that you’re not talking back and you’re sorry if that’s how it comes off but _____ (fill in the blank with whatever issue it is you’re dealing with). Try to look at it from her perspective to see if you can understand how you might be coming off as talking back to her and say that you’ll make more of an effort to not do that in the future but at the same time could she please talk louder when giving instructions, be more clear, etc. Avoid getting frustrated, especially if/when your coach gets accusatory and says “you always do this”. It’s really easy to turn around and put it back on them by saying “I do that because you always do this” but ultimately that’s going to put you in a worse off position (been there, done that).

No matter how you do it, the conversation will be awkward and uncomfortable because no conversation where you have to tell someone in a superior position that something they’re doing isn’t working for you is easy. It’s a give and take situation though and your coach has to realize that too. You’ve got to go into it being willing to make some concessions on your end while staying firm on what you need from the other person (regardless of the position that person is in).

Coxing Novice Q&A

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Hi today was my first day coxing and my coach told me I had to talk the whole time. I tried but I felt really silly and I had nothing to say. I would really appreciate just some things to say! Thanks!

You really shouldn’t be talking that much on your first day out, let alone the entire time on your first day out. You should be more focused on learning to steer and getting a feel for the boat. You haven’t even learned that much (or anything, potentially) about the stroke, what’s right, wrong, etc. so I don’t understand why he’d be telling you to talk the whole time. I’d talk to him and ask what he wants/expects you to be telling the rowers, just to get an idea of what he’s looking for. If you’re comfortable calling the warmup on your own, counting them in, etc. then by all means, go for it, but I don’t think there’s any way he can expect you to be saying anything about the bodies, technique, etc. yet. I’m hesitant to tell you anything specific to say because a pet peeve of mine (and most rowers) is when coxswains call things because they think it’s what they’re supposed to say instead of saying it because they have an actual reason to. You can look through the “calls” tag to get an idea of some stuff but about 95% of it most likely won’t apply to a true novice.

Related: So, what did you see?

Feeling silly doesn’t have to do with the calls, it’s more of a confidence thing. You’ve got to be confident and sure of yourself when you tell the eight other people in the boat what you want them to do. For some people that comes naturally but for others it comes over time as they get more comfortable with their crew.

Related: Hi! I’m a novice cox and I don’t think I talk enough during practice. I call the drills and I call people out when they are digging their blades. I try to keep them together and I let them know if they are rushing the recovery but that’s about it. Most of the time I really don’t know what to say and I don’t want to undermine or talk over the coaches.

Talk to your coach. Find out what he expects you to say and then ask him to go over all that stuff with you so you can understand what he wants. I really disagree with having you talk the entire time on the first day but he’s your coach, not me, so you just gotta roll with it. If you get too overwhelmed though and are having a hard time grasping everything, definitely speak up and say something. Ask to focus on just one thing at a time to start (starting with steering) and then after a couple practices of hearing what he’s saying, how the drills are called etc. then you can start easing into talking to the crew.

Q&A Rowing Teammates & Coaches

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Next weekend is the last race of the season. I’ve been stroke all year, but for this last race I’m suddenly put in bow seat. I can row both sides that’s not an issue, I just sort of feel useless because I don’t have the same responsibilities anymore. I really want to ask my coach about it, but I don’t want to sound ungrateful or cocky. How should I approach this?

If you want to ask your coach about it just be straightforward and to the point. As long as you aren’t whiny or accusatory, there’s really no way that you can look bad. Just say that you’re curious why the lineup was changed for the last race, if this is indicative of something you need to work on, etc. and listen to what they have to say.

Related: Hey, as a coach you might be able to tell me, in a quad how do you decide who goes where? And the same for an eight? Where you’re placed in the boat, should this tell you anything about where you “sit” compared to the rest of the crew?

