In the beginning of the video you hear the commentator talk about the “Rude and Smooth” crew, which was the varsity crew from 1974 and 1975 that went undefeated and were the unofficial national champions. Chapter 7 in The Amateurs is about them. (You can read part of the chapter here. Scroll down just a little more than halfway and you’ll see it.) Sports Illustrated also wrote about them in 1975 and is sometimes credited with giving them the “rude and smooth” nickname, even though it had been around before the article was written. Here’s another good article on them too from The Crimson from 2003.
Day: August 19, 2013
Question of the Day
I feel like I can’t really relate to any of the other girls on my team. I know that crew itself is really close-knit, but I can’t help but feel like there’s a huge separation from me and the rest of the rest of the team where I don’t really know how to associate with them and they don’t really know how to associate with me just because I’m friends with an entirely different group of people than they are. Any advice?
That’s how I felt in college (which was the exact opposite of how it was in high school). Syracuse had a program called SummerStart where you could start taking classes as a freshman in July, so by the time the actual school year started I’d already built a solid group of friends over the past month and a half. There were a couple people on the team who I became good friends with because we were in the same major and took classes together but for the most part I wasn’t friends with the majority of them. It didn’t really bother me that much but it did play a small part in why I quit. One of my friends on the team told me several times how my roommate would tell the other girls not to invite any of the girls who had non-crew friends to anything (breakfast, parties, etc.) because we didn’t exclusively associate with the other rowers and coxswains, which, if I’d cared to hang out with them in the first place probably would have annoyed me, but at the time the effort they put into excluding us was nothing more than a source of amusement.
Looking back, sure, I’ll take partial responsibility for not making as much of an effort on my end to get to know them, regardless of whether I planned to occasionally hang out with them or invite them to every major life event over the years or not. As teammates who are theoretically going to row together for four years, you should at least know each other on a basic level. Part of the reason why I think the two groups never really approached each other is because our majors were all totally different (which is dumb because in college everyone’s major is most likely totally different from the next person…) so we didn’t know each other that well outside of crew and because no one really knew how to initiate the conversation. It’s actually a little funny and a little sad how different it is trying to “make friends” when you’re 18+ compared to when you’re 5. When you’re little you just want to be friends with whoever has the 64 pack of Crayola crayons.
Knowing what I know now I’d just talk to them like you’d talk to anyone else – ask them about their major (if you’re in college), why they chose it, what they want to do, what colleges they’re looking at (if you’re in HS), what they’re thinking about majoring in, how classes are so far, how was practice, how was their boat, did they go to the game last night, what’d they think of the latest episode of Dexter/Breaking Bad/Top Gear/whatever TV show is applicable, are they going to see Macklemore/Jay Z & JT/Maroon 5/whatever artist is applicable when they come to town, what’d they do over the summer, did they travel anywhere, did they go to Club Nationals, Henley, etc., etc. Unintentional eavesdropping is also a great conversation starter. If you walk by and hear them talking about sloths, ask them if they’ve seen Kristen Bell’s epic meltdown on Ellen (of course they have but who cares, ask anyways) and then proceed to talk about all the sloth videos on YouTube.
Another thing you could do that helped my friends and I in high school get closer was the boat dinners we had every week. Sometimes I’d be coxing a boat with people from two or three different grades in it, meaning we most likely didn’t know each other that well, but through boat dinners the night before a regatta we all became really good friends and really close as a crew. We’d also make t-shirts to wear when we traveled that usually had our nicknames or some inside joke on them, which was also a great way to spend time together. You have no idea the bonding that occurs when you put a group of girls in a car together and send them to Wal-Mart to get puffy paint and plain white t-shirts.
Don’t wait for them to start the conversation and then blame them in the end for not making an effort to get to know you if they don’t. They’re probably thinking the same thing about you. Nobody likes being the awkward person who thinks they come off as trying too hard but sometimes you’ve gotta suck it up and put yourself out there. It very rarely turns out as poorly as people think it will. I think we all think we’re a lot more awkward and weird than we actually are, which is what tends to hold people back from starting conversations because we don’t want other people to notice and judge us on our awkwardness, regardless of whether it’s real or perceived. I’m definitely guilty of that depending on the group of people I’m with. You might not lose anything by not speaking up but you certainly don’t gain anything either.
To answer your question, my advice would be to just strike up a casual conversation, try to keep it going without forcing anything, and just see where things go from there. See if you can find something in common with your teammates (other than crew) and use that as your building block(s).