Without knowing your coach’s motives, here’s my take. As the stroke, you had one job – set and maintain the pace for the crew. Because strokes tend to spend so much time thinking about this their technique can start to falter, which is why sometimes coaches will throw them back in 6-seat for a practice or two to relieve them of the pressures of stroking and let them re-focus on their own rowing and technique. In bow seat your technique needs to be solid because you have a much more profound impact on the set because the boat is narrower there vs. in the middle of the boat or in the stern. So, if you’re moving from a position where you could theoretically get away with having okay technique to the spot in the boat that requires some of the best technique, that’s a sign that your coach is confident that you can contribute from any seat in the boat. I wouldn’t be too upset about that since that’s a good thing.

Plus, the whole point of the sport is that no one rower contributes more than another so regardless of what seat you’re in, you’re not useless just because you’re not the stroke.

Coxing Novice Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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Hi! So sometimes my coach will send out my four (bow loaded) with two 20 minute pieces where for 10 minutes there is a certain rate and then the other 10 minutes another rate. My coach normally won’t come out with us or will focus on other boats. I get really annoyed because I’m a novice and all the rowers are varsity so obviously they want feedback on their rowing but I can’t see them nor do I know what they’re doing wrong. I feel bad because during these pieces I won’t talk I’ll just say the rate and time and I can tell they’re getting annoyed and they feel like they’re not getting any better. Do you have any suggestions on what to say and how to keep talking the entire time?

Before going out, talk to your coach about what they want you to focus on that day. Get specifics. Ask them what they want the rowers to be working on, what the changes are they need to make, etc. Write all of that down and then when you’re on the water, make calls based off of that. Even though you can’t see the rowers you can still remind them of what they should be working on. It puts the bug in their ear.

Talk to the rowers. What do they want/need to hear? What specifically about their rowing do they know they need to work on and how can you help them/what can you say that would remind them to do or not do X, Y, and/or Z?

Related: Today during practice we just did 20 minute pieces of steady state rowing. My crew gets bored very quickly and their stroke rating goes down, so I decided to add in various 13 stroke cycles throughout the piece, but I regret doing it because it wasn’t steady state. I’m just confused as to how to get them engaged throughout without sounding like a cheerleader but at the same time keeping up the drive and stroke.

Also work on feeling the boat. Being in a bow loader puts you in a much better position to feel what’s going on compared to when you’re in an eight. When they do something right, what does that feel like? When they’re doing something wrong and you call for a change, what does that feel like? If you know what it feels like when someone is rushing, you can call for a ratio shift or whatever without guessing if that’s what you need to do.

Related: Boat feel

Don’t just say the rate either. Rowers hate – hate – when the only thing their coxswain says is “24. *five minutes later* 24 1/2.” Remind them to stay long, relax the recoveries, push and send, lift the hands into the catch, lighten up the seats, accelerate through the finish, breathe, jump on the first inch, no hesitation around the corner, keep the chins, eyes, shoulders, and chests up, engage the legs, etc. Throw in a 5 or 10 every minute for whatever – maximizing the run, cleaning up the releases, sharper catches, etc.

I would also talk to your coach and ask them if they’d mind spending some more time with you guys because as a novice there’s only so much you can do, especially with no instruction, and the boat feels as if they’re hitting a plateau because they aren’t getting any coaching. At the very least, ask them to give you specific things to focus on while you’re out instead of just saying “go do 2×20 minutes, have fun!”.

Q&A Rowing Teammates & Coaches

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My coach always says she values experience, commitment and attitude. I’m one of the more experienced rowers on the team and I’m always trying my hardest to be positive and row my best. I’ve been spending most of the season in the third 8+ even though she’s told me before she thinks I’m really strong and a good rower. She’s put me in this boat for all of our major regattas and when I ask for an explanation, she doesn’t give me a straight answer. I know its supposed to be for pushing the lower boats and such, however, it’s really demoralizing for me because I feel like I’m never given a chance to show my full potential as a member of the team. I’d also really like to win, which my 8+ rarely does, whereas the first and second 8+ s are always taking gold and silver. What do you think I should do?

Hmm. I never really understood how putting a competent rower in a lower boat was supposed to “push” the other rowers but that’s just me. It’s definitely not something I’d ever do. I mean, there’s other reasons why I’d move a rower down but that particular reason isn’t one of them. Have you told her that you find it demoralizing to be put in lower boats when the feedback you’re getting indicates that you have the potential to be in a higher one?

I would try talking to her again and making it abundantly clear how you feel. It’s possible that she’s not giving you a straight answer because you’re not making it known in a clear enough way that this is bothering you. If you beat around the bush and don’t say exactly what you’re thinking/feeling, your coaches aren’t going to know why you’re asking. If they think you’re just asking because you’re pissed you’re in a boat that you deem “lesser” than your skills, they’ll write you off as being whiny. I doubt that’s the case here but it is a possibility. You never know until you ask. Have you asked or has she told you why she thinks having you in this boat pushes them? I know it’s not the most profound piece of advice I’ve ever given but I think the best thing you could do is sit down with her and talk about why you think you deserve at least a shot at the upper boats, what she thinks or had hoped your role in the 3rd 8+ should be, etc. Clear the air on both sides, if that makes sense. There’s probably a lot being lost in limbo right now because no one is asking the right questions.

Until then though and most especially since we’re creeping closer towards the end of the season, commit yourself to the 3rd 8+. The frustration you have for not being in the top boats should not be noticed, sensed, or felt by anyone in the boat you’re currently in because it’s not fair to them. Keep working hard and put all your energy into making the 3rd 8+ as fast as possible. Have a good attitude and try to find something positive about the experience. If you can think of something before you talk to your coach, tell her that – for example (this is completely hypothetical), being in the 3rd 8+ and doing all the technique work you did really helped you to focus on engaging the legs immediately at the catch and having a solid drive instead of disengaging them by shooting your tail and relying solely on your upper body. Epiphanies such as this sometimes cause coaches to reevaluate a rower’s position in the boat, so it’s worth a shot.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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One of our rowers was out today, and since sprints are Sunday our coach came in the boat and rowed with us! It was pretty cool, but towards the end of warmup she yelled at us to pull harder during warmup (especially power 10s) because she was panting and working harder than we were. It was frustrating because it’s no fun when anyone says they’re working harder and blames the rest of the boat, let alone the coach. Should I say something, or just let it go since it’s unlikely to reoccur?

As annoying as it was in the moment, I’d just let it go. That’s a dick move though. I don’t think there’s an issue with the coxswain asking you to “pull harder” (as long as they rephrase it and don’t actually say “pull harder”) but for your coach to get in there and say that she’s working harder than you is pretty … inconsiderate, for a lot of different reasons.

The moment someone gets in the boat, whether they’re a coach, coxswain-filling-in-as-a-rower-, etc., they cease being what they were before and become a rower whose only job is to listen to the coxswain and row. Not only is it disrespectful to the actual coxswain but it’s also, as you said, frustrating for everyone else. I get where that frustration is coming from but unless she decides to hop in the boat with you again, I’d just move on and not say anything.

Q&A Teammates & Coaches

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I’ve just been dropped from my coach’s 1st boat after 18 months of loyalty & hard work. He did it by email (coward!) so I haven’t spoken to him yet. Is it OK not to want to? Would you expect your rowers to come to you & ask why? I was so angry at first, but I feel like I’ve found peace with it now & in that peace I’ve sort of concluded for various complex reasons that I don’t want the 8+ back, I’d rather move into smaller boats & try to move on that way. Do you think it’s OK to admit that to him?

Hmm. I think it’s OK to not want to talk to him but I still think you should, if only to get clarification and insight since he’s the one who made the final decision. Once you know and understand his reasoning then you can bring up the subject of maybe moving to smaller boats, provided your reasoning is legit and not just because you’re pissed you got taken out of the eight. As long as you aren’t rude, immature, bitter, etc. towards him or the other rowers, I think you’ll be fine. That’s where problems arise when people get taken out of boats, they develop bad attitudes that essentially start to poison the rest of the team, which obviously has a lot of negative consequences.

Be mature about it and say that you accept his decision but after 18 months you feel as though you deserve at least a little background information as to how he came to the decision to move you down. Ask what you can improve on and regardless of whether or not you agree with what he says, make an effort to work on those things. Just because you got dropped down now doesn’t mean you’re going to stay out of the first boat forever. Don’t burn that bridge just yet.